This saturday me and OH are going to London for his work Xmas do. We will have to leave around 3 pm and won't be back till the following morning. I really really don't feel ready at all for leaving my DD overnight, but I feel like I have to go to London. She is almost 10 months and I had never planned on leaving her till she was at least a year old and I had stopped bf. I hate the fact that I won't be putting her to bed that night as I have done every single night since she was born. I also hate that I am going to be away from her for half the weekend. I am just going to miss her terribly!

Those of you who have had your LO stay over at their Nans or wherever, do you have any tips on how I can make this easier for myself?! This has been on my mind for weeks now and I want Saturday to be over with! And how can I make sure DD is happy? She will be with her Nan, which is fine, she adores her and is there twice a week while I am at work. I know that I need to tell Nan about DDs routine etc, but its the whole 'wheres mummy?' issue I am worried about, particularly if she were to wake in the night and she only wants me...

Secretly I am hoping to be really I'll on Saturday or we get snowed in!!!!

Xx

Honestly I don't want to be mean but I doubt your DD will even notice you're not around. If she's that familiar with her Nan then I'm sure everything will go well and they'll both have a great time.

My DS slept out for the first time at 10 months, never once cried for his mummy but I did get a lovely smile when I picked up the next morning and am sure you will to! I made sure that my parents knew our routine and I packed everything that he would have had at home, right down to the monitor and light show.

Ask her to drop you a couple of texts at keys points throughout the night/morning. I got an update after tea, after he'd gone to bed, as soon as he woke up and another an hour after breakfast. As I knew these were coming, I never stressed about not hearing anything and it helped keep the urge to ring up in check!

Expect something to not go quite as it should, my DS didn't eat his breakfast but I think that's probably because they were playing (which he doesn't get to do before breakfast at home).

I didn't feel ready, more felt like it was something I needed to do and overall, I was pleased with how it went. I didn't sleep well and missed him like crazy but I think that goes without saying. Sorry I've gone on a bit but do hope this helps xx

my DS has stayed overnight with my dad and step-mum many times since he was about 4 months(he's 11 months now) old.
I always write down a rough day routine and just let them get on with it. I trust that they can deal with anything as they have both had children.
My ds always has a good time and once he's away in the car he is singing with the radio apparently.
I feel like im missing something when he is away even now but it's a nice little break for a night or two for me.

It's only from 3pm to morning i gather which isnt long to be honest! Plus youll be busy with the xmas do.
At the end of the day it's up to you but im sure she'd be fine and you are at the end of a phone if anything happened. You'll have to do it sooner or later!

xx

Pack a Grobag or blanket that has been used at home for a night or two, not a spanking clean one. It will smell familiar and comfort her if she wakes in the night.

I wouldnt want to leave my DD over night either! Shes 13m now! I put her to bed every night. The other night I got really delayed on the way home from work and Hubs had to put her down. I got in and she was just crying and crying. I dont mean to make you feel bad, but I do think that they miss us and the routine, and if you dont feel its the right thing to do dont do it, I wouldnt stay over night now come hell or high water.

If you do devcide to go, she will cope. It may or may not be easy for her, you knwo her best and how she reacts to change. One thing i do when DD goes to the childminders is to pack a familiar toy and a little photo album with pics of us with her in it. That way whoever is looking after her can talk about you with her and although she might be sad, she will start to understand. Just keep explaining and get nana to expalin where you are and when youll be back.

Good luck, I hope you have a lovely time.

Em x

I left DS1 for the first time when he was just over 4 months... he is 21 months now.
DS2 is 12 weeks so not left him yet and don't feel ready.
I very much doubt your DD will notice your absence. As long as her and Nan are familiar with each other and they can have lots of snuggles and fun, she will probably feel like it is an adventure.
Pack her favourite teddy/blankets.
Some of her favourite toys.
Ems idea of a piture of your and your OH is a nice idea too.

As for you, well, try to remember your mother has raised children (done a good job I expect, as your trusting your daughter in her care).
Your Mum will have a lovely time with her grand-daughter, and I'm sure she will spoil her rotten!! heehee!
You may not enjoy your first night away as much, but it is only one night.
Your DD loves you dearly, won't be devastated and the smile on her face when she sees you again will fill your heart right up.

I hope you have a lovely time xx

I hope this doesnt cause offence, its not meant to, but to think a baby wont notice that his or her mum is not around for 10 minutes let alone a whole day or night is not right. Babies and their mums are very attuned (in ordinary relationships) and just like you notice your baby isnt around, so he or she will notice you are not around. This is NOT to say that he or she wont be ok, I think if you have thought about it enough and trust the perosn you leave them with they will be fine, but they WILL notice you are gone. This is based on 4 yrs study of infant/parent relationships and many years working in child and adolescent mental health, not pulled out of a hat!!

I really hope you find an arrangement you are all comfortable with xx

before 5 - 6 months babies don't have object permenance, and once you are gone they don't think about you but certainly past this age they do notice when you are not there anymore. By 10 months she probably will notice you are gone yes, but as granny is familiar to her she will probably still feel safe!
hope you had a good evening honey and are giving your baby big cuddles now xx

That is true about object permanence. If you 'dissapear' a toy, they wont look for it, as they will think it no longer exists. They may even think you no longer exist, but that doesnt mean they wont miss you, or feel some loss, quite the opposite, they may be more upset at feeling you are permanently gone than when they are able to know that you will return.

This really isnt at all encouraging is it?! I think the point is that most babies will cope without you for a period of time. But it is very much up to you to judge how long you can cope without them and they without you. I would say if you feel comfortable and confident with your plans, you will pass that feeling onto your little one, and they will be happier knwoing you are happy.

[Modified by: Ems101 on December 05, 2010 09:25 PM]

"before 5 - 6 months babies don't have object permenance, and once you are gone they don't think about you but certainly past this age they do notice when you are not there anymore. By 10 months she probably will notice you are gone yes, but as granny is familiar to her she will probably still feel safe!"

Uh totally wrong. Object permenance relates to the fact that babies don't know you will come back, this makes the mother leaving even more difficult for baby to bear. Read studies of babies left in hospitals by their mothers who didn't visit and the babies went through grieving the same as if the mother was dead. It is handy for mothers to fool themselves that their babies don't need them so they feel comfortable leaving them too early and for too long but this is not the case. By the way, think OP is not one of those mothers and it sounds like a reasonable arrangement. Baby will miss you and may not feel safe as safe is with mum to a baby, and you will miss baby, that is what a healthy attachment is all about.

To answer the op..please don't talk yourself out of a night out. You have, like you said, put dd to bed every night of her life since she was born..so you deffo deserve a little break and me time. I was supposed to get out last night and didn't because my mum got snowed in and I qa devastated as I don't get out much. If you have the opportunity do it!

I suppose though it depends on your child and the person looking after them. For example me and my mum sound exactly the same (my own dad can't tell us apart when were on the phone) so she can seem to soothe ds slightly better...obviously my ds is aware its not me but I know he is alot calmer with her than my mil and he sees them both an equal amount of time.

Now, a few weeks ago, my inlaws came up for a night and persuaded me to go for one drink at the pub around the corner and let my sil who's 16 listen to the monitor (I had put ds to bed myself) and I refused at first because I told them she wouldn't be able to settle him at all. Anyway, long story short I went after giving her strict instructions to call me of she could get him back to sleep..and when I came home an hour later I could hear him crying when I got in..she didn't get a chance to get her mobile. It was only five mins though and I was only around the corner so a bitd different I suppose.

Anyway..it's true that babies have no conception of time when they're little...you leave for a minute or an hour and they still think its a lifetime and that you're not coming back. They ARE primatively connected to your scent and will notice you are no longer there..and they can also recognise your heartbeat so notice this if being soothed by someone else even if they smell of you.

What I will also say though is that at 10m your dd is very perseptive and will start to learn cause and effect..my ds went through bad separation anxiety so I read an article which advised to play peekaboo on a daily baisis using muslins and get baby to do it to themselves and pull it off your face ect. And also to be clear when you're leaving that you're leaving by making a big deal of saying bye and teaching them to wave back. After I did this leaving him with the Childminder was a lot easier.

Just relax and I'm sure she will have a ball with nan..shell probably tire her right out and shell collapse in a little cute heap. Plus, she already has built up a relationship with your mum during the day so it won't pit her nose completely out of joint iykwim.

I hope that helps and I really, sincerely, hope you go and have a smashing time x

actually not totally wrong at all... object permenance relates to the baby realising an object continues to exist when they cannot see it. it is generally considered to be secure from 5 - 6 months but has been seen from babies of 3.5 months and girls have shown development of this earlier than boys.

as i said though as Hopefulmummy's girly is 10 months they will have strongly developed object permenance.

MrsB27, you are right that a v young baby wont know that you still exist when you leave. I think what dollywottsit was dissagreeing with was the bit about them not thinking about you. I dont think thats what you actually meant, it was just a bit of confusion. You seem to know what you are talking about!

xx