Hi everyone

Well to cut a long story short I am thinking of leaving my OH. Im only thinking this at the moment as I have a 10 week old and obviously he comes first. I cant just up and leave as I havent got a job to go back to (I work for my OH business at home) so would have no money and no where to stay. I dont even want to ask my parents if I can have my bedroom back as they are redecorating it and I dont want to burden them with my problems.

My OH and I arent arguing every night and its not unbearable to live under the same roof as him. I do love him but things have happened, and once too many times, to the point where I just cant be bothered with it anymore and I dont even argue with him about it upsetting me anymore cause Im so used to it. When I have argued with him and got upset and angry ive ended up shouting in front of my lo and that has really upset me and made me feel soooooo guilty its untrue. I honestly think to myself I could be such a better mum if I was on my own with my lo then he wouldnt hear the shouting and arguing and I would be more relaxed sometimes.

Oh I just dont know what to do. I share a mortgage with him aswell. Is anyone else in the same situation or been there before? If you have any advice on what I should and can do, Id really appreciate it. I never thought Id be writing this or even thinking it...we've been married 3 years and were fine before I had my LO. I know its common for people to have 'problems' after having a baby but Ive just got to that point now where I just cant be bothered anymore. I have sat down so many times and tried to talk to him...he either communicates and we just dont get anywhere or he just doesnt seem to want to know, as though he's not in the mood to talk andthe tv is far more important.
I think I just want out but Im not even sure this is possible. Then part of me thinks oh stop being silly and just live with it, you have a nice home and are lucky to have what you have, but then I think of my 10 week old and dont want him being bought up with parents who are constantly shouting and dont get on. I would end up having a nervous breakdown anyway. Help!!!

Honey im kind of going through the same thing

me and my oh have been together 6 years. Lola is now 6 1/2mths but i lost my dad in october and i needed carl (my oh) more than ever and i felt that he wasnt.

2 weeks ago i asked him to leave, he was devastated and cried but i thought life is too short for me to be miserable and its going to affect Lola if we carry on living under the same roof.

So he packed up all his clothes and most of his stuff, but he comes round every day to see Lola and i have no problem with that.

I rent my home so i contacted the council and i am able to get housing benefits and council tax reductions, i am going to see them tomorrow, i phoned the tax credits people and they have ammended my payments so i get my normal money on a tuesday and the extra im now owed is paid on a friday.
i changed all the bills to my name and i told them that carl had walked out on me (which is a slight bend on the truth but it looks better for you if you say this) and they have reduced my payments right down and are charging no interest on my outstanding money. I now pay ??22 a week and that is for my ??16 a week usage and the rest goes towards my debt.

the funny thing about all of this is i am going to be financially better off without my OH. He is paying half my rent and giving me an extra ??50 for Lola - which is loads more than he should cos he still sees her everyday.

Honey if only for a couple of weeks ask your OH to move out and give you space and take it from there.

You only get one chance at this game and we all deserve to be happy xxx xxx xxx thinking of you chick xxx xxx xxx

I've been in a similar situation yrs ago when i had my 2nd, i suffered PND and he wasnt very nice to me after she was born he was violent towards me and we continually argued, so i took the day off sick from work one day packed all his stuff went and knocked on his mums door and said there you go you can have him back i've had enough of the wanker, and i went home got some stuff for the day and wnet to my parents and locked the house up so he couldnt get back in (i'd taken the chub key when he was sleeping the night before and luckily he hadnt noticed.
I really noticed a change in my kids moods and their behaviour, they were so much happier with me on my own. Its really hard but you do get used to it and manage to cope. the hardest thing of all is sharing a big empty bed with yourself, but at least you dont have a fight for the duvet or have to listen to anyone else snoring or farting lol

Hi Kat,

i havent been in your situation, and i hope not to be, i just wanted to say whatever your decsion think it through first and do it for you and your lo and no one else. Im sure your mum and dad would not see you as a burden, i agree with Lauren get some space so you can really think about what you want. Take care hun im on FB if you ever need to chat. Love Vicky and Joshua xxx

hi ya hun i was in this situation about 2years ago it started when we had our first child together plus i had one from previous relationship b ut basically he just didnt understand my feelings always going on about sex we was always arguing in fromnt of kids he also would push me about police were involved a few times so we slpit but only for a year and then got back together as we both thought we had a break chance to think and it might work we then had another baby april 07 he is now 8 months old and again we argue lots over the same things as before sex and me being tired tyler aint a very good sleeper he still dont sleep through the nite so as you can imagine i dont get a good nite sleep he wakes up 2/3 times a nite for past 8 months and oh dont understand all i want to do is sleep when i get to bed cos i know tyler will b awake soon so we r always arguing which gets me down and i have said a few times i want him out but it dont happen so i totally now how you feel its a big step to take so have to b sure its wot you want xx

Hi, thanks for all your replies. I won't do anything without thinking it through first, even more now that I am responsible for a LO!
I do love him still so its not like I dont want it to work for us but sometimes, and especially when I first wrote this post, I feel like I just cant be bothered anymore. It feels like Im constantly trying to get a response out of a brick wall!!!!
I will stick with it for now and see how we go...what annoys me the most is that I think alot to do with how I am feeling is maybe cause of PND....I havent spoken to anyone properly about how im feeling and when i tried talking to my oh about it i didnt get the response i was hoping for. he basicslly told me that he didnt know what to say cause he doesnt know how i feel or understand it. i told him i couldnt tell him how i feel as i wasnt sure myself (i find it very hard to come to terms with that i can feel depressed yet why if i have a beautiful LO and feel so happy and lucky to have him??!!). I told my oh to look PND up on the internet so maybe he could understand it a bit better then he could tell me about it! The other day I found he had looked it up on the internet but I had interrupted him doing it so he stopped looking and went to do something else, and since then there has been know mention of it.
It seems like he has shown he has made an effort to do what i want him to do and thats the end of that!
Anyway its 3am and my head is spinning so im gonna stop babbling on...thanks for all your advice tho. I just hope it will get better somehow, we were fine before LO arrived, but I suppose now with LO taking up all my time its really hard to try to find the time to even talk properly.