Hi all, i'm hoping to get a bit of advice about my son who will be 5 next month

On friday when he came out of school he had a Dr Who playing card which he said his friend had given him, I didn't think anything of it but that evening i walked in on him in his room with about 10 of these cards, he said his friend had given them to him but didn't have an answer to why he hadn't shown them to me earlier and why he was hiding away in his room with them but he insisted that his friend knew he had them. I didn't really know what to do so I just took the cards and said we had to give them back to his friend on monday

But...

He and all his school friends collect these little figures called Go Go's, most of the kids in the school collect them and they play games with them at breaktime, anyway i've just gone into my son's bookbag to get his reading book out and 6 of these little figures fell out, i've never seen these ones before, they are not his. i just looked at him, completely shocked and he just said in a quiet voice "i'm sorry" so i asked whose were they and why have you got them. he said they belonged to a boy in his class but he didn't know how they got in his book bag!
Eventually i got him to tell me that he'd taken them from this other boy's tray and put them in his tray and so the teacher had then put them in his bookbag along with everything else that was in his tray.

I just don't know how to handle this, I had a bit of a shout about how you don't take things that don't belong to you and that when people do that in shops they get sent to prison etc and then i sent him to his room because i am just so angry and hurt, i thought he knew better than this?
And how do I give these things back to the kids and parents without everyone knowing my child is a thief!!! God I am so embarrassed too! He's aways been such a sweet honest little boy and always so well behaved and all that has changed since he started school

Honey, firstly deep breath!

This is something nearly all kids go through - I've just had my 4th and both my older girls went through it (from a shop though, even worse lol).

My son is also 5 and I know the time will be coming soon. A lot of it is to do with the green eyed monster - my son hasn't yet got any of these damn gogos but he has been hassling me forever, so I know the pain of these toys that they're allowed to take into school.

Ok, as for dealing with the stealing - remember at 5, he does know right from wrong, but he is still learning. You have punished him by sending him to his room, so that's it for home. I personally believe in coming down really hard on them for things like this - my girls had to return the things to the shopkeeper and apologise for taking them. I would perhaps explain to the teacher what has happened and make him write a letter of apology to the teacher. As for the kids, I don't really think there's a reason to tell them or their parents - you don't want them all thinking bad of your child when he's made a mistake at the end of the day, and some parents seem to think their little angels are holier than thou (but I guarantee they're not!)

The teacher will hopefully tell the other kids that their items have been 'found' and that will be the end of the matter. I think you've done right in showing your little lad your disappointment and I think by making him write to the teacher, he will be upset and scared enough. No child wants their teacher to know when they've done something wrong. Then explain calmly why it's not good to steal and how upset the other kids could have been etc. Then move on (to the next problem!!!)

BTW has your little boy turned into a monster that answers back at every opportunity and cries like a baby if he doesn't get his own way/win a race with friends etc? I'm about to throttle my son if he doesn't sort himself out aggggghhh!

Good luck hon and remember he won't be the first and he definitely won't be the last - how old is your other one?xx

ps and warn him if it happens again there will be no tv/wii/whatever will really upset him for a whole week!

hi karen, thanks for your reply

i wish they weren't allowed to take these to school, he's lost so many of his own!! my friend's daughter's school has banned them-fantastic idea!

we won't have time to write a letter in the morning but that does sound like a good idea and i will speak to his teacher after school. i don't want the other parents finding out because although everyone makes mistakes, you just know there will be some who will judge and will never forget it!

Any YES he has turned into a monster since starting school and has even taken to throwing what can only be described as a tantrum when he doesn't get his own way!! he never even did that when he was a toddler so you can see why i'm struggling!!

my other son is 2 and a half, are you still coming to the london meet tomorrow? you might meet him then but he's been a bit ill this weekend so i'm going to see how he is in the morning although he was better today!

Glad it's not just me then (in a rather evil way!)

I haven't heard anymore about the meet actually - it all went quiet last time I looked. I'm going to try and come, but I need to look into the parking around there.

Hopefully meet you tomorrow in the flesh!xx

try not to worry to much babe he is still young and getting to grips with what you can and cant do.

when i was younger we lived in a really quiet village where the police did very little, so if parents were having trouble with there kids taking things that were not theirs you could call the police and they would actual come to your house and talk to them about what can happen if you steal. as they got older is they were still doing it they would take the for a ride in the police car down to the station and be shown around the cells, it tended to put a stop to all problems there and then x

If only....... we'd probably get sent a pcso 3 years later round here lol! Wish times were still like that though.xx