Ladies
It's not so much of a rant but more of a plea for help I guess. I'm not i'm not the first (or the last) to have problems with my husband just not really understanding how i'm feeling or taking pregnancy into consideration.
He is your typical joker which in principle is great but not a fantastic impending father but hey ho, we have a laugh! He says things like "your getting FAT", but with a PH and laughs and finds himself hilarious but when I tell him (ok scream!) how rude that sounds he just tells me to get a sense of humour. Yeah maybe I am slightyl more aware of things like that now with hormones but I am getting FAT and at a rate I can't control (i'm still 2ib under my pre pregnancy weight at 18+2 so it's all bump!).
If we go out with friends which i'm more than happy to do but he forgets that I can't do 1 or 2pm finishes anymore and if I do i'm going to suffer for days with tiredness. He just says in front of everyone "you tell me when you want to go" so being a typical woman I look like the one that cuts our night short.
I just want for one night him to turn round and say "we are going" without it coming from me, he should be able to tell that i'm falling asleep at the bar or that actually we are going to have an early night as we have something planned all weekend.
I'm the main cleaner, I sort all the bills and money (even his when he is paid!), he couldn't tell you how much we pay where or even survive if I got hit by a bus tomorrow. I have to ask him 15 times to do anything only to have him do it but complain the whole way through.
I love him to bits but it's really hard when you feel like your playing mum already, combining that with the two cats i'm pretty much on my fourth child LOL!
It did come to head last night with his mates stage WEEK! (why week?) in October. I'll be 8 months pregnant roughly and he said he was going which is fine (although I did kinda think it would be nice for him to say he wouldn't go to make sure I was ok or consider my feelings at being pregnant with our first child and stuck at home). Apparently it's his last 3 days of freedom before baby comes, thats ok in principle too but my days of freedom ended the minute I got pregnant.
He does ask me every day how i'm feeling but I think it's just a routine for him now but short of telling him all my ailments every single day and complain (which I dont' want to do) I'm stuck.
I have tried my hardest not to complain through this pregnancy and I have done so well but all it seems to do is make him think i'm coping fine! Even sex hasn't been off limits, I would say it's about once a week at least or maybe 3 times in 2 weeks which at 18+2 is getting more and more difficult.
They don't seem to sell the Kama Sutra for men dating whales!!!!!
Girls - please tell me most men are like this (oh and the girls that have the perfect man, can I borrow him to rub my feet until baby comes in December!)
Em
18+2
xxxxxxx

[Modified by: EmmaH1234 on 21 July 2009 08:48:30 ]

Em i think we share the same husband!

mine was telling everyone how funny it is i look like a big juicy pear!

the 2am finishes i stopped straight away- i drive as i'm not drinking so say before we go out i'm leaving at 11 and he'll have to get a taxi!

stag weeks! yes hes been to barcelona, birmingham, madrid and a weeks skiing for his mates stag dos since i've been pg! if it is that close to your due date warn him about missing the birth if baby comes bit early- know he won't want to risk that!

mine has becided 3 weeks after baby is born he is going to sit an exam so he spends all his time studying which is good of him but why choose now- wish he had waited a few months!

oh and wetting the babies head is stressing him out! hes having a small do when baby arrives and then a big one after his exam! i nearly exploded- i'll be bf and recovering from c section with toddler in tow and he is stressed about wetting the babies head!

aaah!

sorry to ramble on your thread but it really struck a cord!

Anna 35+5 x

oh and this morning my little boy started new nursery and i got him and me dressed and fed and ready to go at 8! woke hubby at half 7 and he had a whinge i hadn't set his alarm in time for him to be ready!

my 2 year old is easier to control than the 30 year old!

Oh Em, I am soooooo with you on this one!

I have put on about 8lbs so far. As you know I am (2 days by scan date) behind you so 18 weeks exactly. Everything is wobbling, my boobs are the size of small continents and I generally feel rubbish. Luckily, OH knows how sensitive I am about my weight, so keeps schtum, but we went for a big family meal the other day and I saw his Dad and step mum for the 1st time since falling pg, and was greeted to "Hello fatty! My dont you look swell". Well that was it, I sat there arms crossed, dipped brow and furious for a while... until the food came!! haha! Rich did tell his Dad off for being insensitive just because he knew he wouldnt hear the end of it when we got home!

Anyway, my point is, s*d them... let them think they are funny. Fact is, its healthy to put on weight during pregnancy. I told Rich from the beginning, when I put on weight and start to feel unattractive, I NEED you to say little off the cuff coments that I look beautiful etc... and he does bless him! Perhaps tell him how you really feel, and ask how he would feel if you were to make fun at something he was insecure about?

Anyway... thats just men for you honey!

As for the leaving early... god I know exactly what you mean!! Thing is, we avoid social situations altogether! Rich has some friends are are kind of the main link between a big group of us, there house is the meeting place. There is always someone smoking a joint or something. Anyway, we havent been over there since, as it is smokey and I told him I dont want to be around it. I cant ask them not to smoke in their own house. Id like to think that they wouldnt smoke a cigarette around me, let alone drugs, but I am not willing to put anyone in a n uncomfortable situation... so I just havent been over! As a result, I look like the nagging girlfriend, but I dont care! If we do go out for drinks, we will leave reasonably early. I am always the one driving now, so he hasnt got a choice. He either leaves with me or walks! haha

As for the stag do, hun I toatally understand why you are annoyed. I would be too. I mean look at me with Rich over his little trip to Glastonbury. The stag do is a one off tho, and I personally think you should both compromise... maybe he goes out to meet them for the last few days or something? Ususally when people have week long stag/hen do's, they usually also have a night out for the people that cant make the week long activities... maybe thats an option. Its up to you hun, but he needs to understand that realistically you could go into labour at 8 months, so if he does go, then he better have a blooming good escape route sorted!!

Sorry to go on, but just a post close to my heart, so had alot to say!! xxx

Oh girls, thank you.
Mrsblue - all I can say is how did you manage to not bite your tongue on those stag weeks??? I would have thrown a "wobbly" over the first one LOL!
I know it's supposed to be harder to bond with the baby etc etc but how about WANTING to look after your beautiful blooming pregnant wife who is bearing your child (have I been reading too many novels???)
I didn't mention the birth to him as I kinda wanted him to realise that babies do come early on his own but NOPE.
I guess if i'm honest I didn't want to stop him going, I wanted him to make that decision for himself. It's not just the woman thats pregnant. He has been quite annoyed the whole way through about people ignorning him and asking me how I am straight away but when it suits him he wants to be Mr single with the club passes in Bournemouth and forget his wife is currently at home looking like a beached whale. I can just about put my socks on at 18+2 so i'm dreading nearer the time!
Bubs - I did think of you and Glastonbury actually, sometimes I think we are a bit too similar ha ha! I did say to him last night about going for 1 day or maybe 2 days but by that point I most probably didn't sound like I meant it as I did have my mean head on.
I have really been cutting back on clothes, getting necessity's, have sorted my vanity unit to find about 20 bottles of moisturiser half used that i'm goign to plod through to try and save money and i'm putting that extra in baby's fund, I guess I was hoping for a miracle for him to turn around and say "it's ok, we coudl buy baby so much for that OR how about I take you away for a night to some spa as a treat before baby comes".
I do feel a bit left out already with friends etc as me and DH are about a year ahead of everyone so we got married last year and they are all getting married this year or next so family isn't on the cards until next year at the earliest. I want this baby so much but it is also incredibly tough to be 24 and watch all your mates clubbing and drinking including your DH and you be taxi!!! I thought when I got with a man 5 years older than me that the boy days were gone!
Thanks again girls, i'm sorry your going through something similar but it's comforting to know it's not just me making a bit meal out of it.
xxxxxx

Sounds just like Oli, i do everything from making his lunch box, sorting th bills to runnin ghis bath-he doesnt even know which drawers his clean clothes are in so i already have 2 kids and to be honest ruby is easy peasy compared to her father,lol.

He gets to go out and it is assumed i will baby sit-of course i dont mind but its the way its taken for granted that pisses me off,if i want to go out i have to ask him or arrange a sitter-because he sees me going out as the green light for him,

2 of our closest mates are getting married next month and the stag night has now turned into a weekend away which means that i cannot go to the hen party unless i get a sitter which i cannot afford if hes away the entire weekend so guess who gets left at home. . . arg!

I was 22 when i had ru and i was lucky quite a few of my school friends had kids already but theirs were older and they go out all the time and now part of me finds it so difficult but one look at my baby and its all worth it.xxx

oh OB - I think men are definately from teh same mould. My DH struggles to find the wash bin! I think the government should give us girls husband benefit as we bloody do everything for them!
It does come down to money too like you say, if you had to plan a sitter and everything it costs so much but men have this green light, there was me thinking it might change when baby is here.
It has annoyed me but I guess deep down it's really upset me that even when he can see i'm shattered, struggling to do things now and worrying about our little bean growing and developing, all he seems to care about is this weekend away with his mates for his last weekend of freedom. I just wondered where mine fits in! xxxxxxxx

I get the same hon, he comes in from work about 6pm just in time for him to put ruby to bed, once she is in bed he either parks his butt on the sofa and waits for tea or disapears over to the club opposite whilst i cook the tea, clean kitchen and bathroom,sort hi slunch box out then he actually has the nerve to try for sex and gets the hump because i am tired!?!!?!?xxx

Oh hon, thats so nice of him. Just in time to put Ru to bed, I bet men class that as bonding!
I have actually told DH that he is now making dinner EVERY night of the week as if I make dinner he parks his arse on the sofa, if he makes it I usually do the ironing or hoover or something so I gave him the option. Clean whilst I cook or cook whilst I clean, he chose to cook. I'm a little peeved to be honest about it and I have made it known that if he wants a wife that cooks and cleans then he needs to go out and get a job that earns the same as we both do combined so I don't have to work then I'll sit at home and play housewife. I work the same hours as him and bring home a bit more too so in my eyes it should be 50:50. God forbid when I go on maternity leave, he's going to think i'm off on a jolly and have lots of spare time...!xx

When i was home sick, my sickness was so bad i couldnt keep down water oh used to want tea ready when he got in, so i would be stood cooking with a plastic bucket then he would complain cause the kitchen smelled of sick!?!?!?
Oli has no idea how to cook-he struggles with the microwave.
Oli will also not clean he thinks the wash basket is the bedroom floor, the washing machine is an alien object to him and the hoover?!??! he doesnt even know where its kept HOWEVER when he is home weekends he does most things for ruby from making her breakfast so i get a lay in he dresses her(ok she looks a bit mismatched) but he takes her to the park so i can clean(thanks for that love) and he is a great dad just a useless bloody sod around the place,lol.xxx

oh QB, at least he looks after Ru of a weekend but ever so nice to leave the cleaning to you! I guess we are asking for a miracle. DH will clean but if I ask him about 5 times then moan then he complains the whole way through but it does eventually get done!!! Lets hope Nick bucks his ideas up and is a good dad, even if he is a lazy poobag!!! xxx

I am sure he will be a fab dad honey, he is getting it all out now,lol
But doesnt make it any easier, i think its harder the first time because we expect them to be great and because its not their bodies they dont change but hand him the newborn and its a diff story.xxx

Thanks honey, i'll keep reminding myself that of that I'm stood over him with a pitchfork when he's asleep!!!!!

hahahah i guess it beats a kitchen knife????xxx

ha ha ha, he should think himself lucky then eh! I'll remind him of that! xxxxxxx

sorry just giggling away now you are insane in a good way!lol.xxx

Thanks hon, I'll take that as a compliment....... I'm sorry but no man messes me with chick!!! You wouldn't beleive i'm quite a quiet person.xxxx

Oh hun, bless you for feeling like this (well you and QB!)
Men really are completely rubbish when it comes to us pregnant ladies - or for that matter anything in general.
Now, i'm not going to start a rant about Dom today because i'm already feeling slightly stressed and if i did start it i would be here for days - he's doing my head in!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right, breathe Kelly.

Best thing chick is to just come on here and have a good old moan - you know how much we love it.
On another note, not that i know Nick or anything, but i'm sure he'll be brilliant when baby H arrives sweety
xxx
29+3

you okay kelly?
Lol em-u just make mw giggle hon sorry.xxx

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to add a word of caution. When I was pregnant with DD hubby had organised a weekend away to a festival in Amsterdam 5 weeks before my due date. At first I was fine with it, last fling before baby etc. but as date got closer I got more nervous. Anyway the day before he due to fly I ended up in hospital with suspected pre eclampsia so he didn't get to go anyway and lost ??300 on flights and ticket. I still dwell on the fact that if I'd had my bp checked a day later he would already have been away and I've have been in hospital and scared by myself. I will certainly not be letting him go away that close to the end this time.

I wouldn't have a problem with a stag week but not 4 weeks before my due date. I think he should consider how close to the end you will be.