Is it PND?

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shellandmarcus Platinum member
05/09/2007 at 15:52
Hello to you all. My little girl, Summer, is nearly eight weeks and i love her so much. I couldn't be without her but I think i might be suffering from Postnatal Depression.

I haven't had my six week check up yet as my dr is away but booked in to see him on the 14th (next Friday). I have good days and bad days but when i have bad days i am so down that all i want to do is cry.

Me and my other half have been arguing like mad lately over the stupid of things - he's on holiday at the mo actually back to work on Friday - but i've felt like he hasn't want to spend time with me. Yesterday he played golf all day fair enough i didn't mind but he came home and then went straight upstairs for a kip. I feel like i can't say anything to him as when i do i'm made to feel like i'm selfish and unfair. he said that he knew i would have a problem with him playing golf and that he is no longer going to do anythng he wants as it always starts arguements. I told him that playing golf wasn't an issue as i knew he wanted to do this but it was the fact that he went to sleep. Anyway after nearly spending the whole evening crying and made to feel like i'm selfish i eventually told him that i was struggling to cope and wish that he knew and understood how i felt. He said that he would change and start putting me first but i've heard all this before in fact he said the same thing last weekend.

I feel fine in myself just when something is said or happens that i don't like i hit rock bottom and it really affects me. could i be suffering from PND? Has anyone else experinced this? I just want to be happy as i really don't like who i have become. I am afraid i am going to lose my oh as if i carry on the way i am he's not going to put up with it much longer. :cry:Michelle xxx
hayley_l Platinum member
05/09/2007 at 16:00
hi hun, really sorry youre feeling so bad. It could be pnd i suffered with it when my second child was born but it could equally be that your hubby isnt giving you a lot of support. No one tells you how tough it is when you have a baby and if your oh carries on in pretty much the same way that he did before lo was born whilst you re running around trying to do everything and cope with the lack of sleep and demands of a new baby its bound to get you down and leave you feeling resentful of him. Try to talk it through with him or if you find that causes an argument write it down and leave it for him to read, speak to your dr and hv as sometimes just talking can help. Take care x
shellandmarcus Platinum member
05/09/2007 at 16:11
Thank you so much. I have tried speaking to my oh but nothing changes. i think he knows i am struggling and i know he cares but, may be it's just me expecting to much from him he is a man after all!, just wish he understood how i am feeling. I am seeing the hv on Tuesday so will talk to her if not i seeing the dr next Friday. i just don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling so down. I want to enjoy my daughter as before i know it i'll be back at work i just don't want to argu with the oh as i don't want Summer to suffer from it. I try so hard to bit my tounge and let me oh do what he wants but what about me. See of i go again i am selfish, he's allowed to do what he wants. God sometimes i annoy myself. Thanks so much for listening. xxx
scubavic Platinum member
05/09/2007 at 16:19
No one tells you how tough it is when you have a baby and if your oh carries on in pretty much the same way that he did before lo was born whilst you re running around trying to do everything and cope with the lack of sleep and demands of a new baby its bound to get you down and leave you feeling resentful of him. Try to talk it through with him or if you find that causes an argument write it down and leave it for him to read, speak to your dr and hv as sometimes just talking can help. Take care x
I agree with the above when our eldest was born my life was turned upside down leaving the house took time everything took so much longer. The love i felt for my daughter was like nothing i had ever felt before i had everything i wanted but why did i feel so low. I did not seek help or advice nothing like this site 9 year ago and carried on till it got to the point hubby could not cope we were rowing and things got out of hand then one night i lost it everything came spilling out verbal diorrea at its best.Hubby and i finally spoke and talked about how we were feeling he felt i was not letting him do anything with lo and if he did do something then i always critisised him so he went out he kept out of my way.
I joined a parent and toddler group and started getting out myself and made sure on a Sunday morning he had quality time with his daughter whilst i went swimming nine and a half years later i still have two hours on a Sunday morning to myself. ( he has three to see to now)
Hope this helps but i would urge you to speak to someone about how your feeling you have done the first step by posting on here try speaking to hubby, hv or gp.
good luck hun
tobyt2000 Platinum member
05/09/2007 at 16:23
Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I too have days when I'm very emotional and sit and cry at silly things and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I think your OH could be a little more supportive but I do think they find it hard to understand just how difficult the day to day can be. I hope things improve for you soon.

Charlotte
natmarie Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 05:00
Hiya have you had any time out to do want you want? As much as we love our babies we still need time to ourselves now and again, i have started to go swimming on a tuesday night with a friend and leave lo with oh for a couple of hours, also it might be nice if you and oh could spend a couple of hours together maybe get a babysitter. My lo is 13 weeks and me and oh have had one night out together and had a really nice time, i know what you mean though when you say about being made to feel selfish and what about you, but its true the baby is 50% your responsibility and 50% partners so you are not being selfish, im always going on at my oh that he can still just do whatever he wants, sometimes i just dont think they do things intentional they just dont realise how we feel, hope you are feeling better soon and talk about it if you need to xx
shellandmarcus Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 05:45
Thank you to you all. I'm going to start mother and baby groups next week and i will try and make sure i have some time for me even if it is for half an hour for a bath. I've got an appointment to see the dr next Friday and i will tell him how i am feeling. I just hope i start to feel a bit happier as i hate feeling like this, there is nothing worse than arguing especially over stupid things. Thank you for your support Michelle xxx
KirstyMacey Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 05:52
Hi michelle,

My little girl is 4 weeks and i had a period of about 3-4 days when i felt like this, i was struggling with bf, struggling with the lack of sleep i felt like the house was a mess but i didnt have time to do it and i felt really bad as me and my oh havent been active for months now cos of babe and me being so tired i just fall asleep as soon as i hit the pillow. I held it all inside for this time and then i eventually text him and is now going to hae a long weekend with us and he told me to stop being so silly. I think your oh dosent really know what you are going through and maybe it would be better if you just sat down and spoke to your hv or dr and just chat about it, it will probably make you feel 100 times better and they could just listen or give advice when needed.

Have you been out very much with summer just for walks or to see friends and family? This really helped me as i could get away from the house and just chat about normal stuff and get some fresh air!!! Maybe just pop into work for an hour and show summer off and catch up on the gossip if you feel like it that is (i know how difficult it is trying to get out the door).

Also maybe at the weekend he could do the night feed (if he dosent already) so you can just have a nice long bath and have a whole night to yourself. This is what i am craving for at the mo.

Hope you are feeling a bit betterand dont forget if you need a chat or rant come on here or speak to somebody as it will only build up inside if you dont. Dont be embarressed about talking to people about it im sure hv and dr's have seen it all before.

Take care let us know if you are feeling down at any time if you fancy it xx
shellandmarcus Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 05:58
Thank you for your kind words. I have spoken to oh and things are getting better but i am just waiting for things to return as they were. That's probably why i am feeling down as things are great at the moment but i am just waiting to hit rock bottom again.

I am trying to get out more and at least once a week i meet up with someone even if it is my family.

I know things will get better just wish my oh would understand how i am feeling.

oh and no he hasn't done a night feed even though he's been off work for two weeks, i have mentioned this to him but he thinks it is a joke so i've given up mentioning it.

Michelle xxxx
megmum Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 06:21
Hi Michelle
So sorry you feel low. There is nothing worse espcially since you waited 9 months and expected to feel ecstatic and happy. Nobody pepares you for feeling more unhappy than you ever did in your life!
I had bad PND with my first and had to take medication. This helped a lot and I had a very supportive GP and HV. My oh got a real fright and did night feeds for a whole week then helped me afterwards by doing every second night for the next 3 weeks. It really helped me to get my head tgether and get some badly needed sleep.
Men can't sometimes understand what it is like as their hormones and bodies have not gone through the biggest change of their lives. But you must, for you own sake and the babys, make him do night feeds now and again. It isn't as if he is doing you a huge favour as it is also his baby!
Get tough and tell him by helping you it will help you to get some rest and you will be back to the old you all the quicker.
Let us know how go at the doc.
Love, Meg
shellandmarcus Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 06:25
Thank you Meg.

I will try and get him to do the odd nightfeed. Also i am going to get a bit stronger and tell him that i am going to sleep when i'm tired and he can take care of Summer for an hour or so as at the moment i don't do this and end up feeling totally shattered. I just want to prove i can do it all but deep down i know i can't so i need to take time out. It's his daughter too.

Michelle xxx
megmum Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 06:31
Well done! Dont try to be supermum - she is definately a myth!! I tried it to and it brought me to the lowest point in my life. Im pregnant with my 2nd now and although a bit worried it will happen again I am much more able to sit and relax and let the house get messy etc. Sanity is much harder to achieve than being a perfect mother - whatever that is, Ive never come across one yet!
love, Meg
han21 Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 06:53
Hi Michelle,

I dont think ur suffering with PND i think ur just suffering with HHS (helpless husband syndrome!!!) buy the sounds of it hun. Sometimes its not their fault coz they just cannot see how much stress we r under. When i came out of hospital i expected my OH to want to do alot more without me asking him to do it as i though that it would come natrually to him since he hasnt been able to get involved all the time i was pg apart from scans and classes. But no, he did the odd bit but only when asked and this really really got me down, when my milk came in about day 3 i just cried and cried and when he saw me like this he kept askin what was wrong, and at first i tried to hide it from him coz i felt like i was failing if u told anybody that i was struggling and in the end we sat and talked it out and things have slowly been changing for the better. It sounds like ur feeling like i did then because i was so tired and the hormines are still up and down and u just need time to urself really to escape from it all for half hour at least!! Im glad ur gunna tell him to deal with ur daugther more because this has also worked for me, my OH did the last feed a few times whilst i chilled out with a book or magazine in a different room an listened to some music before bed (u will prob only manage a short while before falling asleep anyway but every little bit of time to urself helps)

Oh and also, i found getting out really helps because i felt to much better than being cooped up inside- even if u just sit outside in the garden... the fresh air can do wonders.
Hope things sort themselves out for u at home anyway, all the best and dont feel like u have to do it all on your own after all, u didnt get pg on ur own did u!!
take care of urself
Hannah xx
joshysmum Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 07:33
Oh hun you sound like you not having a good time at the moment. I suffered from PND with my first baby but i didnt really know what was happening and thought it was normal, after a few months a friend suggested i could be suffering from PND, when i got it checked out the GP said i might be and put me on anti depressants, i felt much better. I was like you i felt like crying all the time and on low days i was really low and my partner got the full force of it all. With my second baby i saw the signs sooner, this time its hit me quite hard and im back on the tablets, some days i feel like i cant get out of bed but i have to to take my 5 year old to school, but i come straight home and dont go out for the rest of the day. This time im a single mum so its a bit worse i think. Do talk to your GP and get help as soon as you can and explain to your partner exactly what you need, perhaps even take him with you to the docs. I hope you feel better as there is nothing worse than feeling like this. Good luck!! xxx
shellandmarcus Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 14:56
Thanks Hannah and Joshysmum. I've been speaking to my friend and have decided that from Monday i am going to try and get summer into a routine and then my oh can do whatever he wants but i have to have so time for me each day so if he wants to go to sleep, which he does when he gets home from work for a couple of hours, before he does this i want some time for me. it has helped loads that i have had you lot to talk to. Thanks again. Michelle xxx
lemmon12345 Platinum member
06/09/2007 at 16:40
does anyone know if you can get pnd when you lo is 4 months old?
megmum Platinum member
07/09/2007 at 04:51
Hi Nell
Are you feeling like you might have it? Yes, you can get PND as late as 4 months, there realy is no time limit to it. What are you feeling?
Meg
shellandmarcus Platinum member
07/09/2007 at 07:13
Hi all, just wanted to let you know that i spoke to my oh last night and told him that as from monday i want some timefor me. I have told him that he can still do what he wants but from now on i have to have me time first. He seemed happy with this which is good. Also as i seem to be doing everything with Summer and i back off a bit hopefully he'll bond with her and i wont feel like i've got to do everything.

Thank you to everyone that has given me support you have really helped me. It's nice that i can feel like i can talk to you all. Michelle xxx;\)
shellandmarcus Platinum member
12/09/2007 at 11:33
Hi all, just wanted to give an update. i saw the hv yesterday and she asked me to do the PND questionnaire. I scored 18 :cry: which is high so when i see the dr on Friday i've got to talk things through with him. has anyone else scored high on the test and what happened when you did? I'm really worried about it now, it's all i can think of and i didn't sleep well last night (just what you need with an 8 week old!!) Thanks for listening. xXXX
KirstyMacey Platinum member
12/09/2007 at 16:01
Hi michelle,

I havent done this test yet. Did you speak to your hv about feeling down and then she asked you to do a test or is this a standard practice thing you get? What is the highest score you can get?

How are you feeling in yourself now are you still feeling down or has your hubby been giving you a break a bit of the time for you to relax?

Hopefully speaking to your doctor will help and if he thinks you need to be referred he can get you well on the mend. Hope you have enough support and if you need to rant you know we are always here to chat.

Kirsty x
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