Dont know why - I just feel like Ive lost all confidence in myself - I feel numb, like I need a good cry but cant.

I know I dont come on here much these days but I feel like Ive been steadily becomeing lower and lower. Most of the time I put a brave face on it but no one else knows how I feel - I mean I dont even know why I feel this way myself!

I just feel like everything I do I mess up - I feel so disorganised around the house - no-one has said anything cos our front room isnt that bad but every other bit of housework - Im soooo behind on I dont even know where to start.

Like today - Amber went to nursery - dh took her and I just spent the whole morning in bed when Id usually be up at 6ish and when Id planned to use the time to catch up on the housework.

It's like no-one else around me realises how hard it is to be a Mum and cope with the. endless nights of little or no sleep and when I talk to them about it they just dont get it or take me seriously saying that theyre tired cos they have to get up at 6 to drive an hr to work or something! Yeah but at least you dont have to get up multiple times and deal with a hungry/tired or just plain awake baby! It makes me feel like such a failure as a person. I know Im doing ok at being a Mum - love it - but I just cant seem to get the being myself bit right!!

This is the disadvantage of having no really close friends who have babies and no-one close in our family who have babies! Only dhs cousin offers to help when she can as she works f/t and has 14yr old twins so gets it.

Like the Christening on Sun apart from a couple of friends Ive met at a baby group I go - its just family who have an average age of 50 I bet and our 6 close friwnds none of whom have kids. I just dont know where I went wrong! I feel like such a failure - like Ive missed out on a family with lots of kids and friends with kids. Having Amber has been the most amazing thing to happen to me and the toughest and it has made me realise just how maternal I am and how much I love kids.

Ive gone way off tangent again - thinking and writing! I dont even know if this is why I feel so low. Maybe I do have pnd - I just dont feel quite right and I sometimes hate being me which is hard to admit especially when Im so lucky to have Amber. I suppose its like Im on a differant wavelength from my friends and family all of a sudden and its a major adjustment. Ive changed alot - become more appreciative of the simple pleasures in life - just a thought!

I do waffle dont I lol! I dont expect any responses - itll be a miracle if anyone gets what on Earth Im on about!

Amanda hun have you spoken to your DH or your mum about how you feel?

You make perfect sense so theres no worry about people knowing what your on about.

It could be pnd, im no expert but maybe have a chat with your gp print off what you have just wrote if you feel you may struggle to explain. Im not going to say I know how you feel as I dont im in a similar situation to you in terms of having no friends and family with children and being massively maternal and unable to habve anymore. BUT i've had a lot more time to get used to that than you and I remember how hard that adjustment was, maybe speaking to someone may help you with that.

Don't feel guilty about how you feel, it doesn't mean you don't love or feel happy to have Amber your struggling as you know what your human its ok to feel this way. Well done for writing it down try and speak to someone especially your gp

lots of love and hugs sweetheart

Em xxxxx

Hi Amanda

This is something i've had a good think about over the past few weeks as sometimes daily i find myself in tears, more often at 3 in the morning whilst humming beautiful dreamer trying to get a very awake tyler back to sleep. No one realises how hard being a mum is, unless they've tried it and gone through similar. I get no support off my family or my hubs family, my brother didn't sleep for longer than half an hour at a time day or night until he was 5, so my parents have very little sympathy for me, both sets of parents work full time. Although I have friends who have small babies we are all wrapped up in our own little worlds to see or do anything with each other much. My HV visited last week, and after saying that at 6 months Tyler SHOULD be sleeping through the night I got abit upset with it all, its all so overwhelming and such a responsibility at times. She suggested that I may have PND, basically one of the happy hormones slows down after the birth which is why we get so low. She's coming back next week to do the PND test on me, from there she will refer me to the doctors, my hubs doesn't know half of how i feel as i think we're like ducks, it all goes on under the surface.

Maybe its worth speaking to your HV, mine understood that I didn't just want to go to the doctors and start from scratch and she would work as an in between. I understand how you feel, and i'm there is loads of us on here in the same boat. You're not alone chick.

Hope i haven't rambled too much.
Sarah

Sorry you're feeling like this hun - too tired to go into how I'm feeling at the moment so wanted to send a massive virtual hug and say you're not alone .... OH's parents are 80 and mine are 200 miles away - no support there, and I'm the last of my 'circle' to have a baby so we get left out of stuff cos Freddie's too young - suffice to say you ladies on here are a lifeline and I'd be lost without you

much love n hugs xx

oh hunny - i dont feel i can offer advice as i am not feeling too hot at the moment so best not to listen to me!!!

However what i can do is offer a shoulder whenever you need one - rant away and we will do our best to help you.

You are doing amazingly - you have a beautiful daughter - you have a serious health problem and you are back at work - you are AWESOME x x x

I don't really know what to say except I am feeling the same at the mo. Hubby has been off work with depression since Easter, my little one generally is fab, but I just can't cope if he cries & I can't console him - he head butted me this morning (obviously something he can't help!) & I just felt like I was just the biggest failure ever. Like Dylansmummy says, speak to your gp - expecially if these feelings don't lift. I think my feelings will, but I am keeping an eye on things & will get help if I need to.

However, you are doing a great job - it's such hard work, but so rewarding on the whole. I have lots of friends with babies, but I often feel like everyone else knows better & is doing a far better job than me. You are great, and you are doing so well.

Hope this helps,

Hi hun,

Firstly you have done the right thing about writing everything down, I went through a bad patch a couple of months ago and I just felt like I couldnt cope anymore and I was just a rubbish mum, Olivia was crying all the time and I wasnt getting out of the house and I just felt so low to the point were I just didnt want to go on. Things have started improving slowly since then, I try and get out everyday, even for a short walk it just helps me clear my head and just trying to do little things that help to cheer me up and help relax me and this has helped improve both my mood and Olivia's.
I think the best thing to do is sit down and have a long chat with hubby, also think you should see your gp or hv and see if it is post-natal and remember you are not on your own, we are all here to talk and listen to you xxxx

Thinking of you. Just echo what the girls said. You are amazing being back at work already with everything else going on x

I too can relate to how you feel. It can be real hard. The tiredness can certainly make everything feel so much harder too. And not having the circle of friends around that you can mix with and offload to is difficult.
You do mention that you have a baby group that you go to. Do you still all meet up and regularly? Maybe if you opened up to them, or even one of them, then you could get some more understanding support. I have recently joined one where I am in sydney and it has been a blessing as I didnt go to one before we moved. The other day I had hit a wall with exhaustion and Brody's unsettledness and I turned up to the group - late - and as soon as they asked how I was I got all teary. The response was all this understanding of "I hear you!!!" Just to be able to offload, and with people who really understand, in the moment, was enough for my spirits to lift again (as well as a much needed rest that night when hubby gave me a break).
I have also started this week to go to a general post natal group. It is brilliant. We spend some time discussing a topic each week, and the rest of the time is spent with each of us offloading how our week has been. It is just a great place to get things out. Do you have anything like that near you?

Sending you a big big hug. You are doing a fab job and we all have our times when we can think things can be too much, or we arent succeeding the way we "should" be. But it can be due to the high expectations we put on ourselves. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break, a good pat on the back, and be damn proud at what we have achieved in the past 6 months. But being able to offload when we do feel down is so important. We are all always here for you.
xx

Not been on here for ages Amanda but we SO need to have that meet up!!

I feel exactly the same as you, although my family are only half an hours drive away it sometimes feels like they are in Australia!!

Not gonna go into writing everything down as I wil go on for pages, i've been feeling like this for a LONG time and spoken to oh numerous times but he just tells me "its all in your head" amd the conversation usually ends up in a massive argument!!

I often feel like im a single parent. I do have a couple of other "mummy friends" who i met at a baby group, which is great as we all feel the same.

I know your back at work now and have a poorly Amber - hope she gets better enough for her christening. But send me a text and we can organise a date and time to meet up

Nici xxx