Oh girls im really struggling. made dh sandwiches this morning for his lunch and its the first time that he has gone back to work and it upset me so much, its something i did everyday and now it just seems as if life is carrying on and that Ted is already part of our past and he isnt even buried yet. I dont know if that makes any sense im just so scared he is going to be forgotten. Someone said to me yesterday well at least he was only a baby when he died, how could they say that, is that what people think?

Ive found today at least as hard as the day he went, how can that be? I just dont know how im gonna get through the funeral? Im sorry this is such a self absorbed post, I just dont know what to do, im trying so hard to gain strength from the dignity you all have shown.

Ted mummy misses you so much I love you

Hi,
You have every right to be self absorbed!! You've lost your son, of course you don't think life should be carrying on as normal. That was insensitive of the person that said at least Teddy was only a baby, people don't always see that thats what makes it more difficult to understand, he should have been starting his life and growing bigger, we shouldn't have to bury our children, they should be burying us.

You will have days where everything seems so much worse, yesterday I was wreck, today I haven't shed a tear, but i'm sure i will later. Where the funeral is concerned you will get through it, you've come this far and you must be such a strong woman to have got this far. I was emotional at Ewan's funeral once i saw the coffin, and then i couldn't stop crying, but thats your right to do that, you're not to worry about everyone else around you. It was just my partner and I at Ewans funeral, although all our family wanted to come I knew I would want go into look after the visitors mode, so i decided it was better that it was just us. We needed to deal with our grief together.

Believe me, i'm sure you are just as dignified as any of us are or were, this is all still very fresh for you and you're entitled to feel the way you do. I know it doesn't feel like it yet, but it will get easier, although Teddy wil never be far from your thoughts, he will always know that he was loved.
I hope you feel a bit better soon, sending you a massive ((((((hug)))))) and lots of love.
Jackie xx

Oh hun, you are not being self absorbed, you are grieving, of course you are going to find it hard sweetie, I lost my little girl at 16 weeks so nowhere near as tough as what you are going through and I found it hard for ages, I could barely function and get through a day without crying and getting upset over something. It is totally understandable that it is upsetting you doing everyday things, it is just a reminder that no matter how much you feel like your life is falling apart, everything else carries on. Take time to grieve and dont feel bad about being upset or 'self absorbed'. Sorry I cant really think of anything helpful to say but my thoughts and prayers are very much with you and your family,

I went to a service at out hospital the year I lost my baby it was for people who had lost babies later in preganancy/during or very shortly after birth, some one read this poem out and I thought it might help you a bit, sending you huge hugs xxxxxxxxx

Are you feeling better now?
People often say
What a silly question
How could I feel that way
Is death simply an illness
From which our hearts will heal
Can your death become a dream
Instead of somenthing real

"at least you didnt have him long"
"No time to grow too fond"
Have they forgotton 9 long months
Enough time to form a bond
I felt your evey movement
I knew your nature too
Now all we have are memories
And they are all too few

You were part of our family
From the time we knew you were there
We picked your name, prepared your room
It's just too much to bear
Our time with you was stolen
Our dreams for you are gone
Now we must live without you
Although it seems so wrong

I sometimes feel you waking
Your hand held tight in mine
I see the way that you'd have looked
If you'd beed given time
But time was not an option
It ran so quickly out
We had to let you go my love
Our minds so full of doubt

We know we did the right thing
You'd had your time on earth
We had to say goodbye to you
So soon after your birth
Maybe our paths will cross again
I hope that is true
So till that time comes round again
We'll never forget you.

Loads of love and hugs to you all and sweet dreams Ted xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi there,
I just wanted to say it will get easier. Every day you grown stronger & I promise you will look back in a few weeks & realise how much progress you have made in a short time. It doesn't stop hurting, you just learn to deal with it. People mean well but I think when its a child they really don't know what to say. People say stupid, thoughtless, cruel things but you will find your way of dealing with them in time once you are a bit stronger. We all understand the pain you feel as we feel it too. If you need to let it out we are all here for you. Julie xxxx

oh hun i'm so sorry for u u will get therw the funeral somthing takes over and know that u have to do it and u will for ted , will be the hardest day of yr life , as it was for me my charlies funeral was for me as hard as losing him , just take a hour at a time then yr take a day at a time and u will learn to live with it never stop hurting the same just u live with what it brings and the changed person it leaves behind in time yr learn to love the new u , all i can say is i'm 16 weeks and 2 days into losing my darling charlie and i dont feel any less heart broken than i did then some days i cry all day some days i dont cry at all i'm always here u want to chat love victoria xx

I am so sorry, people can say such horrible things, some people really believe them and some just don't know what to say and come out with rubbish. A child is a child and we love them regardless of time. in the same breath as saying to someone 'at least you had x years' another will say ' imagine how much harder it wouldve been if they were x years' nobody really understands your grief and unfortunately it's just one of those things you have to accept.
It is hard and the funeral is a waiting nightmare, it will be hard and bring every emotion back to the surface but it also means you have put your little boy to rest and with that comes 'some' peace. Noone expects you to get over it, you never will....... But in time you will find you can hold him in your heart and still carry on for everyone else. It is so hard to continue with normality, especially in the first few weeks but we are all much stronger than we would ever think was possible. Take care and talk on here as much as you need to x
hayley that is a beautiful poem

G/c (well sort of) DB, that person probably has never lost anyone close to them to say something like that.

I have had 2 mc's and know how hard that was for me and I will never forget my angels who were not meant to be. All you have been through with Teddys premature birth and bringing him home healthy - only to lose hime so suddenly - I can not begin to imagine how you are feeling. This person was callous in what they say.

I am still thinking of you every day - it must be terrible for you and your dh for him to have to go back to work and your little son not laid to rest.

You are definately not self absorbed - you are grieving and we are all hear to listen to whatever you want to say.

That is a lovely poem hayley xxx

G/c (well sort of) DB, that person probably has never lost anyone close to them to say something like that.

I have had 2 mc's and know how hard that was for me and I will never forget my angels who were not meant to be. All you have been through with Teddys premature birth and bringing him home healthy - only to lose hime so suddenly - I can not begin to imagine how you are feeling. This person was callous in what they say.

I am still thinking of you every day - it must be terrible for you and your dh for him to have to go back to work and your little son not laid to rest.

You are definately not self absorbed - you are grieving and we are all hear to listen to whatever you want to say.

That is a lovely poem hayley xxx

db - I seriously can never begin to imagine how you are feeling right now.

You are not self absorbed you are a mommy that has lost the one thing we all assume we never will- her baby.

I honestly think these comments are not meant to be hurtful its just no one knows what to say.

When I lost dottie my nan had her purse stole with her holiday money in it the same day. I was crying and nan said to me " think of me gem , I have to find another 700 pound" it was the most hurtful thing ever said to me and I havent spoke to her since that day. But she does laways say she just didnt know what to say to make it better When the truth is NOONE can make it better they cant bring your baby back

A poem I love is called a child lent x

you have every right to scream,shout,cry..... like the other ladies have said you have lost your baby and you need to grieve,so if writing post like this helps then you need to do it a million and one times,everyone is behinde you db and i hope it helps and gives you some strengh to carry on,they is no way on earth your gonna forget teddy or us,even though he was here only for a very short time,he touched all of our lives,life does go on as hard at that seems right now,hes was gorgous db.
thinking of you

sarah
xx

[Modified by: fall3n-ang3l on December 18, 2009 08:10 AM]

Hi Db,
GC sorry.
You are far from self obsorbed,you have lost your child-i cannot begin to imagine how devistating that is,
I think about you and teddy all the time,especially when i am on the ward.
I really do not know what to say but wanted to send you all my love and let you know Teddy will not be forgotten,xxxx

Hi DB,
i hope you dont mind me posting, but youve been on my mind alot.
when our babies were in NICU, we longed so much to take them home with us. It seemed like the end of a very long journey. Once they were home, then they would be safe. So it doesnt make sense that Teddy was only home for such a short time. It seems so cruel, when he had fought so hard in NICU. I had followed his story with interest and could empathise as i was going through the same experience. i could understand the emotional roller coaster that you were on.
Isobelle came home just before xmas and has heart problems. I' m not sure if i could ever cope with losing her.
My heart truly goes out to you and your family. I hope you are getting the right support and you can find the strength to come to terms with losing Teddy. I know he will always be in your heart.

take care
maria x

Hiya hun, grief isn't something that has a quick fix. I can't believe that someone was so insensitive to say such a thing to you. Time is the only thing that will assist you in being able to come to terms with your loss. Although Teddy is no longer with you physically you will always be his mummy.

Thinking of you xjx

Oh doublebubble how are things going? I used to hate some of the things people said to me when we lost Gabriel like "you are young you can always have another one". I was like wtf! None of my children have ever replaced Gabriel they sure have been good therapy for a hole in my heart that will always be there for him but every Christmas I am always aware there should be one more child opening pressies or when my son mentions how much he wants a brother and I think of how he will never have the big brother he was supposed to have, You will always carry Teddy with you and even now 9 years later when my hectic life slows down and my brain gets time to rest it always wanders back to my cherub and how much I miss him. I just will never fill the place he left and for people to suggest otherwise if awful. I don't know what people mean by well atleast he was a baby the fact he was a baby makes it so much more tragic as he should never have died, dieing is for the very very old not for someone so young. You have been robbed of a future with your baby and I am so sorry as I said because Amy was born so close to you loosing Teddy it really has hit me quite alot emotionally. I felt so bad for you not having Teddy when here I was holding my baby and every time it gets hard with her I think of you not having Teddy and it makes me stop complaining because I know you would give anything for colic and breastfeeding troubles and whatever else. Life will never just go on with out him as long as you hold him in your heart DB. All my love.

Just to say thank you for your replies. I hope to be on tomorrow to answer properly