Before you read this please try and have an open mind as i really need some good advice. I have always been a bigger girl but not to the point of being overley overweight. I married my husband last year and we started trying for our 2nd baby on our wedding night. We were very luckuy and it haapend straight away. Later in my preganancey i developed SPD i was in alot of pain and my husband was exceelent. I had a c-section but recovered really well. My husband has since not been so supportive and we have been having a difficult time, this in turn has made me start to eat more (i dont take drugs, drink or smoke) this is my only vice. Unfortunley i have put on about a stone since the birth of our baby in may, i feel horrible but im getting no support from my husbabd. He hasnt even said how proud he is of me for having our daughter. I have gone back to work 3 mornings a week to bring in a bit of extra money, i do all the housework cook meals and he gets to go out every sat to play football and go the pub.

H eshows me no attention, doesnt take me out, does nothing romantic for me. gives me no praise. Dont get me wrong he can be lovely. But now he has told me he doesn't do any of these things because of my weight.

Im so upset and i know he has a point about my weight but surley everything else i do deserves something. What do u think, is he right or not?

Sorry for bad spelling!!

Hi

Hmmm this is an interesting one. I too am overweight. I am 30 weeks pregnant with my first and when I conceived I was 16 stone and am now 17 stone. I haven't always been big. I was the quintessential girl who got married, settled down and gained weight through contentment.
I don't feel the need to lose weight and have never been made to feel I need to by anyone. My husband himself isn't overweight much but he does get comments from his mother. In fact my FIL always picked on me about my weight but I have always been 'F off it's my body I will do what I want to do with it'.

The thing is, what confuses me, is how if you were plus size when you got married then how can he complain now?
You are obviously a very busy mum and career woman and I feel he needs to more appreciative. Especially after you have had his two children and have been through a difficult time. Not to mention you work and do all of the chores.

Have you sat down it him and told him what you do for him and his children and how unsupported and neglected you feel?

You say he can be lovely so I get from that he isn't a jerk so maybe you need to have a long chat with him, clear the air and tell him how you feel.

I find comments about anyone's weight disgusting. My attitude is 'mind your fecking business'. Nobody is perfect and nobody's body is anyone's business.

I think you are amazing and to work, run a house and look after two kids is amazing.

I'm on your side and I hope that you don't feel like you have done anything wrong because you haven't. In reality he should not care what your weight is. He should love you as you are.

x

Hi hunni, I too am overweight,but luckily my oh doesnt really mind (i donty think) however 9 weeks ago i went to the docs for something totally seperate but she said to me that i really need to start doing something about it as i will start to be at risk of diabetes, heart disease ect and at 22 i thought,,,,im not having that! so i left the docs feeling totally shite....BUT it shocked me into doing something. that night i started my diet, cancelled my order of a millies muffin with my oh.lol. The next week i joined slimming world (alone) and have lost 1st 4lbs in 7 weeks!! it can be done hunni and ur hubby should be supporting you!! if you want to chat further please email me or add on msn my email is dallaspink@hotmail.com im also on facebook,,,kiea avery....all the best hun xxx

thanakyou both for your kind comments. The thing is i know im overweight and im not one of those women who pretneds to be happy about it. In his eyes im un-happy and he knows i can look alot better and feel alot better and i know thats why he wants me to do it.

The problem i have with what he has said is that he has been so horrible to me latley. On our 1st wedding anniversary we went to the cinema and that was only because i arranged his mum to babysit. I have talked to him alot about it and even wrote him a letter about how i was feeling but nothing seems to get through to him. I know he has a point about my weight and i had already decided to do something about it before he said, the thing is just cuse im overweight does that give him the right to totally neglect me. Surley he can still manage to talk to me, cuddle me or take me out for a drink once in a while!

There is alot more to it that just my weight and im worried that he is not who I thought he was, i thought he would always make me feel safe and protected but lately because of him i feel more vunreable than ever xvx

Hi VixieL

That's just not right to feel like that.
My hubby is my best friend and I feel totally safe and protected by him.
If you feel like you do around your husband then this needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.
He is your husband and the father of your children and he has no right to be neglectful of you when you do so much.

Obviously the letter and general chatting hasn't done much but this can't be ignored because it's making you feel bad. You shouldn't be made to feel bad or be made to lose weight unless YOU want to do it.

When my sister and her husband were having problems she asked me to look after her daughter whilst she had the house to just her and her husband and they chatted for hours. In the end they seperated for two months and now they are back together and having counselling. It was for the same things as you are going through. He has never commented on her weight but she felt neglected and ignored and she was concerned he was having an affair and now they are working through their problems.

Relationships are hard but I do agree with you that there is certainly something underlying here and discussing it now and sorting it now will be alot easier that to let it ferment and resentment and worry build up.

It's probably something completely obscure and will resolve itself.

Take care

hi. i have had 5 kids and over the last 9 years of having them i have put weight on. to the point some days i am unhappy. but i am happy and know i can lose it if i really tried. my huby loves me for who i am and not what i look like. i have never been a smaller woman, and have always been curvy. i was a size 14-16 whan i met my hubby and got married then a year after getting married we had our first child, i lost it all. but then we had our 2nd within 18 months of having thomas and i could not shift the weight. i am now a few dress sizes bigger but hey big girls are beautiful and remember that. i don't understand really, i have 6 runs walking to and from school every day, i am on the go all day doing house work, i don't eat poor. it really baffles me. but you know, my hubby has never said he doesn't like me in that way or called me the f word, he has grown to love me as my shape has changed and always tells me how lovely i am and how proud he is to have me and be the mum of his kids , he has also out weight on . (middle age spread lol) we have been together for 14 years nearly and were only 16 and 18 when we met. we are now 30 and 32.
your hubby should be proud of you, you have done and are doing an amazing job by juggling kids and hubby and house and work. be proud of your self.xxxx

The way your husband is acting is wrong. As you say he knows you are unhappy about your weight, so he should be encouraging you rather than making you feel worse. A stone in the scheme of things is not even that much (compared to some) and you are still the woman he married as he married you for more than looks surely. I am sure he is not working on his body for you going to the gym to be a muscle man for you? You obviously love him, and he must love you, so i'm sure you can sort this out. Perhaps if you can get your confidence up abit and start doing some things for yourself (kind of showing you are a sexy independent woman lol) then he may find this alluring? You should feel proud of your body and what it has achieved, you have plenty of time to work on your weight, but at the moment you are busy (understandibly)

Hugs hun, i'm sure things will go back to normal for you, it'll just take time.
xxx

Hi VixieL
I completely understand how your feeling, my husband is a little the same. I've always been "well covered" and never thought of it being a major issue, but I have noticed that when I lose weight he's much nicer to me. And I hate him for it, it just shows how superficial men are. When i was pregnant I didn't put on any weight, and as I was a heffa to start with, I looked pretty good (for me) considering my baby was so small - and he was all gushy and cuddly - I hadn't actually reaslised how ungushy he had been until then.
I then started to put weight back on, what with staying in more and eating crap and I've got bigger. I wouldn't say he's actually horrible, and there is not one thing in particular that I could tell you he does, but he just IS nicer when I'm slimmer. Its so upsetting to think that a bit of weight can make such a differnce to your relationship - don't get me wrong, I hate being fat myself, but its not helped when you feel that he's taking a sneaky look out of the corner of his eye at you. I'm trying hard to lose it and have lost a good chunk, but that sometimes makes it worse as I get backhanded compliments like - "I can tell you're losing weight as your stomach isn't one lump now" and then on Saturday he said to me "your boobs are starting to get a better shape now" Fucking charming.
It really does make you feel horrible, but I wouldn't analyse it too much, I dont' think they think the same as us - its almost like they can't help being wankers. I know my husband can't - I still want to flatten him (with my nicely shaped fat stomach) I wouldn't mind but I married him and he's dead ugly!
Chin up xxxx

I would say ditch him. If he loves you he should do those things no matter your size and he should have some respect for you. I understand however this is your marriage we are talking about so I would say talk to him seriously and if he really loves you tell him his attitude HAS to stop and for you to lose weight will take his SUPPORT upmost.

I hope things get better for you!