Hi ladies,

I'm only just coming into my second trimester, and I am really keen to have a home but my DH is not! I've also got a mum who is a midwife (a community one, who does lots of home births) and she has been screeching at me not to have one for my first baby.

My midwife has said I'm a low risk pregnancy; I am quite tiny but there's no indication this should be a problem. I basically don't like hospitals - of course I would go in an emergency, but to be honest, I feel that birth isn't an illness and I will give birth better if I'm happy and relaxed at home.

But it is so hard to cope with the opposition. Has anyone else experienced this? And what did you do?

Flush

PS The hospital is about 25 minutes away, if that helps!

I'm surprised that your mum is opposed to it, what reasons does she give? I'm pretty sure that having a home birth with a first is just as safe as with later children. But there is a higher chance of having to go in to hospital to deliver, so as long as you are aware that this might be needed, you should go for it. My first child Beth is now 3 months and I planned a home birth with her, for exactly the same reasons as you- I wanted to relax and treat birth as something normal, not an illness. It didn't quite work out as she got stuck during the pushing phase and I transferred in, but I was still really glad that I started off at home. (Btw my hospital is usually a 40 min drive away, it was much quicker in an ambulance but still took a while! So I don't think 25 minutes is too bad).

I think the main thing to convince your family is just to do the research really well so you know exactly what the issues are.

Check out www.homebirth.org.uk if you haven't yet done so.

Is your mw supportive? Can you get her to talk to your dh? He may just need a bit of reassurance.

Good luck- I hope you get the birth you want.

Thanks! I will check out that link.

Oh thinks that "everyone has their baby in hospital and you don't need to be different" - which is frankly, a silly point!

My mum was at a bad birth a few weeks ago, where the mother wouldn't go into hospital when there were complications and the baby died. I'm sure this is why she's suddenly gone so anti it, but I wouldn't do that!

My MW is fairly supportive when I mentioned it, but said to just have a look at the hospitals before I decide. I saw the maternity unit when I went for my scan, and I hated it! I love my house, and the peace and quiet and am sure that its the best place for me and the baby to be.

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It is indeed a silly point and it's not true! Homebirths seem to be coming back into fashion, one of my mws had both her kids at home and she was really supportive.

I can understand where your mum is coming from if she has seen that happen, it must have been awful. But there are actually not very many situations which require an immediate transfer to hospital under life-threatening circumstances, most people that do transfer do so becasue they need more pain relief or because it just isn't progressing (as in my case). The only thing that really did scare me a lot was the possibility of a prolapsed cord which is pretty nasty- but it is rare. As long as you're willng to go in if the mws advise it then it should be as safe as in hospital- if not safer (no MRSA and other infections to worry about!)

You're right about infections! And also, the baby that died during labour where I live died in the hospital and there has been a huge investigation into the failures that caused it....

I think I'll stick to my guns. Am seeing the midwife again tomorrow so I'll make sure that I mention it.

Am really sure that OH just needs to be a bit open minded about it.

Thanks so much for your help.

I had my baby at home (he's my 1st) and I'm so glad I did. I was a low risk case and like you, I'm nervous of hositals. I was so relaxed at home and so was my lo. There were no complications but if there had have been then I would have gone straight to hospital.
I really, really, really REALLY REALLY recommend having a home birth!!!
If you need any more advice on home births, let me know!!!!!
Good luck xx:\)

Hi,
First off good for you for having a plan and fingers crossed sticking to it!
Our lo arrived 16 weeks ago tomorrow and from day one we said we wanted him born at home. We had soooooo many problems from mw saying in the end we will help you but we don't support you! Alfie was our first child and he didn't end up arriving at home but managed most of it at home and it was great. I could pace up and down, moan and groan and do what ever I liked! In and out of the bath (with help from the oh!!) and gas and air when it got a bit tricky! We ended up in hospital and that was fine too really wanted to deliever him at home but was sensible (just as you said) and we transfered as soon as mw was worried. I say go for it it's so much more relaxing and that's one thing you need to be when delievering a baby!!
Congratulations and good luck! x

Hi

I am also intending to have a home birth this time and midwives have said they will book it in at Christmas for me (I will be 34 weeks). I have also had some opposition but I have been very firm and done a lot of research (the home birth website is excellent as is AIMS if you ever have any trouble with your actual care providers).

My hubby totally understood my reasons for wanting one but the thought of it worried him. My first was a hospital birth and it was a bit traumatic. I took him to a local home birth group and now he is really looking forward to a home birth. The group also made me even more sure and more determined to have a home birth (so much so that I will use our savings to employ an independent midwife or will consider a doula if I receive opposition from the NHS).

My local NCT put me in touch with two people in my area who had had home births they gave me lots of advice and also the details of my local home birth support group. It might be worth speaking to your local NCT group about any info they may have. Also the Home birth website have a group on Yahoo that you can request to join and you can get lots of info of the very helpful ladies on there.

Oh Flush I wish I could get my oh to talk to yours! He really enjoyed our homebirth and is so proud that our daughter was born in our dining room under the watchful eye of his Great Great Grandfather (a framed photograph we have). He was also unsure of my ambition for a homebirth but I made him do his own research (again using the home birth reference site) and it soon became clear to him that homebirths are safe.

Can't you point out to your mum that you would rather have two very experienced midwifes with you in your own surroundings rather than sharing a midwife with other labouring women who you will prob hear from your room.

I have two friends who also had their first babies at home, one of which is married to an Obs&Gynae Consultant so that's saying something.

Do stick to your guns and I assure you it will be the best decision you ever make. x x

Where are you based Flush? My OH was against the idea but changed his mind after we attended homebirth meetings and got in contact with other parents who have had both.

Our homebirth plan is now out the window after my placenta was found to be too low but we were very keen for the whole thing.

hi honey!!

first of all your mum should be able to tell you, that when it comes down to it, you have to

a) be attended to by a midwife at the delivery of your baby

b) be supported in your place of delivery!!

if you choose home delivery, you should have a midwife with you!!

you sound low risk, so i cant see the problem, tbh!!

when i get chance i'll dig out loads of stuff about it if you like, but the girls have given you good sites to look at.

the only thing i would suggest, is that if your oh doesnt come round to it, go in, deliver, then come straight home from labour ward. many hospitals are ok with this nowadays.

Hiya,
I'm the same as you flush, I really want a homebirth and at first, hubby was not at all keen; however, I have done my research and presented the facts to him and found out why he wasnt keen. Basically in case anything goes wrong -it only takes me 20-25 minutes to get to work (the hospital) and I know full well an ambulance can do it quicker (its straight onto the motorway) and will take that time, if not longer to prep the theatre if required. Hubby has said that ultimately its my choice and up until recently he was supportive of it, but his cousin had a terrible hospital labour due to her suffering with pre-eclampsia during labour and going on to develop HELLP (sp?) which although rare, can be fatal, so both she and her baby were very lucky as they both ended up in critical care/NICU. This has now put him off somewhat, but I have argued that had she been at home she would have had one on one care, any problems would probably have been detected earlier and a lot of her complications probably would have been avoided.

Definately use the homebirth website as mentioned by one of the other ladies, it has great, valid arguments for homebirth and try and determine hubby's fears so you can allay them with the facts.

I havent actually spoken to my MW about my wishes yet, I will do at my 25 week checkup just before Christmas. I hope she is supportive - I know that my area has pretty good rates of homebirths so it shouldnt be a problem.

Good luck with persuading your family.

x

I'm sure your mum is just concerned b/c she has seen what can go wrong - she's your mum and she's worried about you!

A good friend of mine had both of her dd's at home. I admire 1st timers doing it at home, it takes courage - I thought about it but was too chicken! As it turned out my BP was high and was in the hospital for 3 days before she was born anyways.

I think that as long as your comfortable with it and know all the facts and have a "Plan B" in case things don't work out as planned, you'll be fine. I left the UK in May and now live in America and it's done ALOT over here and much more readily accepted.

Go for it girl. Find someone who has had a home birth and let her speak to your oh. Maybe he'll understand your point of view if he hears it from someone else. Does that make sense?

Congratulations on your pregnancy - I think it's a great plan ~ maybe I'll try it for baby #2!

Heather