Posted: 05/03/2012 at 09:09
Tracy I hate knowing you're feeling like this this, I really feel for you, and you know I know what you're going through. I'm not going to say relax because we know how hard that is and such an easy thing for other people to say, if anybody said that to me I wanted to punch them! I was told by my consultant, my doctor, midwives, my dad! that my mc's were all just bad luck, a bad hand, next time will be different and I never believed any of them. Being disappointed was normal for me, I could never feel any hope because as 3054 also said about hers, none of my scans ever gave me any reason for hope (and I had a lot of scans!).
But as you know i'm now almost 22 wks pregnant which feels like a complete miracle to me, I can feel my baby doing somersaults and sometimes I still feel it may go wrong. But then I feel really guilty for feeling that because it's like i'm not giving her a chance and if I can't give her a chance then who will? I had a bleed when I was 8 wks and was convinced that it was all over again. I went for a scan and refused to look at the screen until the mw made me look. I honestly thought I would see what i'd seen so many times before but I didn't and the mw basically told me off(which is what I needed, she had been scanning me since my first mc so knew what i'd gone through and why I was scared).
So basically what i'm trying to say is don't write this off because you only know how to deal with disappointment. Think of that little baby who's growing and will be giving you symptoms to be proud of soon (mine didn't start until about 9 wks), please speak to your gp and tell him/her all of this. You need someone in the profession who will support you (as we all will too) and give you the relief you desperatly need. It's been shown that regular scans help women like us who have suffered mc's and I really think you need this. As speccles said a scan at 6 wks will show something and this will do you the world of good.
I hope I don't come across as telling you off, i'm not at all, I desperately want this to work for you and I know how you feel, we all do. I'm finally speaking from experiance when saying you can get through this, I don't know how the hell I did but the point is I did and you will too xxx