I don't even expect you to answer this as tbh no one has the answers..

As you all know we live abroad. Chris is about to do his GCSE's this year. He is adamant that he will not return to Bahrain to finish his A levels. I can see where he is coming from as there is not a lot to do for him. No real bus service to give him independance, no where to hang out etc. etc.. Also the choices of A leves are much more restrictive than at home.

He wants to join the Police and would like to study on the course called Uniform Services. This is equivalent to 3 A levels and sounds like a great course for anyone wanting to go into the Force.

Andrew is totally against it and wants him to come back here to do his A levels. I dont want him to leave but at the same time its unfair that our choice to live here is affecting the choices he has. I feel like I am piggy in the middle as they both argue over it.

There are a few options.
Chris comes back here to do Alevels and is miserable.
Chris goes home and moves in with my 27yr old brother
I go home with kids but leaving Andrew out here with no family and only seeing him a few times a year ( i would only do this for 2yrs)
I go to bed and refuse to get up till its all sorted..lol

I am really divided and know that whatever I do its going to upset one of them.

My gut feeling is to let him move in to the house we have just bought. My brother said he will move in and care for him. He is at Uni and will drive Chris to college most days. There is a good bus service too.

He will be 17 in August so seems very young to be leaving him. :\?

Agh.... just be glad that most of you only have little ones to worry about. ;\)

Let me quickly vote Dee b4 one kid wakes up crying )

- I go with your opinion of letting him move in to the house you have just bought in the UK and study.


Look fwd to read what the others vote hehe

xxx

oh hun, what a dilema!! i don't envy you at all. i know you've said before how hard it has been having Lauren leave there and come back to the UK so i can imagine how torn you are with Chris now too.

I'm not sure there is a right answer, but if Chris has better education potential here then maybe that is the answer? I can see where Andrew is coming from but he needs to think long term about Chris's future. It has to be a complete wrench for any parent.

Your not leaving him dee, he will be with your brother, who i think you have said before, you have a close relationship with and so does Chris.

Obviously your decision, but do you want Chris to have some kind of resentment later in life towards you and Andrew? I never had any choices once my GCSE's were done due to where we lived and meant i could not follow the career choices I wanted. I'm not unhappy per say but I would to have like to have had the option of trying - it may not have worked out etc. I had to stay on at school into 6th form rather than college as i lived in a tiny village with one bus a week that went to town and none that came back lol!!! parents worked opposite directions to anywhere for me to study.

How soon do you have to make a decision?!

Lara xx

Oh Dee what a nightmare.

I have to agree with the others though. I personally think the right thing to do would be to let him come to the UK to study and move into your property with your brother. I can't imagine what an awful wrench that would be but he's almost a young man and it would be awful if he held it against you later on if you made him stay, especially after you've done such a good job in terms of your positive relationships with your children. You sound like a very well balanced family and i'm sure that the good values you have installed in him will keep him sensible - and of course you will have your brother to keep him on the straight and narrow!

If he was still at high school my opinion may well be different but he's almost an adult (although of course will always be your baby even when he's 45 lol!). I don't think it would be a good idea for you to move away from Andrew for a couple of years as ultimately when our children flee the nest we are back to being 'just the two of us' and I would be worried about any strains that would put on your marriage. Also it would mean taking the younger children away from him and they then would suffer in terms of the family unit and relationship with their father and they also could also end up resenting you both for that when they are older and feel at a disadvantage to the way that Lauren and Chris were brought up. Does that make sense lol?

I don't envy this predicament at all but take comfort from the fact that you've brought (and are continuing to do so) your children up well and because of that they have great ambition and will get somewhere in life rather than being work shy and trying to sponge of you both like a lot of teenagers i know!

Failling that i'd crawl under the duvet too! Good luck xxx

Wow, thanks for great support as always! Really appreciate it.

We talked last night and Andrew is still against it. I told him we will end up with a son who resents us for keeping him back doing boring A levels when he really wants to do this Uniform services course...

http://www.mbro.ac.uk/coursesearch/coursedisplay.aspx?CourseInformationID=2172
this is the course he wants to do. It is interesting and something I know he will put his heart and soul into.

I think he will end up staying at home (eeekk my house) and fingers crossed he will do really well..

d xxx

Sorry, bit late on the old reply but I agree with the others that Chris doing the course that he wants to do in the UK is the best way forward. It will be hard on all of you, and he'll feel the distance more than he thinks he will, but if he's got an ambition then holding him back may make him resent you in years to come. It's great that your brother will move in with him to look after him and at least your house will be occupied. He's got other family up there too hasn't he? Plus he's in the same country as Lauren (is she in Manchester somewhere? Not too far from North East hey?!) and I'm sure she'll look out for her little brother. I totally agree with Claire that you have instilled fantastic values in all of your brood and that that's what's giving him (and the others) the confidence to follow his dreams. And it does make such a refreshing change to see a teenager who knows what they want to do with their life and be willing to sacrifice what they know as 'normal' to acheive their ambitions instead of taking the easy option of bank of mum and dad!
I know it's not the same distance wise but I went to live in France for 10 months having quite literally just turned 18. Spent 4 months living with a French family and going to school and then 6 months working out there. Mum wasn't that keen, dad took a bit of convincing but ultimately it was a fabulous opportunity for me and I loved every minute of it, the freedom didn't send me bonkers lol and, as cheesy as it sounds, I respect them so much for loving me enough to let me go. If Joe or Evie ever want to do it I may feel differently though lol!
God, I've waffled~sorry! Hope it comes across as I mean it to, struggled with my words tonight lol!!
Zoe
Xx

Sorry bit late too. What a difficult situation for you.

I just wanted to add that, when i was 17 I went with an organisation to Namibia in a gap year. My mum was apprenhensive but i'm so glad she let me go it really built my confidence and helped me to become who I am, I loved having my indepence and was very sensible. So I think it would be good to let Chris go to do what he wants in UK, as he will get to do what he wants to get into the force and also help him gain confidence and independence etc. However I can totally understand why your hubby is not so keen. I hope it all gets sorted. I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, so whatever the outcome, it will be the right one - if that makes sense.

Mez x x

Claire, Zoe and Mez, thanks so much for taking the time to reply. Your stories all give me the confindence to let go...

He is going to stay at home (subject to his acceptance at the college) to study. It is not ideal but what is? I will miss him more than I can say but I know it is for the greater good.

Thanks again

d xxx