Its seems pretty crazy to be putting this out there to people I have never met but I literally have no one that I feel like I can talk to in real life.

Oh and I just had a big arguement and I think that I have reached the end of the road with him. I went to the cinema with a couple of freinds and he was to put the baby to bed. This is only the 2nd time he has been alone with him since he was born. I got home at 8.45 and Jason was screaming blue murder. He had been crying since 5 and hadn't slept or had a bottle. As soon as I walked in the room he stopped and took the bottle from me and went to sleep. The whole time oh was going on that he was disgusted at how spoiled he is and its all my fault and then stormed off to the spare room where he has been sleeping since before Jason was born.

After I got J settled I went in and asked if he wanted a cuppa. He told me to get away from him because he was depressed at the way J had turned out and he would never have another baby with me. I told to fu????k off and the only reason he was like that with him was because the child never sees him and doesn't know him and I had dealt with J's tears and tantrums everyday on my own for 6 months.

I just do not want to be married to him anymore. I don't feel upset but very calm. Having J has given me confidence and belief in myself and I realise that this man has ground me down and belittled me so much over the last few years that I am a shadow of myself. I met him not long after I was raped by someone I was dating and he made me feel protected and a big part of me felt that if I was married I wouldn't have to go out and meet people and risk it happening again. I was very vulnerable and I let him control me but I want Me back. I felt like tonight that he doesn't really like J very much either so I don't feel so bad about it.

I just don't know how to go about doing it. I have looked at some flats but I don't know what I could afford on my salary and would probably have to go back to work early so I could use my savings for a deposit and first months rent. I would like everything to be decided and sorted before I tell my mum and dad so they aren't too worried.

I'm also worried about him trying to take the baby out of the country to Kenya and me never seeing him again. This is something that really puts me off leaving. I'd rather be unhappy forever than never see my son again. I wonder if there is anyway that I can stop him from getting J a Kenyan passport?

Anyway, lots to think about.

Faithie I'm so sorry that you've had a horrible night, after getting out for some much needed 'me time'. I don't have much advice but just want to give you a hug ( and little Jason after being so upset too). Also for everything you've been through in the past, it must have been awful for you.

Reading this it does seem to me that you've made your mind up about leaving. Are you past the stage where you could talk about it and try to get your oh more involved, make him see what he's missing out? I know you've posted before about your husband's other commitments and how it affects you as a family, is he still working as many hours?

I don't know about the passport but surely if he already had a UK passport he wouldn't be able to get another one? Maybe you could go ahead and get him a UK passport? Perhaps you could speak to citizen's advice about the legal side of everything?

Sorry I am not much help. You have to do what is best for you and your little one. x

I relied to your other post x