So, for the first 4 weeks after birth everything was dandy but 2 weeks ago I had a break down. It had been building up for a while, tears, anger, hate towards me, my baby & my hubby & lots of other classic symptoms. I couldnt get the urge to hurt myself out of my mind (and lord knows I;'ve ever thought about doing this before!) so I took 20 valium tablets and passed out. Fortunately I just slept for a long time abnd nothing more happened.

The next day HV came to visit, and I told her what happened. She immediately contacted the hospital and I was told to go to A&E where I would be met by a psychiatric nurse who would assess me. the assessed me and deemed that I needed to me admitted to the Acute psychitric ward until a bed could be found for me at a local Mother/baby Mental Health Unit. I spent 3 days in this place while the pen pushing bureaucrats tried to sort out the referal. i was seperated from my baby and unable to see my OH for more then 1 hour per day,

I was finally admitted to the Mother Baby Unit and reunited with my LO which was an overwhelming experience. they were really fantastic there and assisted me in looking after my LO, as well as referring me to a good psychiatrist to diagnose me properly. I did so well in recovering the last week that I am currently at home for the weekend on 'leave'.

However, I feel Im far from been cured. I have so many conflicting emotions & relations between me and my husband have hit new lows. He is finding it so hard to deal with my changes in moods (and i dont blame him). I hate myself sometime. Like really hate myself. But at determined to gte myself out of the place. I want the best for my family and just want to feel better again, I should probably out that I have had previous mental health issues, which is probably why the PND in my case seemed to have hit me so hard! Having said that, I met a lot of women in there who had never experienced anything previously but still had extremely bad PND.

All i can say about this experience, which is ongoing, is that if you feel you have a problem - dont bottle it up & waste time - try & get it sorted ASAP. GPs oftern just prescribe drugs without really getting to the root of the problem. So try asking to be referred to your local mental health team, or if really bad a mother & baby unit where you can be treated as an inpatient and also spend time with your baby,

This has been a truly difficult and testing time for me, and even writing this now is hard. (Ive also left out a lot of stuff because there is so much to write), but just wanted to have my say on the subject & let you all know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It may seem weird, but this is where I was referred to... http://cnwl.org/Brent_Inpatient_Coombe_Wood_Mother_and_Baby_Mental_Health.html

I know that this is one of the only ones in the London area but not sure if they exist in the rest of the country...

xxx

[Modified by: fee_k on 22 March 2009 15:20:39 ]

OMG! you poor thing! that is awful truly i've suffered after both my pg so i'm expecting to do it a 3rd time unforch! thank God mine never got that far thou, especially the first time i was really bad! came close to commiting suicide, but i was treated with AD's and within 6mths to a year i was alot better. When i got rushed back into hospital last november with another PE they were talking about putting me under phyciatric evaluation cos i was still on the AD's from having my 2 DD but i turned them down! just not comfortable with it.
But glad to see you're on the mend thou and thank god for your HV doing what she did!

Claire
36wks today

Thanks Taz....

its amazing how many women go through this and also go undiagnosed for so long! One of ther women i met in there had been feeling like i had for 3 months before seeking help, and finally admitted herself then. She has been in the Mother/Baby unit for a while now so just goes to show that recovery varies between everyone.

To be honest, at the moment it sometimes feels so hopeless and that there is no end in sight. OIthers days I am up & bouncing around. Guess its all part of what is a really nasty illness. Just thank god I was lucky enough to catch it so early on, although unfortuaetely that it had to come to a head how it did.

Fee k i have read this and just wanted to say that i admire you, even though you have had a hard time of it, you are still wanting to help others. You are one brave lady....i'm really pleased that you are starting to feel as if the gloomy clouds have parted. I hope that you have had a good Mothers day with your lo.
Take care