Had my initial appointment with mother and baby unit as been feeling very low after birth of son. Tough time due to emergency crash c section, knocked out, told baby might not live, sparated for 4 days etc. Things loads better 6 months down the line but still have moments when he cries when i feel nothing at all except anger at the noise.
Sutting long story short the doctor took my notes etc to decide what course of action should be. I said no to medication but she asked me whether i wated to come and stay on the unit!!! (She pointed out ther were mothers who couldn't even hold their children there!) Then kept pushing me to have medication. I honestly am functiong well just need to talk through the trauma of the birth and separation anxieties.
Not sure why i am posting. Gues was surprised at how fast they are to suggest pills or a stay on a physchiatric unit!!!!

I know what you mean. I had a traumatic csection, it was awful, can't even think about it. My hv keeps pushing for me to go to the doctor but I know that they will just stick me on pills and have done with it. I know it's not the answer for me. I'm happy at the moment enjoying my little girl. My hubby had a hard time after my section and ended up self harming, he went to the doctor and they sent him to a psychologist and put him on pills, they work for him but I feel like the docs are too quick to prescribe them. You just need someone to talk to sometimes, or someone to tell you why what happened actually happened. Just to help you understand.
You have to do what is right for you and you're little boy. If YOU think the pills will help then take them, but only if they are right for you. Have you spoken to the doctors where you had you're baby? Thats what they suggested to me, personally it wouldn't help me because it would just bring it all back, I can't even look at the hospital without panicking, let alone see the staff!!!
Hope you are ok.

Lucy

Can i be cheeky and ask what happened to you? Obviously if it is too upsetting don't disclose anything. It's just that anyone i speak to eho has also had an 'emergency c section' has really just had a c section but not in life/death situation and knocked out by general anaesthetic so nobody guesses the stress when you say you have had one. They just make some sort of rubbish joke about being too push to push etc.

you are lucky to be offered that kind of help, i wish i was x

i didnt mean that to sound nasty im sorry. im in selfish mode, feeling so down. i hope u get the help u need. take care xx

Hey Just Married

Yeah I don't mind, I don't really get to talk to anyone. Give me your email address and I'll email you. Are you on facebook? I am Lucy Neal on facebook.

Lucy

Hi justmarried I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the mo. I know what you mean about the c section, mine was classed as "emergency" but it wasnt really as my lo was absolutely fine he had just got stuck! Lol. But my mil had a traumatic csection, she was 29 weeks with 2nd baby and was having an eclamptic fit, they had missed the pre-eclampsia at her antenatal visits...Anyway my fil had 2 make the decision whether to save her or lo and he said her...so they did the c/s...but baby lived she is 23 now. But my mil was in a coma for days afterwards. She said she had real difficulty bonding and never played or talked to sil when she was a baby, just fed and changed her, etc, cos she didnt feel that "bond" due to having a general. I know what you mean that GPs etc are often too willing to prescribe medication. Are you seeing a counseller at all? Have u spoke to birth trauma association? You prob have but just suggesting things. Hope you will soon get over your pnd. x

God what a mess eh, yeah i think doctors are to fast to prescrible AD now its been on the news and evrything, they seem to just give them out like paracetamol, i was diagnosed with realy bad depresion ( by filling out a questionaire??? :S how th fek u ment to no by fillin out sum questions) they gave me tablets and i never took them, i decided id try and get through without them, the only thing i was down about was that you cant just give the baby to some one else, when your by yoursel, i was 16... and i did feel like sometimes i didnt want to be here, but they took that the rong way and said i was thinking bout commiting suicide but all i ment was that i didnt want to be there in that room/house with the baby. there so bludy stupid they do my head in, evrything now even the slightest thing seems to be 'Oh you have depresion we'll put u on tablets' even when you just need to talk to some one, that helps alot, jus having some one who can relate to what happened, i gave birth naturaly but because i gave birth standin up i neded stitches and im petrified of needles, so in the end i was bleeding that bad i needed a spinal block to get them, imagine that, your walking about fine seeing to your baby for 6 hours and then dragged in to theatre to get stitches and banged up in a bed for 8 hours!

xlisax

Hey justmarried

whats your real name, a few people have added me on facebook and I'm not sure which one is you!!!!

Lu

you are going to think i am being offish but i feel funny about giving out details online, even if about facebook, soi hope you'll forgive me for not adding you.
Thanks to all the replies. I do hope those who need help are offered it or at least push for it. Will post again when have a moment!

I had mild PND after having mu 1st baby (now 11), I was almost diagnosed at 6 weeks but panicked at the thought and covered up how I was feeling until she was 2! When I did get help I never had medication, I was referred for counselling and it was the best thing for me, even though I'm crap at talking about my feelings. If you think it might help ask for it. I think they push anti deppressants as they are cheaper than one on one councelling.
My lo is 11 weeks now and just starting to feel low, recognising signs sooner than before so hope to get on top of it.
Good luck and do give counselling a try. (apparently alcohol is not the answer! lol)

I had an emergency c sect under a G/A 3 years ago with my first daughter. Extremely traumatic & took me until she turned 2 to go to my doctor and ask for help. Mine was more anxiety than depression but i was prescribed pills (which i didn't take as i was worried i'd become addicted) and saw a counsellor a few times. For me talking about what happened was a lot better than medication. Looking back I'm surprised that it wasn't picked up sooner as i cried to my HV a few times. Unfortunately i now have a vicious cycle of feelings of guilt with my daughter. Guilt that i didn't deliver her properly, slept for the first 2 hours of her life, didn't bond with her immediately, didn't breastfeed her long enough & that's just the first 6 months! I could go on but i wont!

Since having my second daughter 4 months ago (an elective c sect) i realise just how much i missed out on with my first. I feel totally different this time around (like how you feel it should be) and that just re-enforces the guilt i feel towards my first daughter.

Somewhere along the line things all came together & the bond i feel towards the both of them is exactly the same. I think the second section helped as it was such a positive experience that it kind of blotted out the first one out if that makes any sense!

I think women should automatically be offered counselling in that situation. It's extremely traumatic & people seem to be of the opinion that 'things could have been alot worse' & of course i totally agree with that statement, i dread to think what could've been & am truely grateful for the people on shift that night but it doesn't stop us 'grieving' in a sense for the birth we missed & the struggles we encounter as a result.

I'm sorry that turned into a bit of an essay. I hope you start to feel a lot better very soon.

Claire xxx

Thanks for your lovely replies. It's nice to hear from someone else who gave birth under general anaesthetic as I never in a million years contemplated that situation. I can totally understand the guilt as I am feeling a bit better but also mega guilty for 'wasting' 6 mths of his life having no feelings and jjust getting through the days counting the minutes until bedtime. I get upset whenever I see birth scenes in soaps etc as I can't veven imagine it and the moment you are handed a baby.

Hi, I have sufferd with depression before, I whent to the doctors and they perscribed medication. It wasnt right for me It just felt pointless. I believe there are two types of depression, I was suffering because of a traumatic event that caused me great upset and disturbance in my life and I dont think that sort of depression can be cured by medication unlike perhaps a chemical inbalance caused for and unknown reason. In the end I avoided the doctors and whent to a volontry councelling service which was exactly what I needed I had the time to talk through my feelings and fears, this i believe could also be of help to some of you try finding a seperate counselling service.

take care xx

Thank you...I'm going to look for some counselling....I've thought about it...been through alot lately...

Dad died 5 yrs ago from cancer...held his hand as he went. lost a baby at 17 weeks...a little boy...I still feel the guilt that we let him be cremated and we were not able to be there.

I fell pregnant a month after we lost little Joe and now have a gorgeous little boy...Liam who is 7 months.

Hi justmarried, sorry to hear that you are having a bit of a bad time of it. I had PND after my second and also have it now after my third. Just wanted to say though that I had a similar experience with the birth of my first - emergency section, etc etc thought both me and baby were not going to make it - wont bore you with all the details but it was pretty hrrific. Anyway I didnt get to hold her for several days and never ever talked about what happened or really found out all the details of what happened - she is now 9 and to this day I still find it really difficult to get close to her and connect with her. I wish I had had the opportunity at the time to go through all that happened and really get to the bottom of my feelings as maybe I still wouldnt be going through PND now and the feelings of guilt and inadequacy that I have towards my eldest. You are right to stick to your guns but I would take all the offers that you get. Have you thought about asking to see a psychiatric nurse? That way you could talk through everything without going in to the unit to stay? Anyway, I hope that you feel brighter soon.
xxx

Thanks. I do see a psychiatric nurse every few weeks who is pretty good but tends to talk about himself for most of our sessions!! Am getting used to feeling this way and think that as he gets older and more responsive to me it will get easier. Some days I am just waiting to put him to bed, others I really enjoy being his mom, other days I wonder if I was selfish bringing him into this world. I never realised having a baby would be this tough and am so thankful for friends, family and a wonderful hubby.
Thanks for all your advice.Things are getting better, slowly.

gosh . this is incredible coming on these forums. i am just coming out of the worst 3 years of my entire life after having very severe pnd and i thought it was only me. it is amazing to see other people having the same feelings etc. please you will get better. i never ever thought i would but i do feel like the old me.