Just wondered if anyone had given this much thought yet? I know my Mum and Dad will want to be there at the hospital (tho not necessarily in the room!) when I have the baby but I think I want it to be just me and oh... It's awkward as they live 100 miles away so it's not so easy to pop in and go back. Also oh gets 2 weeks paternity leave and I think I'd like it to be just us for those 2 weeks with the occasional visitor... just not sure how to tell family this without offending them. My Mum is a nurse and I'm sure will want to be hands on; she's already offered to come and live with us to help out when the baby arrives!!! At least his family are easy as they are over 200 miles away so it would be a planned weekend or something for them to come and see us...

With Emilia I really wanted some time to ourselves. I told hubby I didn't want family at the hospital as i would want a bit of peace and a chance to be just us, our new family, for a short time. It was a nightmare everyone was up the hospital (not for the birth thankfully which happened to a friend of mine) and then for a week after they just kept dropping round anytime they felt like it. My idea was for them to pop round for a short visit one day and then leave us in peace for a bit.
To top it all off, other than my mum, everyone expected me to wait on them

I am really hoping they wont be quite as bad this time as i found it exhausting.

My mum just took over everything which was nice for a day or so but then i started panicking that I wouldn't know how to do anything when she went. I ended up telling my mum to please go home as I needed to learn to do things for myself.

My family are very pushy and they just don't listen (I do love them though). Hopefully other people have family that respect your wishes a bit more.

I'm done being nice to family after last time. My family were great, only visited when I wanted. Left me and oh alone with baby when he finished work etc. His family on the other hand (omg!!!) completely ruined the 1st month for me. Turned up every day, without invitation or warning. Made everything so stressful. I wish I'd had the balls to say something. this time however I'm putting Bea first. So we need time alone to adjust together, without others getting in the way.
You really do need to say something if its on your mind. Just be honest, theres no harm or shame in wanting what you feel is best for your family. I've already started with the casual comments, it will just be us for the 1st week or 2 etc. If they don't get the message, then I'll keep on etc.
x x

I'm like you Handbag where dh and my family live 300 miles away. They don't visit often anyway (once every 2 or 3 years if Im lucky) so not expecting them to turn up for this either.So the first 2 weeks I reckon will be dh and me, then me on my tod after that.

Itll be different for me at hosp in that il not only have hubby there but best friend too. I decided to have her there not just for me but mainly for hubby. Hes really nervous about the whole thing and he kows my friend well and agrees its best to have her there. Itll mean they can take it in turns with me and huby can pop home if needed or just go out and make the calls to family and friends and my friend can stay with me. She has a little one of her own so she wont be there the whole time but hopefully for the birth so she can be with me after and help out. Im hoping to breast feed too so shes gonna help me with that.

As for family - i have quite a big family but we are very close and my in-laws are great. I dont mind them coming once im settled but dont want any of them there waiting in the corridors whilst im giving birth!! and when im home i dont mind having my mum and MIL there as they are the type to get on with washing and ironing rather than just wanting to hold baby. Saying that tho, i obv want time just te 3 of us to adjust.

It will just be hubby and me!! My mum is brill but would say herself it should just be the two of us and then come up at visiting!! My hubby's mum lives 100 miles away although she will be here for Christmas but hubby has told her that it will just be the two of us and she understood this so he will be taking her home asap he he!! My mum is going to come and sit wit me has it will take him about 4 and a half hours to leave her home!!

Hmmm, I'd not really thought about it till i read this tread. And now i'm a little worried. First of all I've kinda had to agree to let my mum in on the birth- which will be good cos its mine and oh first baby- so neither of us know what its going to be like and it'll be good to give oh a break.

I'm worried about when we get home.... i know all our immediate families will show up, mum and her oh (which will mean my dad won' t come) then my bro and his oh, with there 3 kids,my sister (who will never leave) and then my oh mum and dad (who will no doubt make snide remarks) oh sister and her 2 kids.

mmm maybe i'll put my house up for sale and run away with my new family... that would solve a few problems at least

I am struggling with this one...

I dont know what kind of birth i'll be having until much nearer the time (dependent on the twins position), however I only want my hubby with me for the birth.

I know immeadiate family ie: Mum, Mum-in-law will want to visit hospital, whihc I am fine with, however I dont want anyone else to come to the hospital, and I kind of think I'll get away without having to ask them to stay away as we dont live that close to anyone...

However if the twins are early and have to stay in, I know eventually everyone will prob visit the hospital....

And as far as when hubby's home on pat leave, I am sure we'll have all the friends over, but I will most definately not be running round after them, they can make there own tea/coffee - lol. x

My mum is then coming to saty for 2wks after my hubby goes back to work, which I am really grateful for, and welcomed the idea. I am sure most of you may not, but as I'll have two babies and no experience, I thought it was a good idea.

Em i think its a good idea having your mum come to stay. Im nervous about being on my own with 1 baby once hubby goes back to work! but my parents are both retired and live just 10 mins away so will be on hand all the time and weve arranged a 2nd car so I am not confined to the house and can go see people.

I think its all about what works best for you - some people dont want anyone there and altho we prob dont know til we actually have the babies - some of us like to have family around all the time (and of course it depends on the family!).

Hi,

We have decided for the birth that it is just going to be me & OH, she will be our first child and I think it's something we should experience together.

It is still undecided what type of birth I will have (may have to have a planned section) so I may be in hospital for a day or maybe longer. As OH's family all live in Australia they won't be around for when the baby is born but I have a large family and they are all excited as it is the first baby for both sides, I therefore imagine that if I am in hospital for longer than a day they will visit which I don't mind. I have also asked my youngest sister to stay with me for a week if I need a section after OH goes back to work as I will be needing some help. I know that she is mega excited over the baby and jumped at the chance!! With regards to the rest of the family, I suppose I could ask but my little sis is the only one out of the lot of them I could put up with for a week!!

My opinion is that yes it's special for me & OH, expecting our first daughter but my brothers/sisters/mum/dad/step parents/friends are also excited and I wouldn't want anyone thinking they aren't welcome but then again I would tell them if I thought they were taking over!

Sara
(22+6) xx

Em1983 I think it would be good to have your mum around especially with twins to look after and if you have a c-section you will need some help while you recupperate.

I was really grateful to my mum (she was there for the birth which was a great help to my husband and even cut Emilia's cord). I had a third degree tear and collapsed twice on my first day home. My mum had also had one when having me so she knew what a toll it had taken so took everything of my hands. I just started to panic when my baby was nearly a week old (I had to spend three days after in hospital) and I hadn't even made a bottle yet etc. i just really felt like I needed to take some control back.

My hubbies family are a very old fashioned bunch and just don't listen even to him (elders should be respected and do as they please, it's the womens place to make tea, coffee and cake and have an immaculate house despite just having a baby lol).They were all very excited about the baby which i understand but believe me having visitors dropping by whenever for the first week or so is very tiring. My family gave me some space when I asked for it and totally understood and hubbies family obviously eased off too after about ten days.

I am having my mum and husband at the birth which my hubby is very relieved about as he feels it takes some of the pressure off him.
My mum is taking some time off once my husband goes back to work so that she can do all the housework and I can just concentrate on the baby.
I'm not too keen on my in laws being round much but at the same time think that it's not fair of me to include my parents in everything and not his so have said to husband that maybe they could cook us tea a few nights and see the baby then.
xxx