im still in hospital still got a few problems after having my twins in july (!). my baby girl died when she was 3 weeks old and it just tipped me over the edge. i have/had pnd and ptsd and now ive got psychotic depression which scares the hell out of me and is oh so confusing. i hear things like my baby crying but idk how it can be cos i never heard ber cry but whatever.. maybe its the fact i never heard her cry thats just screweing me over, i hallucinate- the lights melt down the walls and whenever i switch the tv on the guy tells me that everyones out to get me and i cant trust anyone and not to go to sleep. sometimes im scared to close my eyes incase someone comes to get me. but how do u rationalise that? its just my stupid brain? and i can hardly talk sometimes the words just get jumbled in my head or im talking and i just say what im thinking it makes sence to me but everyone else is like huh.. its so frustrating it makes me so angry. how can i not do one of the basic things. talking.. my 3 year old can probably talk better than me right now. or i just repeat what people say to me eg dr: how are you doing today kaylie? me: how are you doing today kaylie? ok ok
friggin hell. im getting mad just writing it now. half the time im completely normal too. and i just want to go home. i cant stand taking my meds atm. the dr had to open my mouth and shove them in the other day because i got so mad at this woman and just jumped on her. if i walk out theyl force me to stay and just section me i know so i have to like master my own head. its so difficult i dont know how long i can do this for

hi kaylie. just wanted to send you my love and thoughts as you go through everything. I've just read your blog for your baby and found it amazing. you are so young and should be having such good luck - but life is so unfair.
It upsets me to think you dont have much of a support network at the moment, there is always someone here if you need anyone.
take care and please keep taking your meds. the docs want what is best for you - I know that might be hard to accept now.
take care and stay strong for your son and daughter xxxxx

hi kaylie. just wanted to send you my love and thoughts as you go through everything. I've just read your blog for your baby and found it amazing. you are so young and should be having such good luck - but life is so unfair.
It upsets me to think you dont have much of a support network at the moment, there is always someone here if you need anyone.
take care and please keep taking your meds. the docs want what is best for you - I know that might be hard to accept now.
take care and stay strong for your son and daughter xxxxx

hi i have replied to another thread of yours. but im sorry that your going through this mostly on your own. you must be so scared. its not going to be forever and you will get better, get out and enjoy being a mum again. you have done amazing so far so dont give in now. just do what you have to do to get well for your babys. your story is heartbreaking and i hope that your happy ending comes soon x