Hello ladies

sorry if im blocking up the boards a bit but i really want a winde range of views on this one, please if anyone has time would you be so kind as to read the post below and let me know what you think, feel and are expecting? im worried that im frightening myself out of this - sorry if i sound like a crazy selfish person, i just really want to know if what im feeling is normal- my desire for a family is much bigger then my worry but then i worry that my worry shouldnt be there at all!

thank you xx xxx

Hello mummies and daddies

Im not normaly in here so I hope you doint mind me poping by, im at the TTC stage at the moment.

I wonder if you can help me with something.... Im a little bit worried about being worried if that makes sense? I shall start at the beigning....

My husband and I really want a baby, we have discussed it in length many a time and have recently started to TTC, we understand that its anybodys guess how long it can take and so it might be a very long time before we actually hear the patter of tiny feet, however people keep telling us to wait before we have children ( we are recently married ) because when they do come along they change your life completely and im sad to say its not allways positive, so many people tell us how we wont be able to be ourselves anymore, how every second of the day will be about the baby and our relationship will suffer emensly. Now I understand that when a baby is born they are totlay dependant on their parents but I cant belive that its all doom and gloom, surely the fact that you have brought life in to the world makes it all worth it and is an honour rather then a hinderence? Also we are lucky enough to have family who will help us and guide us.

We have friends who have children who are 7 or 8 years old and the parents have'nt had a lie in since the children where born as they wake up early ( 6am) and demand the parents attention straight away - now I don't want to sound selfish but im not ready to give something like this up for the next 10 years, when I was a girl my parents told me to play in my room till they woke up and I did. Am I wrong or nieve to expect the same from my children, should I be bless to have them.

So am I worng to be a little scared about how much our lives will change, am I being nieve or am I just hearing things from people who let their children rule their lives? Also I am worried that these worries aren't normal.

Please can someone tell me how it really is, reassure me or give me a wake up call, which ever I need? Also is it normal to wonder like this?

Sorry if I have upset or offended anyone, I really hope I haven't, its just not having children of my own yet I have no idea what its really like.

Thank you xxxxx

I have a 15month old and am due number in 13weeks.
We have been lucky and our daughter has always slept well, we have lay ins most days and when she was born things didnt really change much as for the first 6wks we were on auto pilot-caring for her after that out routine was great and she fitted in with us really well.
We get up at 9am most days,have a long brekkie together and play,we go the park,meet friends and have a fab time.
yes she has changed our life but i can honestly say i cant think of one negitive thing,i cannot remember life without her she has made our lives complete.
Every mile stone,each word,each smile fills our days with love and laughter.xxxx

Hi Littlebug

I have been married a year and have been TTC for 4 months now. We waited just to enjoy our first year but we now feel really ready and very excited. I don't have any doubts whatsoever. I think the answer is staring at you in the face - it looks like you should wait until you are 100% sure.

Good luck!

i am not going to lie a baby changes your life yes!! but not for the worse at all!!

yes we have the odd ealy morning but nothing major i have a 2 year old son and he is very good he does not take up all my time he will play in his room for an hour os so while i do housework etc

i still have time for my friends

and i am sorry your friend that had children aged 7 and 8 are old enought to no that 6am is too early my friend had a problem with her 3 yr old waking at thie time he now has a clock in his room and in not aloud to come out untill its 7:30am she is going to increase it to 8am soon.

children are as demmanding as you make then his you hold your baby all the time and pick them up at a slight noise then yes u will spend the day not being able to do anythink else

but if you put your baby down and dont pick them up at the slight noise then they will not take over you day and will be happy to play by themseleves

They do say a baby will make or break a relationship but i think the 1st few weeks are hardest when u get them i a rountine its EASY!!

and when they get older its gets even easier as they are more independent and can do thinks for themseleves

if you are not 100% sure then u should wait till your ready and TBH your never be 100% ready cos all children are different take it from me i have looked after bab ies for the last 7years 0-2 and u can tell the babies that get all the attension and other babies that loves cuddles but are also happy to play and thats the parents doing not the childrens!!

Hello there,

I can't help much but i can tell you about me,

I have a son of 3 we are ttc #2 for 14 months and b4 we thought about ttc we were worried same sort of things you were. My son sleeps through the night in bed by 7.30 latest up at 6 though he is lovely (although i am his mum) :lol: he doesnt say rude words he gives everyone kisses hello and always says thank you. right......
I also look after a friends child who we all call the devil including her parents she doent go to bed till 11pm later than me she gets up at 5!!! she doesnt nap. she is naughty and bites, kick's. she tells me to f#*# off if i tell her off O yer and she is also 3

Getting up at 6 is not so bad when u get used to it. Somedays my OH leaves me in bed so i get a lay in and i leave him in sometimes.
What i am tryinh to say is that it depends how a child is brought up and the things you teach and do with your kids are important.
Kids are so fab to have in your lives and the way i see it is people still have kids and if it was so bad then we would stop :lol:

Good Luck sorry for the long essay

Nobody knows how there life will change when they have had a baby But you need to be ready for change. (also answered in baby)
xx

Ahh Littlebug,

I think your feelings are perfectly normal. Having childrens is such a life changing event, I'd be worried if you weren't worried!

Though I don't have children yet, alot of friends have and I agree completely with the above comments, if you are relaxed and have a good family/friends network there is no reason why you and your husband can't make a bit of time for each other......but i susoect when you have children, they will be your world, and you won't begrudge an early rise! x

Your worries and questions are entirely valid and normal. I would be more concerned if you weren't thinking about the possible impact on your life. You are preparing for a possible reality.

Babies are born with temperaments and then their environment plays a huge part. So you can do a lot to reduce the bad stuff and get routines in place and help your child feel safe and happy. But it can be so hard too. I wasn't prepared even though I worried like you are doing now! I only get a lie in if my son is sleeping over somewhere else. He's up at 7.30 at the very latest but it can be as early as 6am. And we have to get up unless we want him to be starving and screaming! 6 or 7am is pretty normal and to be expected.

And we had to endure 11 weeks of colic... five hours of constant screaming every evening... and breast feeding didn't work for me which was just devastating... But all that passed...

We are lucky that we have family to baby sit but they are not always available so I don't get out nearly as much as I used to. And I work 4 days so I'm pretty much tired all the time. We get up at 7am and don't stop until about 8pm. I'm usually still doing dishes at 8 or 9pm and I'm in bed by 10... hardly rock n roll...

But I wouldn't change it for the world. And I'm desperate to have another but finances won't allow it yet. My son isn't well at the moment and we've all had three really bad nights and I'm exhausted but I can keep going. I don't have as much "fun" as I used to, I'm not "carefree" anymore, but it's all worth it to have the wonderful person in my life. Yes your life is going to change forever and often it's really really bad, but it's also really really wonderful...

[Modified by: soniamc on October 23, 2009 01:02 PM]

You are completely normal to worry. We have two and are the envy of our friends as most weekends we are lucky to see the 6 year old before 9.30 (often nearer 10!) and the teenager is... well a teenager so sleeps all day if we let her but she was same when little!
Weekdays I have to wake them both up 99% of the time and I have never been woken up by my kids on Christmas morning!!! Seriously that's 15 Christmases... although technically the first 2 she was only a bubby!

I acknowledge that some children simply are early risers but I do also think it has to do with attitude and expectation. I have looked after many many children as a nanny and now as a childminder so am not speaking out of my bum.... if you set rules and stick to them it works! As you said yourself - as a child you weren't allowed to bother your parents until a certain time. If you firmly say it's too early and put them back to bed they soon get the message.

I was actually looking forward to my baby waking up at 6am so I could spend time with her before setting off to my then job as a nanny - I had to be there for 8am. I had romantic notions of getting up and feeding her at 6, getting a bit of washing on, sorting out the dinner for later and playing with her before work. In reality I often took her from her sleep in her PJs and fed and dressed her at work!

Littlebug,

As all the other ladies have said- your worries are totally normal. Having children is a huge adjustment and is of course going to change your life. But where I think people go wrong is they think when you have children you are automatically losing things- I don't think thats true- you are gaining things. Yes, don't get me wrong, some things change- but its not always negative.

Babies and children are hard work. I have two and it is difficult sometimes but its also amazingly wonderful- I can't even find the right words to do it justice. We are lucky that our children quite like their beds and tend to get up around 8.30am which isn't too bad at all, but there are 3.5 and 2 and they weren't always like that- my daughter has never been the best sleeper- but all the 'bad' phases tend to be short lived anyway, and although its hard-its worth it for having kids in my opinion.

I think the thing you truely lose becoming a parent is sponteniaty. You can't just go out at the drop of a hat anymore. But, it just means that you have to plan stuff more. You can still go out and have a life- you just have to organise things to make that possible.

Good Luck hun, it's difficult- but it's so so amazing.

xxxx

Hi ladies

Thank you all for you replies, I fell better from reading them so thank you for sharing your experience with me.

I'm sure that having a baby is what we both want and even though it will be hard it will be worth it, yesterday I went to see my friend's week old baby for the first time and it was so lovely to hold and feed him, I found myself kissing the top of his head, completely on impulse - also I guess its true what they say- when its your own child it's a 100 times more brilliant.
I have also posted this over in BABY and the general feel in there is that the way you act as parents is the key-I guess this is what I was getting at really and until it happens to us we simply don't know what to expect.

Thank you all for you advise, I hope a great weekend is had by all xx

hi, here is my experience...
ttc my 1st for 19 months and eventually got pregnant and i can not describe the changes it makes to your life having a child and being a parent and discovering unconditional love. No one can prepare you for the changes as it is so very differant from one person to the next, and babies certainly develop their own temperament from a very youg age. I will not lie to you, it is exhausting bringing a child into the world, but not for a second have i ever looked back or regretted having my son. He is 22 months now and each stage has so far been rewarding. Yes i have sacrificed sleep and a social life, however you adjust to a totally new life style, and i certainly appretiate my nights out a hell of a lot more. Your body gets used to early mornings and i tend not to even think about it, The love i have for my son, and how proud i feel watching him develop and become a little individual inwhich me and my husband have created through love, is the biggest achievement and most rewarding experience. I would never look back. Yes it is hard work but one that is seriously worth it.
Good luck hun, dont let your friends bring you down. And dont worry about having these fears, they are totally normal. Put it this way, if it was that bad why would i for one be trying for number 2!! good luck
anna xxxx

i would be more worried chick if you weren't worried about things changing but YOU need to be ready in yourself then everything else fits into place

my son was 2 in June and i can tell you i wouldn't be without him,he is my world and brings such joy and happiness into our lives....yes he gets up anywhere from 6-6.30,we've had a nightmare the last 2 weeks with him going to bed,staying in bed during the night etc but that's all sorted now and whats 2 weeks from the 52 out of the year

the thing is chick you never actually know what type of child your going to have,will they sleep all the time be awake most of the time that's something you just cant predict but certain things you can do like good routines can help you and a baby get along better its all a bit of adapt improvise and overcome and if your willing to put in the hours things could turn out more the way you would like them to

now I'm going to be honest with you here and tell you at times i have cabin fever,i am mega tired and would love a long sleep in and a day of peace,i am no longer Lisa i am Lisa and Lennon plus hubby of course lol my old friends have all but disappeared but Ive made some really nice new ones so not sure i call the others friends now the reality of it is,is yes babies changer your life,they change your life alot its up to you wither they change it for the better or the worse


would i change my life now for my old life of lie ins due to a sore head,working on overload not on your nelly because with all the bad points of having a child they are surly outweighed by the good,just the sheer joy of seeing my son smile,laugh and learning new things everyday is enough for me,he makes me smile like a Cheshire cat and brings me so much love i wouldn't be without him

long and short of it chick is we can all tell you our stories but you and your oh need to be ready to sacrifice anything that needs must with a child,you just never know what type of baby you will have

my lo was a complete accident and my oh was not ready or prepared for parenthood at all. but when our lo came it all changed we are fairly easy going so just adapted. i dont think i have laughed as much in my life as i have since having him. me and my oh are just as in love as ever and are ttc number 2. everything your child does is a wonder and joy even the crying bits lol

WOW thank you, even more lovley possitive replies, im feeling much more possitive now- maybe i was just having a bad day, you know the sort. Im even more excited and wanting to have a baby now the ever lol

love and baby dust to all xxxx

Yes, children change your life and you're not "you" anymore but you become a different you. It's good!

My dd is 20 months old and we haven't slept in either since she was born or in my case since I was about 30 weeks preggers but let me tell you when you see that smiling face and "HI MAMA, wuv you" who cares???? We're lucky, dd sleeps from 8 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. but I do live for the day I can see 9:00 a.m. on my alarm clock again!!

Having a child is your decision, not the decision to be made by family members or friends no matter how well meaning they may be. If the two of you feel ready to start a family, by all means do it! Your life will change to include the children as much as it can. Newborns or the first year of life will take up most of your time for them and around feeding and nap times but as they become more independent they get to be more and more fun. Routine helps both parents and child but that's just me, some families do very well without a strict routine. Our DD comes along with us everywhere and the times where it's not appropriate to take her, we have a sitter. She doesn't demand attention bc we give it to her but we don't over indulge either. She's happy, very much loved which she knows.

Enjoy your kids while they enjoy being with you!!! They really do grow up fast and each moment spent with them is precious but at times parenting can seem so difficult and unrewarding (toddler tantrums!!!) but then I go to sleep and the next morning, I'm so glad I can hug her and see her little face and we start over again...

Good luck hun with TTC - we're working on #2...