Posted: 27/12/2010 at 15:21
Well after an awful week i think this is goodbye.
This is my story...its very detailed with way tmi but thought someone may wish to know..
Last Tuesday morning i found that there was some brown blood and had had some cramps in the night so instinctively panicked. Spoke to the doctor who told me to go to A&E which we did. After 4hours and an early scan we got to see our little bean and its heart flicker at 5+5weeks. They told me everything was fine and sent me on my way.
2days later on Thursday i had sharp pains and half an hour later found red blood which terrified me. I went back to A+E and they did another blood test (they had done one on Tuesday too) they told me that i wouldnt need another scan as they know that the baby is in the right place so there was no concern for ectopic or cysts or anything as the scan had shown my ovaries etc were all fine. They told me to ring in the morning after they had compared my HCG levels to my previous blood test. So Friday came around, i rang and they said everything was fine still...although i continued spotting brown blood lightly.
Last night (thank god i was fine on christmas day) i noticed a small amount of red blood again after some pains again. It stopped quickly and then went back to brown spotting.
Today was awful. Bareing in mind, through all of this ive had terrible morning sickness, i was out, for the first time in a while seeing as ive been so ill and started bleeding heavily passing big clots of blood (sorry tmi) and feeling a lot of pain. I went home and bled really heavily. I rang the doctor who said to do a pregnancy test and if it was negative go to A+E again as i may need a d+c.
I really dont know how to feel. Im so drained that i dont want to sit in A+E for another 4hours. Im gunna do a test tomorrow morning and then go in if i need to, but this had been one of the hardest times of my life. Im sorry this is very long and detailed but i feel like i needed to tell someone.
Im sure everyone will have beautiful pregnancies that are healthy and wish you all the best. I hope to be trying again soon but i know in my heart that this is goodbye for me...all i can think of is that little flicker on the screen and how its all over. Sorry if this is too much to read and i really hope no one goes through this...
Love and babydust xx
