Hi ladies

Four weeks ago Faye was born by forceps. Not only did I have an epiostomy but I also tore as she came out. I'm still bleeding but heavier than before as I've retained a clot which I am taking antibiotics for. I lost half my blood supply but wasn't transfused, so am still taking a strict dose of iron.

How long does it all take to heal? Not only physically but mentally. The mw who discharged me said when I was 'ready up there' I'll be 'ready down there'. The thought of sex atm makes me feel sick, not because I find my husband repulsive but after everything that has happened I can't even bear the thought. He is being really understanding but I know that once I stop bleeding he'll be wanting things to return to normal more so. We are keen to have another LO and I really miss being pregnant!!

When I had to go to hospital regarding the clot (2 seperate occasions) they wanted to do an internal and I refused both times. How do I get past this? Thank god I'm not due my smear cause I couldn't put that off

I'm so sorry to hear you had such a hard delivery.

I had a 3rd degree tear, and I felt the same as you - the thought of even letting oh go anywhere near there made me want to cry!!!! i decided the best thing to do was to stop counting the weeks, just focus on the baby and wait until i felt ready. We didnt bd until lo was about 4 mnths old. the 1st time was a disaster as I was so tense and worried, even tho i knew everything down below had healed up by then. it took afew months for things to get back to normal.

Dont put any pressure on yourself or feel guilty about it. Talk to your oh, I'm sure he'll understand, especially if he was at the birth and saw you go through it all!!!!

I hope you start to feel a bit better.

Marnie 28 + 5

I don't feel guilty, but I am dreading the moment when we can and I have no excuses other than 'I dont feel ready' how long before that wears thin!?!? Faye is only 4 wks and were not ready to try for a while yet (clearly cause were not having sex!!) but we definitely will be doing....

I'm already worrying about having to give birth again although I didn't mind being in labour. My drugs were diamorphine & Gas and I found they suited me well but since the birth I've had horrendous flashbacks and it's been put down to the drugs, but how do I know which one without avoiding them both?

It may help you to see a consellor who speialises in post natal post traumatic stress, im no expert but i would say the flash backs are more to do with the difficult birth rather than the drugs you took at the time, they shouldnt really be having any long lasting effect on you now so i dont know really how theyve told you the flashbacks are caused by drugs you had 4 weeks ago?? Physically, it will get better, i had a 3rd degree tear 16 months ago and tbh it will never be the same as it was but it does get better. Dont pressure yourself by worrying about sex etc, your husband can and will have to wait until you are ready. Just give yourself time, But if you are having flashbacks and are struggling to deal with the emotional side of things then go see your g.p and ask to speak to someone, Post natal - post traumatic stress is NOT post natal depression, it is directly linked to the trauma of a difficult delievery and is a recognised problem and there are people who can help you. The Birth Trauma Assosciation may be able to help you, http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

Sorry I haven't made myself clear, not that the drugs are still in my system but that they can make ppl very out of it and out of control. From what I'm remembering and what I'm told, I was completely shitfaced. Diamorphine can create very hazy memories, things are coming back to me but what I'm remembering are the most scary parts.

I'm remembering my own voice absolutely hysterical because they had to put me in stirrups, for some reason I have this image of the needle as I was being stitched coming up between my legs, gripping my mw arm and swinging off the G&A as the doctor was stitching me because my hubby was sat out the way with Faye. I also remember a consultant coming in whilst they used forceps, I apologised to him thinking he came in to see why I was making so much fuss but he was actually there incase the first attempt at forceps didnt work. Which kinda makes me realise how serious things were

the birth of my first son was very quick, no pain relief and no tear. my second was a long labour, gas & air, and a labial tear ... i hated the stitches (after giving birth that should have been nothing!)

i wasn't at all traumatised by first one but i get flashbacks with this ones birth! i have sat here before reading a birth story and could almost feel the pain!

it took about 6 weeks b4 oh was allowed near me and even then it's still rare!

i think you're brave after Faye's birth to want to go again! hopefully next time is easier!

Hi,
I had a straightforward labour but then lo didn't descend so ended up in theatre, failed ventouse and with last attemp with forceps (before proceeding to c section) they managed to get lo out!! At the time it all felt ok, i have a vivid memory of the reg asking for bigger forceps and seeing my hubby go pale nd at the time laughing! I bled about 1000ml but nothing near your blood loss.
I had an extensive episiotomy and my sutures burst when lo was 5 days (we were in hospital for 6 nights, more for lo than me), and i had to heal naturally by secondary intention. After that all i can remember is the pain! The 1st few weeks of lo's life were so much worse than labour or delivery! I used to cry with the pain while sitting and feeding lo/or standing trying to make myself a drink! Nothing helped for long!
My 'worst case scenario' when i was pg was needing an emergency c section.. i never even considered being such a mess 'down there'!!

I stopped bleeding when lo was 5 weeks. It was 9 wks before i stopped taking regular painkillers, we attempted sex for the 1st time when lo was 12 wks and it was bit of a disaster! It was painful but i think it was more of a mental block that stopped it!
We have managed since, it's still a bit uncomfortable but getting easier. When lo was 4 weeks i honestly thought oh would be lucky if we did it before lo was 6 months!!!

Put it out of your mind for now. You will feel ready eventually... but it might be weeks after you've stopped bleeding! Your oh was there through it with you and saw what you went through, and are still going through so will understand.

We want more children, though not for a couple of yrs. I'll admit that i'm terrified of the same things happening again. 10 wks ago if you'd asked me i'd have said that next time i want a planned section. Now i'm not sure. If they could say that if things don't progress then i could proceed to section and miss out the assisted delivery bit! 1 things for certain.. no-one is coming anywhere near me with forceps again!! I'm not thinking of it for now, i'll worry about it at the time!

You may have some Post Traumatic Stress so may be worth asking to be referred for some counselling if it doesn't settle.

xxx

watched a friends forcep delivery and that is my worst nightmare! maybe it's harder to watch i don't kno, but it didn't look nice! :(