Basically my little girl has started playing with herself (rubbing her genitals through her cloths)it makes me so upset and totally shocked she is 31/2. she is placed on the naughty step immediatly and says shes sorry and wont do it again. ive really cracked down on her this week. shes doing a reward chart to try and encourage her to stop it and she is trying really hard but if shes left watching tv she starts.
She says a boy at nursery does it and named a friend that does it. so am i right in thinking its learned behaviour, but it scares me because you try and protect them and maintain there inocence but then they see it among other kids. i just feel she is so young to be having these urges.
how should i approach this?? would it help to scare her into stoppping but i cant think of anything without being too horrible.
i'd feel awful taking her to the doctor as she would have to see a pyciatrist and it would break my heart into thinking they thought she was a freak there are no other problems she is beautifully behaved and so happy and intelligant. we are very close and she tells me everything i ask her why she does it and she says because such and such does it. i dont care about them i want her to stop!!
She doesnt show any other signs of sexual interest i just really really want her to stop doing it.
she never stays away from home, doesnt have any brothers or sisters and i always put her to bed. she is with me 99% of the time apart from when shes at nursery.

please offer some advice i feel really alone on this and that she will do it for the rest of her childhood it makes me so sad.

please help!!!:\?:\?

Hi nikkiyorkshire,
Did want to r&r but im sorry i dont have any suggestions.
But a good point is it sounds asthough you are very incontrol and ontop of it and im sure with a bit of patients you will be able to crack it???
Sorry im not much help but though you needed to hear a bit of support for yourself, gud luck xx:\)

hi, i was a nursery nerse for over 5 years. and just wanted to reasure you that your daughter is touching herself for comfort not for sexual plesure ( abit like how thumb sucking can comfort a child). i can understand that you would not want your daughter to be doing it all the time or in front of people but at the same time you dont want to make it so that she thinks that that part of her body is a taboo. this is just a idea but have you tryed explaining to her that because people dont want to see her touching herself that if she wants to do that then she should have some privert time in her bedroom to do that. (i did this with my daughter when she was 3 y/o and now she doesnt do it any more). we are now useing the same idea to try and get her to stop sucking her thumb (ie. now your a big girl you only suck your thumb at bed time). good luck x.

Hi Nikkiyorkshire,
If I'm out of order please forgive me but WHY are you putting your little girl on the naughty step?
My niece did exactly the same thing, she would just rub away at any point. My Sister was so embarrassed and smacked her everytime, then she used to put her on the naughty step...................What my 3 year old niece didnt REALLY understand was why she was being told off and later on it would get worse and worse. In the end my Sister took her to the docs absolutely terrified that they would say she was being abused etc BUT it turned out to be a comfort thing, my niece just need reasurence. In the end we came up with a "cuddle plan".......a little loving/special time where my Sister introduced the "cuddle dog"as a destraction toy. It works by being given as a special toy to play with when you see her "rubbing" herself. DO NOT MENTION THE FACT THAT SHE'S DOING IT only say something like "Hey lets play with special dog/cat whatever toy you choose" if you play for a short while so she forgets what it was she was doing. My sister did this constantly for two days(one day it was nearly every 10 mins!!!) In the end the time grew longer apart and now she doesnt do it anymore. The dog that my Sister brought for this little exercise was a £1 toy from Asda and is now the most loved thing my niece has.
I was suprised when my sister told me My Niece did the "Rubbing" but I was more shocked at my Sisters reaction to her when she was doing it....it was heartbreaking to see as she had no idea why her Mummy was so upset.
My eldest so used to "Fiddle" with his willy but he grew out of it, We ignored it and it went away alot quicker than we expected.
I do hope you can understand my point and if you don't mind me saying one more thing, It's a natural process for our kids to do something like this, while it may not happen so obviously to all it does happen alot.
I hope this might help.

Hi nikki please dont tell your little girl off for doing this it is very common for little girls and boys to play with themselves and it could cause problems for your lo in later life hun,if you want to stop it id suggest sidetracking her when shes doing it rather than making it out to be something naughty which i can assure you it isnt hun.x

hi nikki, i can see why you are upset but i think it is just a phase your lo is goin though, my boys used to do things like that but they do grow out of it ,so i would try not to worry and just gently remind her not to do it. hope it helps .
luv clare

Wow!! thankyou for all your replys its amazing how many people are so happy to give complete strangers advice but it helps so much.
i didnt know how to write the subject for fear of online predidtors but i know you completely understand.

I must admit im shocked by the advice not to disipline ( and in a way very relieved) but wont she do it more if she thinks its ok with mummy??

I know you say its comfort but she seems to be quite aroused if thats the rigth word and ends up all red and sweaty (oh its horrible)
i love her so much and feel sorry for her.

I do agree though distraction is definatly the best option yesterday i had a lay down with a headache and dropped off. so she was watching a film and i woke up to her having a good old fiddle.

i was cross but i guess its my fault for not keeping her busy. ive tryed the distraction tecnique before and it does work. i guess i felt this was serious and should disipline her.

But if i do walk in to her doing this and i do feel it is the M word. do i ignore and pretend i havent seen anything and its no big deal and walk back out or do i use the technique. (sometimes i might be in the middle of soemthing)

thankyou all for your advice i will use all your replys as effectively as possible but stay close incase i need you.

Thankyou:\)
nikki

hi my eldest son does it he is 5 nearly 6 and i also find myself telling him off, his younger brother (3) has also copied him, they both sit there and its clearly something they enjoy, so i tell them to stop, i dont get angry as much just tell them to stop, but two mins later there at it again. They dont do it in front of ppl just when there at home on there own? i feel quite embarased by it, but hv said its natural so to leave them to it so to speak. tc sara

Thankyou just spoke to hubby about your replys he looked completely shocked we should ignore it and not disipline but very relieved to know its quite normal.
i guess we just dont like to see our little babies doing things of this nature. God help us when shes 16!!! anymore advice very welcome.;\)

xxxxx

Hiya nicky, i can understand you feeling embarrassed, but the best thing you can do is ignore if poss, distract her without mentioning what she's doing/ I used to babysit a girl who would hide behind the sofa and , um, rub herself on her toy, also making moans and groans!!! and i wasn't even her mum!!! Her mum just completely ignored her and she soon stopped. All the child understands is that it feels nice, it's nothing 'dirty' to them, so please stop worrying yourself hun, I'm sure this phase won't last long! Have you noticed that with men it doesn't actually stop? My oh has always got his hands down his trousers!!!!

hi rach24, thankyou for your advice. i did laugh at your last comment mine too!!! LOL.:lol:

xxtakecarexx

try not to disipline her for it.
what she is doing is perfectly normal, my little boy used to do it and has now stoped. my little girl is 3.5 years old and has recently started doing it as well.
all she is doing is exploring a new part of her body remember this part has been hidden by a nappie for so long so has already checked out ever other part of her body, it just happens to be this parts turn now.

hun i really wouldnt worry about it too much. If i had a £ for everytime you heard "J leave your willy alone" in my house - i could go on holiday! I dont shout at J for fiddeling just tell him to stop as normal as i would tell him his dinners ready.

Distraction is a good way of stopping her. She will pick up on your tension so as much as its bothering you try not to let it show. She wont know what 'rude' or 'dirty' things are so shes not really doing anything wrong.

Also you could have a word with her teacher to make sure distraction is put in place when she is there and to make sure the other children arnt encouraging her or others.

good luck hun xx

THANKYOU!! your advice is really helping and she has stopped doing it at all in the day time. and is making more effort to play longer imagiative games instead of being board. by me not overracting is getting a more positve reation from her and she quickly says "sorry mummy" and we start having some quality play time of her choice which she loves especially if it involves mess. oh well what ever it takes!!

thanks again

well done hun, sometimes all it takes is other people just handing out bits of advice, cos that's what we are all here for! Glad things are working out now.
Take care!

Hiya,
I was wondering how things are going with your little girl?
I hope things have improved for you
xxxxxxxxxxx

Hiya,
I was wondering how things are going with your little girl?
I hope things have improved for you
xxxxxxxxxxx