Hello ladies

I feel horrible coming on here but i don't know what else to do. I'm 9 weeks pregnant and normally write on the due in March forum. I saw this forum and hoped you'd be able to help me.

My best friend has been ttc for over 4 years. I told her i was pregnant as soon as i knew as i didn't want her to hear it from anyone elseand obviosly she's my best friend so who else would i tell. I felt awful and cried at her but she just pretended to be happy for me. Since then she hasn't spoken to me and has told another friend that she can't deal with me right now and she just wants us all to leave her alone.

What worries me is that she's shutting everyone out, she doesn't know about forums like this and has no one to talk to except her hubby. I'm so worried and so upset that my new situation has stopped her wanting to see me. I just want her to see me as me and not as pregnant. I know she desperatly needs a friend right now but i guess it can't be me.

Please help me to understand obviously i get why she's not want to talk to me but how can i get my best friend back. It kills me to know she's so unhappy and i can't do anything.

I thought i may write her a letter to get my feelings down as i think this would be something she could read in her own time and she wouldn't have to reply.


Any advice will be greatly appreciated thanks for reading

Gem Gem

Good luck to you all for the future xxx

hmmm....my best advice would be to do exactly what she has said to your friend and leave her alone. i know that probably seems harsh but u have to let her deal with this in her own way..

Its so hard when u've been trying for a while to have ppl around u fall pregnant whether its at the drop of the hat or a much deserved and struggled for pg....because all u want is for it to be your turn.

I've been and still am where ur friend is every1 and their husband is pg at the moment including my sister, my Sil, my dh's cousin, a close friend and probably some1 who has become my best friend....all of them deserve their beans some more than most but every1 makes my heart ache a little bit more that i can't join them......

She will come round i promise just be there for when she does and as awful as it sounds please try not to moan at her about the horrible bits of pg (she'd kill for them), or ask her if there's any news or anything along these lines....but most of all don't try and be a Non-pg friend or not discuss anything at the same time as feeling all of the above she will not want to be completely uninvolved....well eventually anyway!!

Good luck in your pregnancy. xxxx

Lilac thats excellant advice.

I've been avoiding talking to my own dad, as he and his wife have recently had their second little one and just can't bear it.

My SIL has just had her LO and me and the OH still have not gone to see him. Neither of us can face it. All she did since she got pg was complain! She doesn't seem to comphrend how blessed and lucky she is.

We don't want to tell any of them we are ttc, as I don't want their sympathy. But neither of us can cope with being around other peoples LOs right now.

Hi gem-gem

From my own point of view (and of course I can only speak for myself), I would do what you suggested and write a brief note saying that you miss her and hope that she feels like she can see you at some point in the near future. If she does decide to see you before you have your lo, I wouldn't bring up the pregnancy unless she does. I find it really hard to talk to anyone who is pregnant and sound enthusiastic - I didn't always feel this way but after 12 months of nothing its hard not to! I think the above would be what I would feel is appropriate, as being someone who is in your friend's shoes. Its a tricky one to call - do nothing and she thinks you don't care, go too overboard and it will upset her even more.

Hope this helps from a ttc-er!

Mel X

Hi Gem Gem,

Well I have seen many people get pregnant and some of them have had their babies - at times I love seeing them and having cuddles with them etc - then other times I can't hack it - I pulled a sicky to get out of my best friends daughters 1st birthday party! I couldn't deal with all the babies and the questions like "are you two going to have kids" etc etc blah blah!!!!

However I have a few of best friends - and the one who had a little girl - well before that she lost a baby a few years ago and didn't want to see a soul! I sent her a card - saying I'm here when you need me! And in return - when I got diagnosed with PCOS and didn't want to talk to anyone - she too sent me a card!

I wouldn't send a letter - send a card that says "thinking of you" or something similar or a blank car - and just wite something along the lines of - "I hope I haven't upset you, you're very important to me and when you're ready I'm here..."

Then it's up to her - you have given her the room she wants - but then you've also just given her a little nudge to let her know you're there.

Hope this helps and I haven't waffled on too much...lol!!!

xxxxxxxxxx

hi

great advice from the other girls.
i'd leave her alone but write her a letter telling her you'll give her, her space as you know how hard it must be for her but you are there for her as soon as shes ready.

Thank you so much for all your replies. You've all been so helpful.

I've decided i'll buy her a nice little card and just let her know that i'm here and that i love her loads.

I just wish she knew how to turn a computer on so she could join you ladies, you'd be so good for her coz i know she feels alone.

Thanks again and good luck to you all

gem gem

xxx