Hi ladies,

Hope you and your gorgeous babies had a lovely Xmas and New Year. We've not had such a good time unfortunately....

Little Heidi developed a severe rash on her face at about 2 weeks old, the Dr sent us straight to the hospital and they prescribed her antibiotics. Poor thing just seemed too tiny to be on medication and she hated it. I was in tears every time I had to give it to her. Then.... She developed diarhea (sp) and another severe rash on her bum. We then ended up down the Dr's another 4 times and the hospital another 3 times!!! After 2 weeks of her screaming in agony doing runny poos 15 times a day they diagnosed her as lactose intolerant.

Anyways the reason for my post is because she is lactose intolerant we've had to put her on special formula and I've had to stop breastfeeding. It's awful!!! I know it's best for her but I just feel so lost not being able to have that special bond and I so wanted to bf her as much as poss. I was in tears when hubby fed her. I feel like I've lost part of me....

Anyone else had to go onto a bottle?!!?

Becky and Heidi 5 weeks today xxxx

Poor wee Heidi

Must be hard, when you have your heart set on bf and then to have to formula. Like you said, it's for the best, but still.

Isaac is only 5 days old, and I'm feeding him so can't offer any advice I'm afraid. Although I did get the day 4 tears yesterday. Not the same I know.

xx

Aw honey I'm sorry to hear this. I really feel your pain- I gave birth in the early hours of the morning on Thursday the 16th Dec and I breast fed all that day and all of the Friday and Saturday and LOVED it more than I could have ever imagined- I felt so bonded with my girl and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Then on the Saturday night I started to feel really unwell. I limped on and got through Sunday but then by Sunday night I had become incredibly ill- it turned out that not only did I have flu but I also had a lung infection. I was still trying desperately to breast feed but on Monday afternoon my little girl suddenly went ice cold and floppy and wouldn't wake up- we dialed 999 and were sent 2 ambulances and it turned out that my girl was taking a bad allergic reaction to the painkillers that I had been given for post birth pain and the lung infection pain. At the hospital I was told that because my breast milk was tainted with the painkillers and because I was so ill and unable to feed her enough that I would need to swap to formula milk. From there I could have waited for the painkillers to go out of my system but because of the lung infection and flu I just got progressively more ill to the point where my mum and my husband had to take complete care of my baby as all I could do was sleep and cough- the midwife even had to bring masks in for me to wear so that I could at least be in the same room as my baby! I remained really ill until approx 27th Dec so my baby was on formula for a whole week. During the week I had been expressing so that she could get some breast milk and to keep the flow going but what I hadn't realised was how different artificial teats and nipples are and when it came to putting her back on the breast her way of sucking had changed so much so that breast feeding had become impossible- she couldn't latch on properly, she made my nipples bleed and on several occasions managed to latch onto my boob and not my nipple and give me huge blood blisters on my boobs. Despite my desperate perseverance it was no good and in the end I had to accept that breast feeding was no longer an option and sadly enough because I stopped feeding/expressing so regularly my milk started to dry up to the point where I can barely express anything now So that's how my little one has ended up on formula and I HATE it! I am so gutted especially as I so dearly loved the breast feeding experience and the bonding and health benefits that came with it and on top of all that I am a lifelong vegetarian and had planned to bring baby up in the same way but unfortunately there are no vegetarian formulas available on the market as they all contain fish oils but I had no option and in the end had to accept that in order to do what was best for my baby that I had to sacrifice my breast feeding and my plan for baby to be vegetarian- especially driven home when I was initially reluctant with the formula and the midwife said that we were not feeding baby enough and that her weight was not satisfactory which scared me and made me realise that as gutting as the situation was that my little girls health had to come first and that was that! But I do know what you mean about feeling lost- especially when someone else bottle feeds her and I do so feel your pain but I guess that we both just have to be strong and concentrate on making happy and healthy babies. Big hugs and I'm here if you ever need to talk xx

Somebunny-how are you feeling now? All better? And Clara, must have been so terrifying for you.

I've also had to bottle feed which I feel soooooo guilty about my LO only latched on for two half hour feeds in 3 days and fell asleep mid feed. All she did was sleep and I felt her getting weaker and weaker in the end I had to admit defeat and give her a bottle which also took quite a bit of getting used to for her.

I tried expressing but the midwife said it would be hard to sustain the levels I'd need so reluctantly and to save tabitha being messed about I decided to exclusively bottle feed.

She's now 3 weeks old and seems to be doing well although I still have the odd day where I get really down as I feel like I'm the only person in the world not breast feeding I keep trying to remember that it doesn't in any way make me a bad mum and I was bottle fed and have suffered from the least amount of illnesses/ horrible conditions out of anyone I know.

So your definitely not alone

I think it is shocking how we all feel bad if we have to give our babies a bottle....

I am doing all three... Expressing, breast feeding and 'top up' bottle feeding.... do I feel bad... NOPE. (least not anymore) Ethan is a very happy baby.... so I cant be doing it all that wrong.

Basicly for the first week I exclusively BF, after the C-Section my body was weak... In a lot of pain and toward the end of the week my nipples were red and so so sore.
I felt like I couldn't enjoy my son without being in pain....

Got to the point I was breaking down a little.... Ethan didn't eat like a new born... he likes big feeds (so my milk supply didn't have time to build up)

So we gave him a bottle... I was so emotional and full of guilt. (was so sure he wouldn't take to my milk again) I refused to give him the bottle at first....
for a day I stopped BF all together and expressed milk for him as well (so I didn't lose my supply)

I do envy people who can exclusively BF, but Ethan is getting what he needs/wants... who am I to stop that!

Plus he is a very messy BFing baby.... I get covered in my own milk... (so I prefer to do so first thing in the morning and last thing at night,.... maybe a little in between...)
I think would have been easy to BF if I didn't have the C-Section.... as I could have coped better with his demands on my body better.

I am taking each day as it comes... and refusing to feel guilty about anything I do now...

Try not to let it get you down... I can understand your feelings... you get all this BF information thrown at you that you feel you have to BF babies....
But I think every mother and baby is different... so only you and baby can know what is right for you both...

I had to give some formula top-ups, because Milly had jaundice and her blood sugar dipped, so she needed to feed as often as possible but was just too sleepy to get good feeds from me (my colostrum just wasn't cutting it!) but it was very different to your situation because I was (and still am) breastfeeding as well.

Mayabe you could try having skin to skin contact when you give her the bottle (the two of you could snuggle up in a cosy blanket or something) so you still have that closeness with her? Obviously you wouldn't be able to do it for every feed, but it might be worth a try sometimes?

You have done really well to get the problem diagnosed and fixed so soon (and that is what makes a good mummy - not the type of milk you give your baby!) my friends baby is allergic to dairy but that didn't get identified until Izzy was 4 months old (they just said it was colic) so they had months of hell. I know that's not much comfort now though.

Anyway - big hugs.
Nx

Thank you do much for sharing ladies... I don't feel so alone!!!

Somebunny - what an awful time you've had. You poor thing. Is everything going well now?

I'm still totally gutted I'm not feeding Heidi but seeing her thrive on the formula is helping a little. Hubby goes back to work tomorrow so it'll just be us 2 so maybe that'll help. I guess as a woman BF takes a lot of thought as there are so many horror stories but I loved every minute of it and everything was going so well so it's just been snatched away from me. I'll efinitely do it againif I have more though, it really is somthing special.

Nikki - what a fab idea thank you

Well done to all of you still BF!!!!

Xxxxx

I'm so.sorry to hear what a rough time a few of you have had with this. I just wanted to say that you should be comforted by the fact you bf at first as the first couple of days are the most important and will have given your babies an excellent start with antibodies etc...
We all know the reasons why bf is preferable but obviously the main one is that it is better for your baby and in your cases this isn't the case - you are doing the best thing for your baby and so shouldn't feel at all guilty for giving formula.
Xxx

i just want to say sounds like some of you mummies been having rough time of it!

hope your on mend now somebunny.

i stopped breastfeeding my eldest son at two weeks because he was constantly feeding and even to point where he vomited blood because my nipples were bleeding, but i dont feel that bottle feeding effected the bond at all. just take yourself somewhere quiet to do it so that you can concentrate on each other and skin to skin is great idea. i also got such satisfaction from seeing the bond develop between my husband and son.

I am breast feeding at the moment for practical reasons.

dont beat yourself up, you will have a fantastic bond with yor little ones because of the love you have not the breast milk (i think) xxx