Children at the birth - Labour and birth

Second_time_mummy Silver member

22/11/2010 at 17:33

Hi,

I'm after some constructive criticism/personal experiences on having children at the birth of a sibling.

My second child is due in May and I have been considering having my 3 year old at the birth should I be lucky enough to get another home birth.

My first labour was problem free and very relaxed at home and only lasted 5 hours with no drugs or screaming (like people think it would be). If it goes as smoothly this time I would love to have my daughter there with us but my family have expressed much concern with this and think I will "scare her to death". I have read up on it and seen bits on TV where children younger than 3 have attended births but not sure what other mothers-to-be think?

Does anyone have experience in this or think I am mad to even consider it?

Many thanks.

norfolkbabe76 Platinum member

22/11/2010 at 17:54

i have got no experience, but i would say no, it is not a good idea. say there was a problem, the last thing the midwife or yr partner needs to to have to think for a toddler aswell.

CancelledAccount Platinum member

23/11/2010 at 13:23

I have no personal experience, but have read a lot about this. I think that it depends on the child, how you prepare them and what your plans are. I think there are a few women who have had their partner there AND their Mum or someone to look after the toddler should anything go wrong or if they are frightened or even just in case they decide right in the middle that they desperately need to go and play with their toy dinosaurs!

I would definitely discuss it with anyone who will be present, (including your 3 year old)

Good luck

michelle07 Platinum member

23/11/2010 at 16:35

I had my kids with me while i was in labour they are 5, 4 &1 and while they were fine, not at all scared or bothered! they wanted to talk to me and ask me for drinks etc which distracted me from the job at hand and slowed down my labour! it didn't really re start til the older 2 went to school.

We prepared them by reading "our waterbaby" book to them so they knew what was happening.
and we did have my mom here to look after the kids or take them out if there was a problem.

I hope this helped
x

Mommy to 5 wonderful waterbabies, 3 born at home, all breastfed and 2 worn
I believe everyone should be supported in whatever they choose to do!
http://safehands-doula.webs.com/

youngmummy88 Platinum member

23/11/2010 at 17:14

I would have to agree with norfolkbabe.
If something was to go wrong, that picture would stay with your child for life. Or she could get really distressed because you were in pain, and she couldnt help you.
My daughter cried at me on crutches on monday, let alone that lol. I know all kids are different, but you wouldn't want to see your daughter getting upset, that would distract you and then you might not be able to concentrate for feeling like crap for making the wrong descision for you all as a family. I think 3 is a little young. Its around this age that they remember their "first" memory when they are adults, I know I wouldn't want my daughter visualing me in complete agony or midwfies running around me and baby.

But it is your choice, and I am sorry if my opinion is abit strong lol. xx

Picklesx

24/11/2010 at 09:26

Hi hun.
I think its a very personal choice and you know your child best and what she'll be able to cope with. Personally I wouldn't have my children there because I feel seeing me in pain would frighten them but I have very long difficult labours. Its your choice completley but just try to think how you'll feel if something were to go wrong and also if this labour isn't as smooth as your last one. But then I have read some very positive stories about children being at the birth of their siblings. How much is she talking? Could you have a relative on standby and if she gets too upset they could take her out for a bit?
xxx

Second_time_mummy Silver member

24/11/2010 at 15:52

Hi,

Just wanted to say thank you to you all for your replies. It has given me a lot of different angles to think about. My daughter is very mature for her age and understands an awful lot and to be fair it is probably something that I am wanting more than her as a comfort to me. I think I'm just going to see how things go when they start and have someone on standby should things get a little complicated. Fingers crossed I will be very lucky again but who knows.

Thank you to you all.

michelle07 Platinum member

25/11/2010 at 05:03

Of all the people i know who have had there kids there for the birth (and i know a few) none of the kids have been scared or upset but they have been bored! so having someone there to keep her entertained is a good idea.
good luck to you
xx

Mommy to 5 wonderful waterbabies, 3 born at home, all breastfed and 2 worn
I believe everyone should be supported in whatever they choose to do!
http://safehands-doula.webs.com/

nikkiandneil Platinum member

25/11/2010 at 14:43

Personally - I think it'll make it harder for you to concentrate on the job in hand, as it can be so hard to switch off from being in "mum mode" and it would be a shame if that stopped labour progressing properly and meant you had to go into hospital.

If you do decide to have your LO there, then def get someone extra in to look after them and make it very clear that it is their job to keep your first born happy (whether in the room or out of it) you could also ask them to whip her out of the way if anything goes wrong, or if she gets upset.

My plan is to get my mum to take Abby (DD1) to her house when I go into labour (I am also hoping for a HB) but if it all kicks off at night, then it seems silly to wake her up - so my mum is just going to keep hold of the baby monitor, and be on hand to go to Abby if she cries (and get her up in the morning). That's the plan anyway! xxx

MummyJC

27/11/2010 at 19:10

I think maybe have her in another room or up stairs with someone to watch her and keep her distracted. As an alternative if you do want her there.

I personally couldn't have my sob there as I would be worrying too much. He is almost 6 but he's very protective of me and it would devastate him.
I know all children are different but it's def a personal decision only you and your oh can make.

Mummy to my handsome prince and beautiful princess!
Life is now complete
Xx

Nikki_Wood Gold member

02/12/2010 at 15:10

I know someone who's child was around for the birth of their second as they had a home birth i think the key is having a dedicated person who can look after your three year old as they will obviously need feeding or putting to bed depending on the time of day. I know for my friend she has very fond memories of her oldest being able to meet her second child just minutes after he'd been born.

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