still weighing up the pros and cons of having a 4th!!

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arg

19/02/2009 at 17:07

Hi everyone
This is great for me - I recognise lots of you from my topic of pros and cons of 3 or more chidren and it is really nice to get together!!
I have been married for nearly 10 years and have Samuel 7, Joshua 6 and Abigail 2 next month.
I still have a daily dilemma of whether to go for a 4th or not so I need some more input - from those who have 3 and probably won't have anymore as well as those with 4 or more children (pros and cons please)
Deep down I still really want a 4th and due to my age (38) have set the end of the year as the time to make our final decision. I am just really worried that if we decide to stick with 3 I will regret it.
Any help in deciding would be really appreciated! xx

SugarnSpicebump Platinum member

19/02/2009 at 17:13

Hello hun I remember you!!!
I say go for it hun!!! Like you say, If you do have a 4th you will never regret it but if you dont try you might............ Whats your hubby think? x x x

pen

19/02/2009 at 17:17

hi arg. you still deliberating? i am at war with myself everyday aswell. i feel so settled with 5 but will always yearn for no6 and wonder what if? but i will wait and see.
the only bad things that i feel having a large family are my ironing pile (lol), and sometimes the lack of time together with hubby, sometimes not being able to spread myself around the kids, but i some how always do.
there are so many good things about having a large family , for me too many to mention. i love it. but sometimes when they all start squabbling it can be hard and this week all 5 of mine have been ill. that has been hard work, but i love being busy. there is always something to do.
when we were planning no 5 we had a list and made pros and cons, and the pros out weighed the cons for us as a couple and family. financial was one of the cons but you know, we always muddle through and have enough to go round. but the love and joy you get back from all the kids is soooo lovely.
i hope you make your decision and it wll be the right one for you and your family. be good to keep in touch over it. take care.xxx

alioli123

19/02/2009 at 17:27

Hi there!
Me n hubby have decided to stop at 3 for a few reasons, and I suppose some a selfish ones....the main one, we want to do things we've never done before and wouldn't do with young children. Like a long-haul holiday (ok, I want to relax on a golden beach while the kids are all old enough to swim safely lol) which I wouldn't do with young chn let alone babies!
And then there's the car situation, (we currently are selling our 7 seater to save money by having no finance), house situation (have a 5/6 bedder but are selling to downsize to 4 bed!) and work, ie money! I don't think we could afford another child as we don't get child tax credits now, so won't in the future either.
On the other hand, children are ace. They give you much more than money can ever give! I get quite sad thinking I'll never feel a baby kick for the first time again, or see them for the very first time...in fact although every new milestone for Gracie (14mth) is a joy, it's also quite upsetting thinking I'll never see another of my children do that again.
I think no matter what ppl say, you'll know deep down in your own mind what you want to do, and as the thought is already there....why not do it?! Good luck with whatever you decide!

Team_Blue_aka_doublebubble Platinum member

19/02/2009 at 18:14

Hi how are you?

I think that financially/practically/emotionally/sensibly/sizeably I would stop at 3 BUT there is a unquencheable yearing for no 4. for me that will def be it but i know that i would spend the rest of my life regretting not trying.

Good luck with whatever you decide

xxDBxx

SugarnSpicebump Platinum member

19/02/2009 at 18:26

Im the same DB. Financially my mind is telling me 3 is perfect. However Ive always seen my self with 4. The thing is Im worried that after 4 I will want 5? How do you KNOW when youve had or having your last??? x x x

Team_Blue_aka_doublebubble Platinum member

19/02/2009 at 18:41

The decision has (thankfully) been taken away from me. Docs recommend only having 3 sections so i will follow their advice and be sterilised when they open me up (sorry tmi) but i know what you mean about not deciding when to stop.

xxDBxx

SugarnSpicebump Platinum member

19/02/2009 at 18:47

I think after 4 I would be fine with not having ne more too. I think it helps not having the option to have more coz for me it would be far too tempting!!! I prefur even numbers, so if I had 5 knowing me Id want to round that up to 6 and Dave would never allow it!!! No I think 4 would do me fine, your right!! Do you have to be a certain age to be sterilised tho? x x x

mamamia4

19/02/2009 at 19:59

id say go for it if thats what you really want im expecting no4 any day and she wasnt planned but were all so excited and cant wait to meet her you sound like if you didnt go for no 4 youd regret it and always be thinking what if .

good luck with your decision xxxx

mamamia4

19/02/2009 at 19:59

chloe123

20/02/2009 at 04:28

hiya ladies, i am expecting nukber 4 in just 47 days!! she was very much [planned and we have never looked back we cant wait!!!! if i didnt suffer with hyperemeisis i would just carry on god knows how many i would have !!

michelle07 Platinum member

20/02/2009 at 05:03

I am expecting no 4 in April and felt i couldn't tell people when we were trying! did anyone else feel like this? then when we told people we were expecting we had all the comments like Is your telly broke? and will this be the last? as though we are too daft to know how to prevent having any more! or it must have been a accident. But i just ignore them as myself my DH and our close family are happy (except my 13 year old she thinks we have enough babies!). I'm 38 now so i think this will be the last but its hard to say that because the thought of not having another is upsetting. Michelle

Mommy to 5 wonderful waterbabies, 3 born at home, all breastfed and 2 worn
I believe everyone should be supported in whatever they choose to do!
http://safehands-doula.webs.com/

babs4

20/02/2009 at 05:49

Hello,
I am hoping to ttc in the summer for no'4........yay! Im so excited!.
I am 28 and luckily have never had c section so roll on no'4 he he!.
I def think we will stop at no'4 and hubby will probably go for the chop soon after(unless I do end up having a section and in that case I will be sterilised then.)
Fiancially Im not sure any one is ever ready(well unless your a millionaire lol), we have got to save for a bigger car, thats a must before no'4 comes along but it will happen so ive stopped worring and have started saving like mad.
I cant see me being content with just the three, I just dont feel complete yet!!!?? I do think though that no'4 will be the last though as hubby is 40 odd!! and is feeling his age when the kids run rings him lol lol!.
Oh well we shall see.
Id say go for no'4 if thats what you want, if your like me, I feel that if I dont I will regret it.

Team_Blue_aka_doublebubble Platinum member

20/02/2009 at 08:42

Michelle07 I get that all the time, I dont ask ppl why they are only having 1, so dont know why i shd have to justify myself.

Chloe, mammia n Michelle good luck with fortcoming births

xxDBxx

hayley_l

20/02/2009 at 09:45

Hi arg, I remeber you from that post and can only say do it!! Have another one, to be honest once youve got 3 one more makes no difference whatsoever. I love having a bigger family and would have another one tomorrow but as hubby has had some health issues we have decided to stop at 4. I miss having a little baby around and still get really broody when I see a newborn or hear that new baby cry.

lol michelle07 I know exactly what you mean about peoples comments, the thing is they think they are funny and they are the first person to come up with the comment. My most annoying comment that I used to get was "found out what causes it yet" I got so annoyed at the end of my 4th pregnancy that I just snapped back at someone, Yes I still ave sex with my husband are you jealous :lol: The other thing that gets me is the looks people give you when you are out with all of the children especially if one of them is playing up, the other day I was out and Isaac was creating in the buggy becuase he was tired and fed up and some old bag commented on how if I couldnt control them I shouldnt have had them all. That makes me so angry, he ws just being a normal child and all the others were behaving well. grrrr

babs4

20/02/2009 at 10:02

God people always comment to me about having three. Last week on the last day of term this old dear that was picking up her single granchild made a point of telling me that if you have more than two children they dont get the attention they need........I was like well thanks but I usually find small familes have spoilt children!(sorry to all you lovely small family people!!) I was so miffed by it cos her bloody grandchild is always being told off or sent out of assembly at school!!!

I always feel like shouting from the roof top "my kids are happy so deal with it"!!! gggrrrr So what if we want big families I bet most of us here have/ are so hard working providing for our families and dont sponge off gov like chavs!!!!

OOOPs sorry i will get down off my pedestall now he he!!

hayley_l

20/02/2009 at 12:59

:lol: at babs3 I am with you there xx

arg

20/02/2009 at 13:28

Thanks for all your comments, it's great to hear from you all again. Sometimes it feels like I think about it far too much!!
I agree with those of you who said that I will probably regret it if I don't have another. I will probably always be envious of pregnant women and babies but I know I would stop at 4 if I was fortunate to have another one - even if I did want another my age would put me off.
We always said we'd have 3 or 4 although hubby is happy with just having 3 at the moment (as we got our girl!) but said he could be persuaded (he's one of 4 and into big families).
We also had all the comments after our daughter was born that "now your family is complete" er, hang on, we will decide when our family is complete!!
Our 3 are spread evenly in the first 5 months of the year with 27th Jan, 26th March and 27th May so as I am obviously someone who likes to plan, I decided that waiting until towards the end of the year to decide would mean that if I got pregnant it would be due later next year (a bit silly I know as it relies on me conceiving straight away which I have done with each of my 5 pregnancies but will be a lot older this time and I mc x2 in between 2 and 3).
I do have a list of pros and cons but seem to want to ignore the cons!! I had an idea to have a tick list every day or week to say yes or no but I know it would be yes every time so maybe there is my answer!!
Can't wait to hear about your new babies michelle07, mamamia4 and chloe123.
Oh well, please keep the replies coming - still lots to think about! xx

3-little-princesses Platinum member

20/02/2009 at 14:48

I only had Madison, my 3rd, on tuesday but I can really relate to this thread coz I feel that I will be having this debate with myself in a couple of years time. I know that if I had 4 that would be me but to stick with 3 in the long term I think there will always be this niggling in the back of my mind that Ishould have 1 more. At the moment though I am happy to just enjoy my 3 girls but I am already finding myself thinking about the pros & cons of a 4th!!!

Hilary x

pen

20/02/2009 at 16:16

we always said we would have 4, my 4th was a girl after 3 boys and people autimatically assumed that our family was complete and were asked if that wa sit after having a girl. i thought that i would feel settled after 4 especially after having a girl, but i started to feel broody again anddidn't feel complete as a family, then we had no5 and i felt utter completeness. it was weird. and i still do feel complete and am only very slightly broody at times. some people call me greedy for having 5 kids , but i say why not have 5, we pay for all our own things and don't get any help that we aren't entitled to. we can offer a loving caring home. xx