Are second babies really easier?

18 messages

OrangeFudge78 Platinum member

10/01/2010 at 15:48

Hi

back in summer with little Lucas' arrival turning our lives upside down, his constant crying, reflux and bad sleeping, I swore I would never put myself through this again. Don't get me wrong, we love him with all our hearts, and yes, it has got easier but it's still so very hard! And constant. I don't know what I expected but this is certainly the hardest job I have ever done.

I have always wanted at least two children and people say that it's easier the second time around, that second babies tend to be more laid back, better sleepers etc. Is this true? For those who have more than one, was the second one (third etc) easier?

dipndazzle Platinum member

10/01/2010 at 16:17

well for me the answer is yes

my first son was very demanding ,but i think we let him be too ,we fussed over his every moan ,picked him up if he wimpered ,let him sleep in our bed ,etc etc but when our dd came along we just couldnt fuss as much because j still took up time ,i.e if he needed a poo but she was crying for milk i had to take him for a poo 1st so i think she has just learnt to be more laid back ,however i do think the fact he is a boy and she is a girl has something to do with it ,when he was in my tummy he didnt stop moving morning noon and night but she was a lot less active ,worrying sometimes so for me its a yes but maybe not for some people ...good thread ill be watching closely xxxxx

_B-U-T-T-E-R-F-L-Y_ Platinum member

10/01/2010 at 16:44

in my case this was definatley true

with my 1st all she seemed to do was scream whenever she was awake and generally very hard work. when my 2nd was born i instantly knew she was more laid back...still is now but she is such an easy baby, never really cried, sleeps loads and is very easy goin. xxx

Edited: 30/03/2011 at 07:53

EmCB

10/01/2010 at 17:12

I'd be very interested to read this thread, hubby is talking about trying for the next baby (!) from September onwards, which fills me with horror because Jak is only 8 weeks old now! I can't imagine how anyone ever copes with two little ones, anyone who does should have a medal in my book! x x x

If the other EmilyB reads this, can I have my username back please?

LadyTottington Platinum member

10/01/2010 at 17:48

Yes, for me it was certainly true! There's 2 parts to it - a major part is that with 2nd baby you've done it all before, and you know what to expect. You will not believe how much easier that makes it!

And for me personally, baby no.2 WAS a much easier baby! No colick, he cried less, he took a dummy (we tried with ds1, but he wouldn't have it!) and he would sleep for hours on end! I used to say to my friends I never knew having a baby could be so easy lol! Personality wise he is more chilled out than ds1 (even now).

I think having first baby is such a major change to your life - for us I remember it was a massive shock! But you don't have this 2nd time round - baby2 just slots into the family!

Hope this helps!

Mx

bluebutterflybaby Platinum member

10/01/2010 at 18:19

i'm afraid for me it wasn't true!! lol my 1st was so so good we started trying for no.2 when she was 8mths, it took almost 3yrs to conceive and i was soooo glad in the end because my 2nd was really hard work...not his fault, he had lactose intolerance but my 1st was a little star when her brother arrived and she was such a big help, i think whatever happens you cope and he can't of been that bad cos i had no.3 when he was 21mths old and would quite happily have another now he's almost 2 lol

was-babylove Platinum member

11/01/2010 at 02:53

Yes definately. My little girl (2nd child) is so much easier than my first, You know what to do, you dont panic as much and you know what mistakes to NOT make.
This is my OH first child and I think he has thought i was being quite strict a few times but when he saw the results we got and heard other peoples stories I think he is thankful. Dont get me wrong am not harsh just with things like bringing baby into our bed for a "better nights sleep" I know what damage it does in the long run. My son was in my bed till he was 5!!!

If your 2nd did end up as tough as the first you will cope. We all do no matter what is thrown at us. If you and OH want another baby go for it xx

http://img.weddingcountdown.com/ticker/ijvso1.png

icecreamloverpissedoffwithBE Platinum member

11/01/2010 at 05:05

Not a chance!
Ollie was thought of as hard work when he was little, but compared to MJ he was and still is an Angel!

MJ was very clingy for months (until about 6/7 months ish) and she screamed at anyone that wasnt me or daddy, she has reflux, she doesnt sleep, and she never cries - she just screams! She is so manipulative and when she doesnt get her own way she has one of the biggest tantrums I've ever seen !!

And she's only 9 1/2 months old!

The phrase "If MJ had been born first there wouldnt be anymore at all!" is VERY true for me! (although I adore Ollie!)

Having said that - we cope - we have to. we are starting to find the enjoyment in her, she's crawling and getting to the point where she can play with Ollie, her reflux still causes some major problems, and she still wakes up screaming in the night quite a lot (its been over 18 months since i had a full nights sleep), but she's a beautiful happy baby who giggles and smiles at everyone now, so we're getting there

Edited: 11/01/2011 at 05:45

Baby_B

11/01/2010 at 05:32

I don't have personal experience as just have Beth (18 weeks) so far. But one of my friends has 2 and says that her first was genuine devil baby (her words not mine!) but her second is a total angel. She said it may just be her temperament or because she's had to learn to wait for things because no 1 was so high maintenance but for her no 2 was definitely easier.

fall3n-ang3l Platinum member

11/01/2010 at 05:54

well in my case i got baby no2 and no3 and jack was out first so he was the second baby and the answer in NO! its not easier with hime,he wants all the attention and hes a very noisy baby :lol: charlotte is a little angel,she was the worst when she was a baby but shes a very good little baby,ive told H2B that its a good job we didnt have jack first as we would have had no more :lol:

sarah

millysmum_naomi Platinum member

11/01/2010 at 06:39

i'm not sure that dd2 has been easier or if we have just coped better! like the others have said, you have the experience behind you, you know what you did last time that you would and wouldnt do again, what worked and what didnt etc.
obviously the baby's temperament comes into it too! my dd2 spent the first 6- 8 weeks attached to my boobs and my dd1 aged 2 1/2 found it hard! she didnt get all my attention and she played up a bit. dd2 had to wait sometimes if i had to see to the other one so i was often rushing around or literally feeding dd2 whilst doing some other task at the same time!
It was bloomin hard work, but i do also think i was lucky that both my girls were pretty good and have not suffered with colic or anything like that.
so my two have pretty much been the same, but i felt better prepared for the second! i spent less time analysing everything and just enjoyed it more too.

malkymum

11/01/2010 at 10:26

This is an interesting thread, my wee man is so chilled (almost 14 weeks) and hubbys already mentioned baby number two! I'm worried that as we have had a little angel the next one will be devil baby lol xxx

ProudMummy1 Platinum member

11/01/2010 at 11:19

I'm thinking the same as malkymum!
My DD is 12 weeks and (so far) is a little angel. She's very chilled, sleeps through the night, no tantrums etc (like I said, so far!!) and we're talking of when to have the next one - we do have to wait awhile anyway due to my failed episiotomy that i've got to have redone but even so we're worried the next will be a little terror!! No-one can be lucky enough to have 2 good babies, that's just greedy :lol: xxx

downesy

11/01/2010 at 14:56

I was very lucky that my son is a very laid back little boy and was an angel child, he still is (most the time). He can be quite clingy and just wants to do whatever you're doing. I fell pregnant with my daughter when he was 10 months old, so there is 19 months between them. My daughter is now 15 weeks old and she is fantastic even more laid back than my son, far more content and just amazes me. My son is soo loving and has adapted to having his little sister around, he's very protective and just wants to help her all the time.

hayls

11/01/2010 at 17:28

I'm sorry, I had to reply to this. My answer HELL NO!!!

I always said if Id of had dd2 first, she'd of been an only child lol! But tbh I feel more confident with handling a difficult baby, spotting the signs of reflux, lactose intolerance etc. She's almost a year old, and I still take her to an osteopath. But my god she was worth every back breaking second of it. I see how happy and determined she is now, compare to how unhappy and needy she was and its incredible. DD1 never suffered, and if I could, the only thing Id change is my lack of knowledge regarding baby problems like reflux etc. The first few months were the hardest purely because we didn't know. Saying that every baby is different, you don't know what you get, till they arrive. And Id gladly do it all again!!!!

x x x x

jillyb1

11/01/2010 at 18:17

I would also have to say that second baby is definately NOT easier for me. My son (now 6) was really laid back, a brilliant sleeper and took to breat feeding like a duck to water. My daughter who is now almost 6 months was a lot more challenging, we had major feeding issues, so much so I had to switch to ff at 3 months, horrendous colic and she still doesn't sleep through and often decides its time to get up for the day at about half 4 in the morning much to my delight. Despite all this I wouldn't be without her and I'm just keeping my fingers crossed she's going to give me an easy time when she gets to the terrible two's!!!

tracey_1981 Platinum member

11/01/2010 at 18:35

my answer is no too sorry, dd was so demanding, didnt sleep through until 9 months, stroppy n cried alot. Hoping the third is more palcid lol

OrangeFudge78 Platinum member

13/01/2010 at 09:23

Wow! Thanks for all the replies, it's fascinating stuff! It obviously depends.... It's like lottery, I guess.

Well, i think I will give myself a couple of years before contemplating another one... Right now, just the thought of another difficult baby sends the shivers down my spine! lol

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