Hi Everyone,

Don't know where to start but yesterday i found out that i've miscarried at 10 weeks. I got sent for an early scan as i've been having dark brown discharge since the weekend on and off. What should have been the best day of our lives has turned out to be the worst. The sonographer said that she couldn't find a heartbeat and that the baby only looked 6 weeks old, she also told us for an extra kick in the face that it looked like a twin birth but there was no twin.....

My h2b and i are just besides ourself and to make matters worse, i have to go back to the hospital next week for another scan.....I just don't see the point as they have already said that there is no heartbeat. So i've got our dead baby inside me still and thats meant to be ok....I'm still meant to function....how the hell am i gonna do that?

After my scan next week i've got to decide if i want nature to take its cause or choose to take tablets to bring the miscarriage on and then go on a ward to basically bleed and get rid of our baby....Nature isn't really taking its cause at the moment, so scared to go to the toilet as i never know what i'm gonna find...

I just can't believe this is happening to us.....

We're due to get married in April so we've got that to look forward to but as much as i want this still, it doesn't come anywhere close to consoling (sp) me...

This was gonna be our first baby, we've been trying for 2 and half years and its all amounted to sweet FA. Sorry to go on but i just feel so angry....how could i have not known that something was wrong for the past 4 weeks?

How are we gonna face the hospital next week when we know what we're gonna see on the scan, i just need to be able to get what i have to have done over and done with now but i've got to wait...why? My poor h2b is trying so hard to be strong for me but i've told him its a 2 way thing and i'm there for him too. Seeing him cry so much yesterday nearly killed me....he's still resting at the mo and i know this is just too much to take in and try and make sense of...

Thanks so much for listening, although i feel so lonely, i know we're not the only people this has happened to, it just feels like it...

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I remember you from the June forum.

I was there too until miscarriage two weeks ago.

You will get through this together, I know it doesn't feel like it but you will. There's nothing else I can say, it's just awful.

I will say this though - if you're not happy with what the hospital want you to do, you don't have to do it. Phone them up and tell them how you feel and insist you want things moved along quicker. Or, you could try and get your GP to sort it out for you. It's not fair or healthy making you wait.

I found so much support on this forum - just knowing that I wasn't alone helped, and you're not alone.

We're all here if you need us - just email.

Take care hun.
B x

Hi SoHappy,

I'm so sorry to hear about you're news - i know it's the hardest thing to ever go through for BOTH of you. We got married in January and it was the proudest day of my life when (on my DH birthday) in September i was pregnant - got diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy 2 weeks later. So i kind of understand how you're feeling at the moment.

To be honest nothing anyone says will make you feel any better at this point - but you sound like you're a strong sensible girl and you and you're OH are there for each other (it's the 2nd hardest thing to do to see you're OH crying!!)

If i were you i'd go right back to ECU and tell them you can't wait a week - they must understand what you're going through!!

This was our 1st baby too and i didn't feel like there was anything going wrong either until i started to bleed - i had no pain initially either!!!

We're all here for you honey, no matter what it is, for a moan, a cry or a question you feel like you can't ask anyone else - we'll try and help - YOU ARE NOT ALONE HONEY!!!

Anything i can do for you honey - just ask!!!!

Love & Hugs

Broxi xx

I just want to say that you are not alone. I miscarried at the weekend - first ever pregnancy and trying for 7 months.

Broxi is right in that nothing will make you feel any better. Do whatever you have to do to get through this and definitely speak with the hospital about moving things forward.

This forum has been just great for support. I took great comfort knowing that other ladies had also miscarried and understood how I felt. My family and friends cannot understand because they haven't been through it.

We are always here for you if you need to talk, cry, moan etc.

My thoughts are with you.

C.xx

you do feel terribly lonely - it does get easier but unfortunately you are right smack bang in the hardest bit at the moment.

you do feel like the most unluckiest person alive - and you ask yourself WHY ME! what have i done..i am a good person!!! But unfortunately it just wasnt meant to be (still does not comfort me knowing this though!)

I mc in sepember - my 1st baby. This forum is the reason that I am still sane!! (Well my hubby was great too)

There is nothing to say that can console you, I hope you feel better soon and I am sorry for your loss - I send you my love xxx

Hi Sohappy,

Just read your post and Had to reply my husband and I went for our scan last Fri (I was 12+4) and we were waiting to see our baby for the first time when the scan lady went silent and after endless minutes and clicking on the screen she told us our baby had no heart beat and had probably died 2-3 weeks earlier. Nothing prepares you for such news and thats just the beginning, they wanted me to have surgery straight away but I was reeling from the fact the baby I thought I was still carrying hadn't been alive for a while, there were no symptoms I was still nauseous and my breasts had grown in the last week or so, so nothing made sense. I went home to think about my options at first I wanted to things to pass natuarally but there was no sign of this and i knew we couldn't move forward till something happened.

After lots of reading up on natural miscarriage, medical miscarriage and erpc and opted for the erpc. If you want to find out more of what i went through let me know... they probably want to scan you because 6 weeks is the cut off for picking up a heart beat so they'll want to make sure they're sure...this leaves you in a terrible, terrible position my heart goes out to you and I do know how you feel at the moment, just try to decide what you would like to do next and ask all the questions you need to to as I was left with hardly any inofrmation on the Friday and I had to arrange an appointment at the EMU for go through everything in detail before I made my decision.

Take care of yourselves and do ask questions I was on the June forum for a while then went abroad and left things till my scan but then my world crashed and i didn't think I could come back on again but your post just made me respond.. please ask if you'd like any info on the erpc or anything I'm so sorry for you both and all the rest of us who've had our dreams crushed xxx

Oh honey I am so sorry. Nothing I can say right now is going to make you feel any better but the pain will ease over time. For now you and your oh need to lean on each other and support each other through this awful time. We are all here for you if you need anything at all. Make sure you let it all out xxx

I just really wanted to thank all of you for answering my post, i know that you are all sincere in your words, thanks so much, think i need to speak to the hospital for more information but its the weekend now so don't know x

Oh sweetheart I'm so so sorry to hear your sad news. it is simply the saddest, hardest thing to go through. Just reading your words makes me remember that awful raw emptiness and anger. But I promise you it will ease with time and with love and support. I had the same thing on my second mc 18 months ago when I had to wait 2 weeks to be scanned again, it almost sent me round the twist needing to know and then deciding what to do next. But use the hospital and drs for all the advice you can get. Weekend or not, they will be there to support and advise you, so ring them if you need to. Also the Miscarriage Association is a good place to go for advice and help. if you google them you can get online advice or a help number to call. Thinking about you at this awful time and sending lots of love and hugs. Keep us posted with how you're doing. xx

Thanks girls.

I did phone the hospital today and managed to get some more info. Unfortunately i can't have the surgical procedure because my baby's sac is too small and they may miss actually getting hold of it after giving me a general anaesthetic so i have to either do nothing or have the medical procedure which involves taking tablets and pessaries to bring on the miscarriage and then go on a ward where they check what has been passed. Because i just want to be able to move on i have decided that i'm gonna go for the medical treatment which will begin on thurs (with the scan) and 1 tablet to weaken my cervical lining and then i'll go back on sat for the rest (the pessaries)and hopefully home that day if my bleeding is controllable. I just need to be able to get everything removed all in one go if at all possible.

I still can't believe i've got to make these decisions but there's no way i can opt for nothing as it can drag on for ages (the hosp said thay won't let me go more than 6 weeks due to the risk of infection) but i just can't bear the thought of that.... not knowing when i might start bleeding heavily. I'm so scared about whats gonna happen but i've just got to face it somehow. My h2b will be with me throughout which is all that matters to me at the moment. If i'm up to it, i may post after the events.....

Thanks for caring ladies x

Wishing you all the best sweetheart. Come back on here when you feel ready.

C.xx

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

There are no words to make you feel better, but please know that we are all here for you and we care and understand.

I hope everything goes as well as possible for you in hospital.

Take care, NN xx

Thanks so much ladies for all your support and caring. I went as planned today for my 2nd scan to confirm that there is no heartbeat and sure enough there wasn't.....Both h2b and i knew thats how it would be but it was still very difficult being told this yet again....i know the staff are just doing their job and i have to admit, apart from the lady that took my bloods for hcg levels, the staff were brilliant today.

To cut a long story short i have decided not to have the medical intervention as things have moved on slowly since my last scan so i was told this morning. I was kind of freaked out with the thought of having to have contraction like pains after the tablets and felt as i just couldn't put myself through this as i was so scared. My brilliant h2b talked things through with me and in the end i have decided to let nature take its cause. He knows how much i worry about things in general and how much i didn't want to be on a ward going through this process even though part of me thinks get it over and done with.

Anyway, sure enough things have moved on as since about lunchtime i have definately had sharp pains (had none previously) and for the past hour or so i have started to have some fresh blood so i think its all starting....i'm ok with this now, just want it to happen and have dosed up on pain killers so feel a bit more comfortable, will be back next thurs for another scan to see how its all going. My h2b hasn't left me once and i just know i couldn't do this without him - i love him so much.

1 final thing, please does anyone know how i can stop getting the emails sent as yesterday i should have been week 11....don't want to see this everytime i check my emails, have followed the link on the email to unsubscribe but can't find where i do this.

Sorry this is long and thanks again xxx

Hi,

I was just about to email you to see how you were doing.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but it's good that things are moving along naturally and you'll soon be able to concentrate on the future.

Your h2b sounds fab, it's devestating for them too but they have to stay strong and look after us, it must be very hard. Mine was amazing too and I fell in love with him all over again.

I had the same problem with the emails and every time I logged on it was counting down the days until my baby should've been born. The only thing I managed to do was to go into My details and delete the due date and then into My preferences (I think) and unticked the boxes for the emails.

Take care and pamper yourself and your h2b.

We're here for you if you need us.

B x

Hi Busby,

Thanks for your reply, i'll try it to see but have tried to untick the boxes before and it keeps saying unable to save preferences, bloody thing!!!

Its just that its a constant reminder that you don't need as you have the reminder 24/7 as it is.

I really wouldn't be half as sane as i am (i think) if it wasn't for my h2b - its just like you've said, although you know why you love them, you love them all over again like you'd never think was possible. Bless them, it really does affect them so much but yes, they do have to stay strong for us too and we will love them for that - always, i can't wait to marry him!! On my ok days this week we have been sorting wedding stuff again ( something to focus on and keep us busy - hence we're skint now as we've also been having some retail therapy and being lazy with cooking etc...).

Anyway, i hope that you are coping somehow with this unbelievable situation that we find ourselves in, bless you, you sound so positive and its great for us girlies when we're having a sh*t time. Just make sure that you're being totally pampered and looked after too xxxx

You are doing so well and your husband sounds wonderful. THis forum is amazing - you can feel peoples support.

My babies (twins) hearts stopped on Friday (about 9 weeks) and i had the erpc on Monday. Its only a few days later and feeling a little better.

I havent been able to get out of my pajamas yet! But plan to tomorrow.

The pain is unbearable and i really feel for you - but it will start to feel better and all of us on this forum will get through it.

My little stars are always going to be there - just need to look out the window to see them.

So much love to you - thinking of you lots

Sarah x x x

How are you going sweetheart? Thinking of you and all the lovely ladies that are having the shittiest of times right now.

Summer76, you say that you have two stars shinning up in the sky, what a comfort. On my way home from the hospital yesterday, after being told there was no heartbeat, i saw the most beautiful rainbow. That will be my comfort.

What i find so awful is that loosing your baby or babies is bad enough, but there is the constant reminder, the pain, not just in our hearts, but the cramps, and its there to see at every toilet visit. Sorry, i know that is horrible, but every thing about miscarriage is. It is so so cruel.

love to you all. xxx

How are you going sweetheart? Thinking of you and all the lovely ladies that are having the shittiest of times right now.

Summer76, you say that you have two stars shinning up in the sky, what a comfort. On my way home from the hospital yesterday, after being told there was no heartbeat, i saw the most beautiful rainbow. That will be my comfort.

What i find so awful is that loosing your baby or babies is bad enough, but there is the constant reminder, the pain, not just in our hearts, but the cramps, and its there to see at every toilet visit. Sorry, i know that is horrible, but every thing about miscarriage is. It is so so cruel.

love to you all. xxx

i thought nothing wrong too you just dont know sometimes. its cruel but support is what you need.ive had three children and was not expecting bad news. you will hopefully cope with a little tlc. lots o hugs xxxxxx

Thanks girls, i only come on here when i'm felling strong enough so i guess today isn't so bad. Vicki, i'm the same as you as chose not to have the medical intervention, the cramps are so very intense at times with the bleeding, its horrible but we'll get there somehow - i'm dosed up on max strength pain killers which help to some extent. Summer, we were the same, possibly a twin pregnancy too, these would have been our first babies, we too are totally devastated....i'm thinking of all of us too xxx