Hi,

I'm new to this part of the forum, originally from dim.

Well, don't know how i'm feeling about anything....our little boy Thomas was born on 2/3/10 (2 weeks ago) but sadly died the day after on the 3rd so he lived about 24 hours, he was at home with us.

We buried him on Friday just gone.....

We are so empty, we have no answers as yet and might not get any. Thomas had a pm which showed nothing, now waiting on samples of tissue that were taken from our precious baby boy, this can take approx 12 weeks for anything to show if it does....

My hubby is my rock, obviously family and friends have been great too but i really only want to open up to hubby. I try to be there for him too but he is so much stronger than me, i'm so proud of him and love him so much.

This is such a pointless post but just wanted to write something as i don't understand why this has happened to us....and why bad things happen to good people.

I had such a good pregnancy, only preg itching which was checked and spd towards the end so nothing outstanding...Thomas was absolutely fine for all that time inside, such an active and strong little boy so it just doesn't make sense, he weighed 7lbs 15ozs so a lovely size.

I had a long labour (approx 36 hrs from start to finish) but again little Tom was fine, a bit spitty as he swallowed some gunk but then he fed from me, was dressed up and then slept with no probs. Fed from me again in hospital, had nappy changes etc...no probs.....wtf......why?

I had a mmc before our Tom so i feel cursed and robbed of what should have been....This is our 2nd pregnancy that hasn't worked out but this time its so different as Tom was really here, although for such a short time...don't know how we're gonna cope.....

Thanks for reading xxx

I am so so sorry.

If you need to talk more privatly let me know and I will enable my email button.

I feel so much for you as you are in the early days where breathing itself is a task in itself. I understand what you said about not wanting to open up to anyone, just do what you feel is right when ever you feel it is right.

You might already know my story but briefly our little boy Teddy was born early and spent 46 days in SCBU. He came home for 12days and on 5/12/9 the morning after his due date we found him not breathing at home. We also had to have a PM and initally it came back with no results but the samples showed bronchial pneumonia as cause of death.

Be kind to yourself and love to you and your husband

I am here

x

[Modified by: Team Blue aka doublebubble on March 16, 2010 06:04 PM]

Thanks for replying as this must have brought back memories of your little boy Teddy, its still not that long ago for you either, so thanks again.

Our situation is the same as in we found our little Thomas not breathing....i knew at the time i found him that he was gone, my hubby tried to resusitate him, he knew too but we had to try....

It is hard to get from one day to the next, not sure how we've done it....our lives have been turned upside down...i'm on mat leave, my hubbys on pat leave with no baby Thomas to care for....his nursery is all done, he didn't even get to see it as he was in his crib with us in our bedroom....

Its all so sad....just don't know what to do..

Thanks, thinking of you too xxx

Im never sure if i should share my story when replying, i always worry it seems selfabsorbed but in the early days i found comfort from knowing i wasnt alone (you wouldnt wish this on anyone but at the same time i needed to know it wasnt just us going through it.)

have you looked at the FSID website and sands? (i didnt find sands helpful but FSIDs was more so, also netmums bereaveament forums are sadly more active, i have found some comfort from them but i was further down the line when i started posting on them. The compassionate friends also do publications, (and a telephone helpline,) some of which i found helpful, some i still cant read.

In the early days you cope by the hour but it does get a little less intense, tho im still only one day at a time.

I have a vauge recollection that you live in dorset? maybe im confused, it happens a lot now.

regards the nursery, im so sorry he didnt see it. Ive just shut the door on teds room, havent the strength to deal with it.

Hi girls. I hope you don't mind but i'm gatecrashing from born in june'09 and i saw this on the front page. I just wanted to say how terribly sorry i am for your loss's. I've kept reading your updates sohappy and yours too doublebubble but i never know what to say or how to say it. I'm just so terribly sorry for you and i just wanted you to know that i think of you and your angels often. You are amazing women and i hope life begins to treat you better and all your dreams come true. I lost a baby many years ago but i was only a few months gone. I felt empty and alone for a very long time even though i never held my child but i now have a 9 month old girl who i am thankful for everyday. Take care. Lots of love. X

Hi,
I'm so sorry for your loss, it's awful when this happens at any point in your pregnancy, but i can't imagine how it would feel to go full term and lose what you think is a healthy little boy. I lost my son last September, I was 27 weeks pregnant. It's an awful thing to have to go through and my heart really does ache when i read more stories about babies passing on. It's not fair that Thomas was taken away from you and your hubby and i doubt you'll ever get the answers you need, even when there's a reason in black and white it still doesn't make sense. I have lost 2 babies too and i'm currently 11 weeks with twins. I can't let go of the hope that I will be a Mum again. I am lucky enough to have a 10yr old son who I adore.
You sound like you have a wonderful husband, my oh was my rock too. He cried when Ewan was born and was a wreck, suprisingly it was me that was calm at that point, but everyday since he has been my support and I love him with all my heart. It's going to take time to move on and i hope you find some closure soon. Sending a big hug and lots of love xx

Hi, I am so sorry to hear about your little boy. My heart really goes out to you and your family. I lost my little girl last february at 38 weeks after suffering a placental abruption, she lived for just 19 hours. Although i can really relate to how you must be feeling, to have gone through pregnancy and labour without problem and to have brought your baby home, for him then to be taken away just seems so unbelievably cruel and hard to understand. Like you i suffered a miscarraige with a baby before Darcey. It is such a cruel, heart breaking thing, to have gone through so many 'milestones' and had so much hope for it all to be taken away.

All i will say is, you will cope. Something inside you will keep you going. It is still very early days for you so just take time, a day at a time. The pain you feel will never go away, i guess you just get used to living with it and a just to a new life. When you feel ready, focus on the future. I am now 14 weeks pregnant again, and although i think about my baby girl everyday, this baby is helping me to stay positive about life.

Again i am so sorry and i will be thinking of you and your family. Anytime you need to talk, we are all here for you. xxx

Hi,

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply. I'm crying again at just reading your posts, its so unfair that we/you have had to go through this but as horrible as it is, it does help to know that others really understand although each situation is different.

To loose any baby is the worst thing but when you have sort of moved on and have all the hope in the world that everything will be fine next time, to have it just taken away is unbelievable and heartbreaking. We miss our Thomas so so much and i still cry everyday. I really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my hubby.

Our hearts are totally broken and feel like thats how they'll stay....We want to try for another baby but we're so scared. We were this time around but now, god knows how we'll get through it, even if i'll be luckily enough to get preg again. My bleeding is slowing now and i have to go for my 6 wk check in about a month so will discuss things then.

We're away for a night to treat ourselves and to get out of the house so we're looking after us.

Congrats to all of you that are preg again and i so so wish you all of the luck in the world, it does give me some hope and i really hope i get preg again.

I'll be checking back on here and posting if thats ok so thanks for all your kind wishes and thoughts, it means a lot xxx

ps team blue, no its not me thats from dorset, my mind has been doing strange things too

Sending love and thoughts to all of you xjx

Hi Sohappy,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sadly we understand your pain as we have felt it too. Thinking of you, Julie xxxx

Thank you ladies and i'm sorry that you too have had to experience the devestation that we are feeling, thanks for posting xxx

Oh hunni i'm so sorry for yr loss bless yr heart there is nothing i can say to take the pian away , i lost my baby charlie 23 aug last year he was full term and died during labour half an hour before he was born , so i totally understand how u feel i then found out 7 weeks later that i was pregnant again which was very quick , so i'm now 25 wks and so scared , all i can say is this site is greta and were all here to help each other with our grief take time be togetheter with yr husband together yr get thrtew it i promise its very hard but u will take care always here if u want to talk love victoria xx

hiya,
just wanted to say how sorry i am , i lost my daughter at 24 weeks last year, there is no words to describe the pain and loss and emptiness..... but it does get easier... its very early days for u rite now and my heart goes out to u
take care of eachother xxxx
Lisaxx

hiya,
just wanted to say how sorry i am , i lost my daughter at 24 weeks last year, there is no words to describe the pain and loss and emptiness..... but it does get easier... its very early days for u rite now and my heart goes out to u
take care of eachother xxxx
Lisaxx

Thanks Lisa and Victoria,

Take care everyone and good luck with your pregnancies if your preg xxx

G/C

Sweetheart, Nobody should have to go through what you & the other ladies have here,I know there is nothing at all I can say to help or comfort you but I just wanted you to know that you, your dh & little Thomas have been in my thoughts & prayers everyday.
Your beautiful little boy knows just how much you both love him & so you carry him everywere you both go, in your hearts.

All my love to you & DH xxxx

Thanks Laura, that really means a lot. You have been to hell and back too, its so difficult to carry on sometimes but you and a lot of the ladies here are an inspiration and remind me that there is hope when i'm feeling so down.

We just miss our Thomas so much and can't believe that he was taken from us....we hadn't even started yet.

I hope that you, baby and dh are well, you are in my thoughts too xxx

Sweetheart I cant begin to imagine how you feel, I dont think anyone could unless thay have sadly been through this loss.

Like one of the other ladies says you will find strength inside that you didnt know you had, just dont rush it my lovely. Im so pleased you have such a wonderful supportive husband & family.

We are fine, thank you for asking.

If you ever need anything at all you know were I am sweetie xxx

Thank you honey. I definately wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my hubby....i'm so so lucky to have him. I try to be strong for him....he tried to resusitate our little boy and also had his little casket on his knee for the duration of the car journey all the way to the church. My hubby also carried Thomas into and out of the church on the day of the funeral, how is this right??? Your lo should not outlive you........my poor poor hubby.... We do talk about everything so i guess we'll keep getting from one day to the next somehow.

xxx

My heart aches for you both.

You are blessed to have eachother. It's good that you can both talk to eachother about everything, that will help you both more than you think.

Im glad that your husband found the strength to do that for Thomas and for you & for himself to keep Thomas so close to you both during his funeral.

I have no idea why life throws such devasting circumstances at such wonderful people, you didnt deserve to have your hearts broken like this, no one does.
xxx