Posted: 26/02/2012 at 10:29
I know how you feel as had a very similar thing happen to me earlier this year., with similar likeness. Things didn't work out for me but that is NOT to say they won't for you as my risk and soft markers were VERY high from the start.
My risk was 1:2( huge NT fold and bad blood results ) but it was the physical soft markers they found in in-depth scans that worried them ( structural abnormalities that were survival limiting if not in gestation but in birth ) and was advised to end pregnancy as chance of survival was minimal. I was told to have a CVS to be clear about why things had gone wrong. Even though my risk for DS was 1:2 the baby did not have this condition or in fact any of the major 3 chromosomal abnormalities - . It was the physical abnormalities on the scan that led to the results and the heartbreaking decision to take the consultants advise.
This was in August and now pregnant with number 3 and DI July and feeling very positive even after such an experience. Something I have taken from the past experience was no matter what I did ( obviously within reason) I couldn't change what happened to me. No amount of alcohol consumption could make this happen. You mustn't give yourself a hard time about that. You didn't know you were pregnant and lots and lots of people do similar things without knowing. You aren't alone in this so don't beat yourself up about this. Nothing you have done has made this happen.
Pregnancy is full of risks and what ifs and that applies to all of us regardless of test results that are not conclusive. You don't know whether you are that 1 or the other number ( could be 5 could be 3,000) unless you do invasive tests or until your beautiful baby is here. You never stop worrying even when they are here. I have numerous experiences of people who have been told they are very high risk and have gone on to have babies with no chromosomal abnormality - most of whom have had the invasive tests because they needed to know . Like wise of people who are low risk and have had a baby with a chromosomal abnormality. I am not belittling your feelings but trying to give you some positivity in a difficult and dark time. I don't consider myself in the clear this time because I am classed as low risk but am willing to accept my baby as they come as nothing life threatening has presented itself in scans so far. Having a baby with DS is as rewarding and beautiful as having one without I am sure.
I found the fetal medicine centre in London under Professor Nicholides amazing. He actually invented the nuchal scan and blood tests/soft markers and he was amazing with us. He gave us an in-depth scan and re adjusted results. He was very kind and candid and enabled me to process information giving me advise and strength in decisions to make. I had my nuchal scan this pregnancy done with him and my results although a lot better nothing is certain but I was adamant this time I didn't want any invasive tests. It is an expense but I would rather have a s**t pram was how I looked at it
Sounds like you have also explored a similar route too. You are right by going to someone with lots of experience with doing the procedure you have better chances.
You sound so sad and not surprisingly. You are aloud to grieve for the pregnancy that you haven't had already and the fears of the unknown. The waiting is agony and at least I could get my further tests done straight away. You sound very strong and certain in yourself. Give yourself the credit you deserve for being so flippin brave and allow yourself to feel these feelings.
The positives are with more in-depth scans your re adjusted risk has gone up - a lot. Risk is only risk if you have something to compare it to. I remember when I had the terrible news at the scan praying my odds were over 1:10 whereas before I was wanting them to be as high as my last babies. 1:90 is a just over 1% risk, by most standards that pretty good odds. There could be numerous reasons to the presented soft markers you say the baby has .
Allow yourself to feel also the support of others and glad that you are able to share your feelings on here. I was too afraid to do this. I admire your honesty and your guts. What helped me was talking it through with people I trusted who weren't judgemental. Often people you don't know are better as they don't have any agendas with giving you advise.
If you want to pm would be happy to chat more. I have been too afraid to post what happened to me until now but you have given me the guts to do so - thank you.
Thinking of you and wishing you well