marraige or baby first?

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jellyfishpink Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 16:55

Lara - nothing has changed for us being married either! It's just the same as before..although at first I had a bit of trouble remebering my new name! xx

[Modified by: jellyfishpink on April 18, 2009 10:06 PM]

PinkToothbrush Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 16:59

No I wasn't saying that at all Katie - that's why I said "you don't have to be married to have that level of commitment" . All I meant was, to me marriage is a special way of making your commitment (like the commitment you have to Lee) public :\)

Def wasn't saying if you're not married you must be unsure of your relationship - like you say, marriage is just a piece of paper unless you're 100% committed to being committed,

Sorry if I didn't explain myself clearly - I can't have, as you took it to mean exactly what I was trying to NOT say! :lol:

gsmummy55

18/04/2009 at 17:05

I have never wanted to get married, I've always been too scared of getting a divorce as no marriages in my family work out. I love seeing wedding pics though

As for the same name thing, I love my name, it's swiss and annoying as it can be when people mispronounce it, it's part of me. I am still Gabe's mummy, it doesnt matter that we don't have the same name imo.

I see what you mean PTB but sadly in this day and age marriage is not the huge commitment it used to be

xx

gsmummy55

18/04/2009 at 17:08

sorry if that came out wrong too!! I'm a total cynic as my parents are divorced and though I love OH at the moment, the idea of being with him in 40 years is....scary!!!! not bad, just scary lol

PinkToothbrush Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 17:17

But Tiger Lily, that's exactly what I mean! It's NOT a commitment in itself - it's just a piece of paper. But it can be an important SIGN of your commitment if you want it to be. If it's not an important sign of commitment to both parties then I agree - marriage is meaningless and pointless.

So for me marriage was an important sign of my commitment to OH, but actually I was just as committed to him before we married as I am now we are married. I married him to put my money where my mouth was about that commitment.

Am I making any sense? :lol:

PinkToothbrush Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 17:19

Got over-excited and posted twice, sorry.

[Modified by: PinkToothbrush on April 18, 2009 10:21 PM]

18/04/2009 at 17:24

LOL i have re read and understood, its late and my brain does not function after 9pm :lol: xx

PinkToothbrush Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 17:28

I feel your pain - my brain doesn't function after baby! :lol:

colligreen Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 17:50

I'm glad I'm not the only who forgets what their name is....I was so tempted to keep my name but both our families were really against us having different surnames so in the end I gave in and took his surname (grudgingly).

I wasn't bothered about marriage first but my hubby was and said we had to do it 'properly' lol so we got married! Got married April 07 then Teagan was born August 08. The one thing that annoyed me, was as soon as we got married all people ever asked us was "when are you having babies then?" So rude!!!!

18/04/2009 at 18:20

Well we already have Lily who is 9mths but we are getting married in 28 days!!woo We had a bit of negativity from our families who said at the time they thought we should be married before having our baby and even tried to organise a wedding before she was born but we said no! It was our choice and I am glad we did is this way and we have a beautiful flowergirl for our wedding and are combining the day with her naming ceremony too!!xxxxx

MrsGarfieldAckles Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 19:01

The only reason why we haven't married sooner is Kelsie was too small and I wanted her to be my bridesmaid....so were gonna wait for a bit then Jack came along!! So now waiting until they're both old enough...hopefully next summer

I can see what you mean PTB. I hate not having the same last name as my OH. I'm the odd one out :lol: I wont be any more commited to Dave than I am now, but I completly understand when you say it makes a statement.

xx

mummyphoebe Platinum member

18/04/2009 at 19:13

My lo was a surprise and had only been with oh for a couple of months so we hadnt even talked or thought about marraige, when after lo was born and had been named i told oh that i was pretty down about having a different surname to my son and him and that was when we talked about getting married one day i am only 20 so dont want nor need to rush into things i am now 28+1 with number 2 so we have definatley not done it the proper way lol but now im not really sure if we're staying together (very complicated)
xx

downesy

19/04/2009 at 06:21

We got married on 30 June 07 and found out we were expecting the following day, James was born 26 Feb 08 and due no. 2 in Oct 09. For us it was just the way things turned out. xx

Deli3

19/04/2009 at 06:33

I dont have a brain left....lol!!!!!!

We met in 1987 when i was a mere 17 and he was 20. On my 21st birthday i had a cream suit on and thought.....oohh I hope i dont come on today.... then I thought...ooohh I am a week late...then i thought...oooohh shit!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS pregnant! Told OH few days later. We were shaken up a lot but then I bled heavily and was took to hosp by ambulance... baby was fine and i was 9 weeks. Oh came to hosp with huge bouquet and got down on one knee and I said.....NO!!!! nurses, patients, visitors all looking and I said NO! I told him to ask me again when he was ready and not because I was having his baby. Had Lauren in 1991 and that summer he proposed and I knew he meant it. We married in St Lucia in Sept 92. Still together now with 5 kids and still in love (most of the time) . I am all for marriage, My parents were in love when dad died aged 39, OH parents are 70 and still together. Just the way I was brought up. I am not against people having kids unmarried ( i did it myself) but I would have rather been married. Lauren was given OH name on birth cert so for 18 months I had a different surname to my own baby...it caused all sorts of confusion.

As I say in most posts like this though.....it doesnt matter who you are, what you do, what you have or if you are married, single, etc... so long as you love your baby and make them feel loved then that is all that counts.

d xx

xxAmyAmbyxx Platinum member

19/04/2009 at 08:45

We met in 02, married in 04 and had Amber in 08!!

I am quite old fashioned and wanted to be married before we had kids, but I dont think others should feel the same way as me, thats just my opinion! I loved doing it this way as we had plenty of time to get to know each other and have a fab time just being us, I do think its good to just enjoy being a couple before you make such a big commitment as having a baby together. I love being a mrs!! xx

mousenose

19/04/2009 at 09:35

We met eachother at school...got together in July 07 when he was eighteen i was seventeen....found out i was expecting Jan 08...Jake born October 08..engaged Xmas 08 and date tbc.... a bit of a whirlwind romance but we feel like we have been together for ages. We were friends for a while before getting together. I wouldnt change it for the world...

I hate not having the same last name as my boys though and am tempted to rush the wedding and do a big one when we have more money....but i really want number two and three close together...so might never happen!!!

BE-is-a-joke-1984 Platinum member

19/04/2009 at 13:34

our plan was to marry this yr, but archie came along in dec, found out we were pg april 2008, so put our plans on hold, we want to wait til hes 2 or 3 now so he can be involved, and obv when we can afford it

blondefriend Platinum member

19/04/2009 at 14:29

I'm afraid I'm the old-fashioned type too. I met my OH in 2003, moved in together 2004, got engaged 2005, married 2006 and had Abby late 2008. I like to have everything planned and this worked out perfectly.

Although I understand why some people say that marriage is just a piece of paper my OH and I see it as a promise to each other and a dedication to spend the rest of our lifes together. I personally see marriage as an important part of our family life but it is an individual thing. I love talking about my OH as my husband - it just feels good.

I also agree with amyamber - I love being a mrs and I love the fact that we got to spend 5 years together as a couple before Abby came along. For some people having a baby is the most important thing in the world but I'm glad we waited a bit. As much as I love my daughter I know life will never be the same and my OH and I enjoyed many holidays, nights out, days just lying in bed etc which will never be the same again. I've had my selfish time - lol!

H xx

3-little-princesses Platinum member

19/04/2009 at 17:12

We met in 2001, got engaged in 2002, married in 2004, had Amy 2005, Zara 2007 & Madison 2009 so we have had a 'busy' 8 years!!!! lol

Although I had mine after we were married I dont think its that big a deal & there are a lot of times I think wouldnt it have been nice to have had our girls as little flower girls at our wedding. I do like us all having the same name though & I suppose it does make certain things simpler but as long as everyone is happy then to me its no big deal

Hilary x

rockmama2855 Platinum member

19/04/2009 at 17:23

Ruby was born out of wed lock, we got engaged on my 22 birthday 2007 but i really dont want to get married now. . the thought of it just makes me sick with nerves so i intend to put it off as long as possible.xxx