My two weeks of being signed off has finally come to an end and I have to go back to work.

Part of me is pleased that life is getting back to normal, but another part of me is dreading going back to work.

Everyone I work with knows I was pregnant and what has happened - part of my job is working with x-rays so I have to tell everyone so they can do it for me. I work with really lovely, friendly people who I have known for years and I don't understand why I'm so worried.

I think I'm worried about breaking down - I've kept it together fairly well so far and I worry that I haven't let enough out. I'm also worried that it'll be really awkward and no one will know what to say to me - or people will say too much or the wrong thing thinking they are being helpful.

Maybe I'm just worried because I don't know what it's going to be like or how I'm going to react. Maybe I'm just worried because I've been worrying about it and the anticipation is worse than the event.

At least I'm on nights this week and I don't have to face everyone all at once.

Also, I think I feel embarrassed and foolish because I spent weeks talking with the girls at work about being pregnant. I do, I feel stupid for getting so excited.

Work feels like a lifetime ago - so much has changed since I was last there.

B x

bless y abusby - pls dont be so anxious - once you get there it will be fine - i promise.

I felt exactly the same and it was fine - more than fine - everyine was brilliant (i told my boss and my work colleague - there is only 3 of us in the dept. ) They are both male but i tell you what they were brilliant and they understood me more than some females out there!! they never made inconsiderate comments - they were top dog!! you willl see - yr work (will hopefuly ) support you too!!!

good luck hun xx

Hunni dont feel foolish about talking about something that you really wanted, im sure that just as everyone was great with you when they knew you were expecting they will be just as wonderful after your loss. MC is a horrible thing and more people have been through it than you realise which is why people can make allowances for you and will understand. Best of luck tonight and loads of hugs

Karen x

Hi busby,

By the time you read this your first day back will be over. I hope it was ok and not as bad as you were expecting.

MC seems to play havoc with our emotions. One minute we are up and the next we are down. I went to church yesterday and was fine up until my priest put his hand on my shoulder by way of acknowledgement. I just cried - how silly did I feel considering that he is a Bishop!! However, you know what? Who cares? I need support and understanding as do you so just take each day one at a time.

Let us know how you get on this week.

C.xx

It is a hard thing to do - going back to work... but you will be fine... I know you will be.... I was off work for nearly 2 months... and I dreaded getting on the train near the same people, walking back into the office.. ... I was nearly 6 months pregnant so I had a bump and then it was gone.. .... some people just thoght I had had the baby, and was back at work and came up to me excitedly asking me questions etc... and I broke down all day... but my colleagues just ignored me in the nicest possible way.. if that makes sense... the first cry they were lovely then I said to them to just let me get on with it... which they did.... People are scared of saying the wrong thing... but just think... they are feeling awful for you.... you will probably find it strangely helpfull to go back to work... You are very brave to have been through a MC and its all about small steps... and every day will get a little easier... you will never forget your baby.. but it will , I promise get easier...
Good luck... xxx

I really hope your first day back at work went ok and that everyone was understanding.

Don't feel silly for being so excited when you were pregnant - it is only natural when we want a baby so much.

Take care, NN xx

Thank you - you were all right.

The worst bit was the drive to work. Everyone was lovely and I spent the first hour weeping a bit, but then I got stuck back into it and luckily we were really busy.

Fortunately I have a fabulous and satisfying job and my patients are all feeling much better this evening. (A bassett hound and 7 week old kitten - awww v. cute.)

I feel like I've passed another milestone and I've got some PMA back.

This was weird though - I was asked by 'management' if I was ok. I replied with 'No, not really but I'm coping as best as I can.' and she said 'Oh, ok.' with a really surprised tone. What the hell did she expect?!

I found it quite funny though so that's got to be a good sign.

B x

I'm so glad that it went well and that you are feeling more positive now

I bet your management just expected you to say 'yer, I'm fine' and not be honest. Sadly sometimes people don't want to hear the real answer - they just ask to make themselves feel better!! I hope they'll be understanding towards you though.

Take care, NN xx

Thanks hun - hopefully they'll be fine.

There are a couple of women here who fancy themselves as amateur psychotherapists so as long as they stay away from me I'll be ok. My best mate is a real psychologist and she's been fabulous - I don't need them using my welfare as an excuse for prying into my personal life. I've already been asked by someone else at work if I'm going to try again straight away or wait until after my wedding - nosey bastards!

Hope you're ok.

B x

It was all going so well but there is nothing quite as irritating as people behaving as if nothing has happened yet being all false and OTT with the cheeriness!

Fortunately I'm finding it quite amusing.

B x

HI BUSBY

GLAD YOUR FIRST DAY BACK WENT WELL, LIKE YOURSELF I WAS DREADING MY FIRST DAY BACK AS I ALSO HAD TALKED NONE STOP ABOUT BEING PREGNANT EVEN TO THE POINT THAT I HAD PICKED MY PRAM.

I FELT REALLY FOOLISH TO THINK THAT NOTHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO ME.

TAKE CARE
CHRISTINE XX

hey busby - people just really do not know how to react do they? it annoys me soo much!! glad you are taking it all with a pinch of salt.

Why cant people just say "i am sorry" rather than "well dont dwell and try again" !!!

Glad it has been an ok experience at work though!! xxx