Hi im new. my names kaylie and im 16 i had a lot of complications with the birth of my twins- the twins had stage 2 twin to twin transfusion syndrome which progressed to stage 4 in like 2 weeks i was on complete bedrest from 22wks-26wks when they were born. then i had a grade 2 placental abruption and then the twins were delivered by csection and i hemorraged and lost a lot of blood, went into hypovolemic shock and was unconcious for a week, then i got puerperal fever so the drs kept me under for another week and then i got something else i think i cant remember it all but then i had a reaction to the anasthetic theyd been using so took another week to come round. so i was in a coma type thing for 3 weeks after i had the twins Beau and Blair, during this timw my twins were fighting for their lives, when beau was born she had to have bllod taken out and replaced with saline, and blair had to have blood transfusions (this is from the ttts), then beau had a grade 4 ivh (bleed on her brain and i didnt get to hold my girl until the day before she died. she held on to meet me and for that i am eternally gratefull and so very very proud. my little girl died in my arms the next day on the 28th of july i would say recently but its not all that recent. but it feels like yesterday. She was 3 weeks old.

im still in hospital still got a few problems. i have/had pnd and ptsd and now ive got psychotic depression which scares the hell out of me and is oh so confusing. i hear things, i hallucinate, i can hardly talk sometimes or i just repeat what people say to me. and ive got kidney disease so i have to have dialisis every other day. beaus twins blair is still with us and i am very grateful for that too and i know how lucky i am. i just wish i had them both.

beaus full story is on her website that i made recently

www.inmemoryofbeaunicole.blogspot.com

and then my story is kinda in bits on my blog www.misskayz-x.blogspot.com

I viewed your memory page the other day its lush. So sorry for your loss. You are right to be very proud of little Beau xxx

Thank you for sharing your story hun, this makes me truely appreciate that my labour was actually not a bad one. Am so sorry for your loss, but you are right that she obviously held on to meet you. I hope that you will be able to go home soon and start your family life properly. I'm sure Beau will be watching over you and Blair (fab names)

xxx

thank you. i love thosse names too. obviously :P
my friend said to me the other day when i was upset wen i tried to talk about beau and just couldnt. she said 'we pick our babies names because we want to be able to say them and hear them every day for the rest of our lives' and its so true. its hearbreaking that i will rarely if ever hear other people say my babys name and actually be referring to my child. does that make sence?
i chose my babies names to go together. they fit like a jigsaw. and now half is missing :(

and sorry. i have a habit of making other peoples problems seem small compared to my own.

Oh honey, your story really made my cry. I'm at work, and will get in trouble if caught replying, but I couldn't not. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I think you've shown amazing strength to come through this. My baby boy is nearly 1, and I thought I had trouble with his birth, but after reading your story, it's really put things in perspective. I looked at your website, and read your full story, and it did make my cry. I just can't find any words to soothe the pain of losing a child, nor can I begin to imagine how you feel. But you must take strength from the fact that you have a beautiful baby girl who needs her mummy, and know that together you'll get through this, and always remember the twin who gave up her life for her sister.
Lots of love and hugs x x x

I had looked at your daughter's page last week & found it so moving. I don't want to offend you in bringing your age up but your 6 years younger than me & you seem to be so strong.

I felt my birth experience was traumatic & difficult then I read what you went through & are still going through & I am just so appreciative that things worked out OK for me.

I really hope that yor life starts to improve soon love & you still have a beautiful little girl who needs you. Everyone on here is really nice so never feel you've no one to talk to xxx

Thank you. Yeah i dont think my age really matters anymore. im beyond that point. but yeah i know what you mean .. so thanks..
and yeah everyone here seems really nice

your story and poems are beautiful. i cannot imagine the pain you have suffered. im sure baby beau is happy bein a beautiful little angel above x x x

omg im crying my eyes out that is so sad u r so strong hun u r doing so well i dont no how id cope in ure sit i was ventilated 4 a week wen i had my little boy 10 weeks early due to hellp syndrome they gave my little boy 48 hours to live we even had the priest in to bless him fourtunatly hes here and hearing storys like yours make me appreciate every day i have with him take care babe xxxxx