Hi this is really for all of you out there with either 3 or more children. My hubby and me always said we wanted 3 or 4 children. I have 3 now and spend a lot of time thinking of the pros and cons of having another. We have 2 boys (7 and 5) and a girl (16 months). Hubby is happy now that we have our girl although he is open to having another. I am 37 and had 2 miscarriages immediately before I had my daughter.
I've always been a bit of a planner and realised after the mc that things don't always go to plan although I have also always been extremely fortunate and fell pregnant which each of the 5 pregnancies in the 1st month we tried.
I just want to know why those of you with more than 3 children wanted more (hope that's not being too nosey?)and what is good and bad about having lots of children.

Here are some of my list apart from the fact that I love being pregnant and am desperate to give birth again (will I still feel like this if I have another anyway?)
- having another would get rid of "middle child syndrome"
- I have 2 at school and between them they do after school activities every night, how do you fit in with 4 children?
- I try to give each of my children individual time so that will be less time each if I have another child
- it is obviously more expensive to have another child!
- we have a 7 seater car but take my disabled mum and her friend away quite a lot so wouldn't be able to do that if we had another baby
-there have been quite a lot of twins in our family and I don't hink I want 5 children (am also getting older so at an ever increasing risk of twins anyway)
-worried that if I had another mc I would want to keep trying until I had another baby
-I love being a mum and seeing their individual personalities develop
-It is so fantastic watching all 3 of them play and have fun together

I would welcome your feelings and experiences!
Thanks xx

hi. i have 5 children. - thomas 9, oliver7, joshua 4, rosie 2 and archie 13 months. we always wanted 4 children but after rosie our 4th i just felt i wanted a fifth. it is great having a big family, and deep down i would love to have no 6. there are so many benefits to having a big family i am 1 of 5 myself and can remember all the fun me and my brothers had growing up together. i do manage to give all my kids the attention and time they need. money can be an issue with such a big family but to be quite honest we are better off having a bigger family.
i love being a mum and i think this is what i was meant to be. i do get comments some good and some bad about having so many kids and people assume that am on benefits and all have not been planned but we both work and only our 4th baby was a suprise.
it's so nice to see them all playing and growing up together and they all have each other. it's lovely at the end of the day to sit and look at my lovely kids and think how lucky i am.
we don't as a couple get alot of time together but we both know it doesn't last forever and eventually we will have that time. after all they are only small once and we need to enjoy them as they grow.
to me having a big family is one of the nicest things and i am so proud.xxxx

[Modified by: pen on August 01, 2008 09:34 AM]

Hi pen thanks for that, I guess that answers my question about whether I would still want more even after another one! Do you think you will go for a 6th?
One thing that does concern me is that Abigail has always been so easy to look aftercompared to her brothers and still is in terms of sleeping, fitting in and still breastfeeding etc. How have yours compared with being "good" babies?
Also, out of interest, how did you feel about having a girl? Did you find out the sex with any of them and want a girl or were you not bothered? I expect you got lots of comments about having a girl after 3 boys and also people saying you'll be stopping now that you have a girl? I have had that a lot!
What is she like with having 3 older brothers? Abigail is already trying to be like her brothers who are quite close in age and can be a bit noisy when they get together!!
Do you struggle with time as you are working too?
As you say, it is great seeing them play together and the boys say they want another brother or sister! xx

hi. i was over the moon when we got a girl after 3 boys it was great. we found out with our 1st at 20 weeks, our 2nd at 38 weeks, our 3rd we didn't know what we were having so was a suprise, our 4th was a total suprise as well, and our 5th we found out at 20 weeks.
we are very pleased to have 1 girl out of our 5 children especially having 4 boys. yes we do get alot of comments about having one girl, i have 3 older brothers and 1 younger as well and it was great for when i went out they all looked after me.
rosie i must say is definatly a challenge compared to my boys. she is very feisty and the boys are very laid back and happy to just let life go by but rosie is in there with the best of them. she does act tom boyish sometimes but she is very girly, i always dress her in pink and dresses, never trousers.
mine as babies have all differed, thomas my eldest was very laid back, whereas oliver wasn't he was hard work. my others i feel have been easier as i think i have more confidence and experience as a mum. i have found breastfeeding with all of mine easy, and all of them have fitted round it each time i have had a baby.
everyone did assume that when i had rosie that i would feel more settled, i thought this as well, but a year on i knew i wanted another baby.and i must say that i do feel more whole as a family since having archie. but i also know that i would like no6. but my hubby isn't as keen. i do get pet later in pregnancy and that is a worry, so there is alot to think about really with no 6.
time is always short as i have so much to do. in term time i have 6 journeys to and from school on foot every day. i only work part time in the evening so all the kids are settled before.
as i ave already said there are so many pros for having a larger family. i love it.!!!
take care.xxxx

Hi

Its been really interesting to read this post as im in the same situation, we have id twin boys 17 months and im 37 weeks pregnant. we know that if we do have another we want a small gap so are gonna decide this year whether to ttc or if dh is gonna have the snip. He is more keen than i am to have the snip, but i would like to try again for a girl (i know im having a boy this time, but i would be happy to have a fourth boy)

Im worried about having a odd no. not just worried that one will feel left out when they are playing together, but worry when going out as a family one of us will always be left out.

Obv money is always a worry but feel that is true if you have one or ten.

As i already have twins i would be worried about having another set as this would put me back to an odd no, and we havent got the space for 6!

I just dont know how you decide when your family is complete xxDBxx

Thanks pen, it's been great to hear from you, your family sounds lovely. I have to say that I found it so much easier this time, it seems to me that the more children you have the easier it is with both being more confident and experienced and the children playing together. I remember with my first he was so clingy I couldn't put him down for a minute to make tea or anything but this time Abi will play happily with her brothers before school while I get ready and also after while I am making tea.
If it's not being too nosey (feel free not to answer if it is!), can I ask if they share bedrooms and how you worked out who would sleep where? Also, how would you fit them all in a car if you had another baby? Sorry, but I constantly think of all the practical sides to having another one,
As well as deciding on whether to have another baby or not I can't decide on when the ideal time would be (see, I do spend an awful lot of time thinking about this!). I am getting on a bit and always said that I wouln't have any more children after 40 (37 now) but have really enjoyed having only Abigail since my youngest started school last year.

DB - I agree with the money thing that apart from things like holidays, I don't think it makes an awful lot of difference the amount of children you have as cooking for an extra one or 2 is neither here nor there and I certainly wouldn't need to buy any more toys or clothes for another baby! You would if you had a girl next time though although I have had the best time buying pink.
My husband is one of 4 boys and Abigail is the 4th out of 6 grandchildren on his side and the only girl. I still feel so excited about having a girl and get so excited each time I put a dress on her!!
You are very brave thinking of no4/5 even before no3 has arrived! If you go for another, would you prefer another boy (your even number) or twin girls (odd nos but girls)??!!! xx

hi. my 3 older boys share the biggest bedroom in the house, they have 2 sets of bunks, eventually archie will go into their room and it is big enough to be devided up into 2 rooms so this is a project me and hubby are thinking about so they can have their own spaces. rosie has her own room ,which is very pink.!! lol. we did have to think about the sleeping arrangements but there is always a way round it. wif we went for no 6 we would have to get an 8 seater car. but thats no problem really.
i am very practical as well and i constantly think about the consequences of no 6, but hey what will another one matter, we already have 5. i always said no more kids after 30, and i turned 30 last month. but i know i have a little time left. we may think about no 6 when archie is 2 next june. thats another problem , when you have so many kids you have to really plan when you have them so they aren't too close together where birthdays are concerned. this hasn't always worked for me though. my 1st and last have 2 weeks between them, my3rd and 4th have 2 weeks between them and my 2nd was born a week before christmas. so all in the last part of the year and close together for birthdays, so if if i was to have no6 it would have to be in the first part of the year. lol. xxx

Shamelessly twin girls. What you say about putting a dress on Abigail, I would love that. Having said that a boy would be better, for cost and rooms etc We have three large bedrooms so twins share the biggest room but if we had a girl would have to divide it into 2 and i dont want to move them out of there bedroom, as i would worry they thought they were being pushed out, but in reality i know that the boys probably wouldnt care.

Re cars there are a few people carriers out there now that are a good size 8 seater. My Vauxhall Sintra is an 8 seater and the peugeot 806/807 also has a 8 seat variation.

Do you both worry tho that you will never feel your family is complete? You hear about people having 11+ children I always thought they were mad but understand more now. However I know i will never have that many dh has said if he doesnt get the snip after this one, he will after the next whether i like it or not.

xxDBxx

Hi i am pg with baby no5 and i have 2 boys aged 15 and 3 and 2 girls aged 13 and 5. My older 2 children were 9 and 7 when i had my third and i thought that i would not want another, she was a lovely baby and our life did not change that much but broodiness kicked in and i thought i would have no4 to even things up and tbh it has been hard work (he is a little monkey) but the 2 youngest get on so well it was def worth it. my lot have after school stuff too and some nights it feels like you spend all your time dropping kids off but you soon get into routine. As you can see broodiness returned and we are looking forward to adding to the chaos but it is worth it xxx

hi

im pregnant with 6+7 lol, i love having abig family.they do keep each other company,but as you said i wanted another not planned but ended up with twins this time lol

mandy x

Hi, I have 4 and have to admit that no4 wasnt exactly planned but i wouldnt change that for the world now. I love having 4, the house is never quiet there is always something going on and never time to get bored. Like you my eldest 2 are at school and it can be a bit of a pain when the baby is younger especially if they want feeding during the school run but they soon adapt and the older children are great with the younger 2, they do fight but then I think they would if there were only 2 anyway.
Its true what you say about middle child syndrome as people always asked if my 2nd was being a typical middle child if she was playing up once baby no 3 arrived but no one asks that now.

I too had 2 m/c before my 3rd was born and that terrified me that it would happen again, thankfully it didnt. The only thing I would say is that if you do decide to go for no 4, people will constantly tell you how nice it would be if you had another girl so you have an evenly balanced family. When I was expecting Isaac we had one boy 2 girls and all the way through people would tell me how nice it would be for jake to have a brother which did annoy me because all of us would have been just as happy with another girl. as long as the baby was healthy we didnt mind.

Thanks to you all for your replies, it is great to hear so many good stories about having lots of children! It is definately making me want another!
pen - you've got more than a little more time! I sometimes wish I'd started my family a little earlier but didn't because I didn't really know that I'd want so many children despite saying 3 or 4. However, despite the 2 mc I knoe I have been very fortunate to get pregnant so quickly each time.
I am also like you in planning birthdays and after having my 1st in May and 2nd in January was pleased when the next one was due in September as planned - but then I mc, got pregnant again and that one was due in November but I mc again. So much for planning!! In the end Abigail was born in March so they are all exactly 2 months apart with 27th Jan, 26th March and 27th May. Now I am under pressure to have a 4th child on either the 26th or 27th so that they are all the same!! I would love a summer baby.

DB - I would definately go for the twin girls too!! As I said I am absolutely loving having a girl and with so many boys, apart from anything else (I always had a million reasons why I wanted a girl) it is so nice just to have a change of sex. If I had a choice I would love another girl.
I would feel that my family was complete if I had 4 although I am pretty sure that I would still be envious of pregnant women and want to be pregnant again all the time!

rubysmum1 - you have done well with a nice mix, do you know what you are having this time? That is my one concern about having another, that he/she will be hard work again after an easy one this time.

mms- wow twins this time will be fun/hard work. Do you know what they are and what have you got already? How did you feel when you found out they were twins this time?

hayley1 - it's good to hear of someone else who had mc x2 before your 3rd then no more as it really is my fear that I will have another mc (I know you not having one won't guarantee that I won't!!). How old are your children?

sorry to go on for so long but as you can see, this is my favourite subject and as I have said, one that I spend a lot of time thinking about so it is great to hear from you all, thanks!! xx

Hi arg, my children are Jacob 12, Megan 8 Alice 3 and Isaac 16mnths, I would definitely say go for it, i love having a big family, as I said no4 wasnt planned but I am so glad he is here and feel I would really have missed out if I hadnt had him. x

i know age can play a big part in peoples life when expecting children, but my cousin has four girls and the last two are 1 and 3 and shes just turned 40 and her kids are fine , myself i have 2 and expecting 3rd in 4 weeks ans i know deep down in the bottom of my heart that this is the last one i have a girl 5 boy 2 and expecting an other boy, me and my other half dont come from big families and we only ever wanted 2 children as the cost of children can be expensive, but when i found out at crimbo i was pregnant the other half didnt speak to me for 3 days but now ive made my feeling quite clear i want to be sterilised i dont want no more, but if you love children and can afford the cost of them children then you go for it with no regrets but a line has to be drawn some where, i look at some families when out with my kids and there is families who have 6 kids and the kids are unclean and babies are in dirty buggies and the parents are swearing at the children and they all look down trodden ans i think theres a family who have kids for the sake of having them, and the working people have to keep them kinds of families who are benefits who think britain owe them a crust!!!!
but for me i dont claim benefits , i have a mortgage nice semi over looking fields nobody keeps me and our 3rd child will just make us complete as we have the room and certainly dont want to move house or buy a bigger car, as long as we can live comfortably then things are right for us!!!!

Hi there,

Thought I'd add to this post as I'm on my 5th I always knew I wanted more than 1 or 2 but although I love having my big family, I do wish I had been able to plan a little better (not always possible as our bodies don't tend to listen to us do they lol)!

My 1st 2 were girls and they are 10 months apart!! Big shock to find out I was pg within 6wks of my 1st and yes, it was hard going but well worth it! No3 came along 3 yrs after no2 - we wanted another but took the relaxed approach of no contraception but happy for it to happen whenever. As this one was a boy, both my family and dh's family (and several of our friends as well) were like...'u have a mix now, don't need anymore do u!' and it took me a yr to realise I was letting them tell me how to live - once I got past that, it was about another 18months b4 no4 arrived - another boy!!

So, that was my 1st 4.......in 13yrs my eldest will turn 21; 10 months later no2 will turn 21 followed 2 months later by no3 who'll turn 18. 3yrs after that he'll turn 21 followed 4 months later by no4 who'll turn 18!!!! On top of that nos 1 & 3 are November babies, 3rd & 21st and no5 (another boy and definitely my last) is due on 20th November!!!!!!!!! As I said, planning went out the window with my lot

We have decided to stop at 5 as this pregnancy has taken it's toll and I want to just enjoy my family now. We have a fairly good mix, the girls are close (most of the time) and Luke (no3) loves playing with them but as Alex is now 17months, Luke is realising that he's becoming a lot more fun to play with too! And no5 will only be about 20 months younger than Alex.

I know with the way things are nowadays, money does rule families and decision making but I also believe that you shouldn't ignore your own feelings etc. Yes, having babies/children costs money but there are so many ways of combating that - maternity grant, child tax credits (when they get it right lol), NCT sales, ebay, freecycle sites - all these can help money-wise!!

I agree with the money thing, as soon as we found out i was expecting twins we were really careful with what we chose to buy and bought a lot second hand, for example ive got 6 pushchairs (a triple, and inline double, a shopper double that lives at my mums, a three wheel off road double for walking dog, and two singles) and they all look (well did when i bought them) brand new and yet intotal cost me £320 as they were all 2nd hand. My friend bought one bugaboo pushchair for £600! I used to splash the cash but now have really learnt to make it stretch.

Yes my dh and I go without material things but i think the boys more than make up for what we cant afford. One of my friends is only having one child as she doesnt want to give up the 2 foreign holidays a year, whilst I respect her choice I would rather never go abroad again then only have one.

For me age plays a part, im 25 so i feel that i can still have a career when my kids are at school.

Arg, this topic has def got me thinking more about no 4, was begining to think that 3 would be it but now .......

xxDBxx

hi. money is such an issue, and i def agree with mummyx5 that you shouldn't ignore your feelings to have another baby. if i had waited to have all my kids til i was financially stable or though t about it too much then all my 5 would never have been,. i think in life sometimes you have to get the bull by the horns and just go for it, my kids are my world and i am so glad i have been lucky enough to have 5 gorgeous lovely healthy kids.xxx

I completely agree with you pen, If we had waited untill we had enough money then we probably still wouldnt have had baby no1 let alone baby no 4. We do go without material things and we dont have foreign holidays but I wouldnt change it for the world, my children are well cared for very much loved and very happy, and they also appreciate everything that they get as they know it is worked hard for. I also agree that age plays a part, I am 36 now and although I have days where I think I would quite like just one more, I think I am now getting to an age where I wouldnt want another, also hubby is 11 years older than me and has had health scares this year so that has made our minds up, I am going back to college to do a teaching assistant course then I will be ready to rejoin the work scene when Isaac starts school.

mummy x5 - I know you've already had 2 girls very close together (how do they get on together?) but as you said your last 2 boys will be 20 months apart in age I just wanted to say that my oldest 2 boys also have 20 months apart and it is great! They play so well together (most of the time!) and I'm convinced my 2nd son is doing so well in school because he learns so much from his older brother. They all look really happy on the photo, it's a great one!

hayley1 - as you say, some accidents are great and just meant to be. I think I would like an accident then I wouldn't have to spend so much time thinking and planning! How did Jacob find having a baby brother at his age? Was he in senior school?

DB - I'm not sure whether I have done you a favour or made your life more difficult with the dilemma of the 4th??!! I know you haven't had 2&3 yet but would love an update in time to know if there will be a no4. I'll keep looking out! I think as others have said that you should go with your gut instinct and there are obviously those of us that love being mums and are happy to give up luxuries for the joy and happiness that our children give us. xx

Hi arg

My girls have their moments like any siblings but they hate being apart for long periods. We've tried on occasions to see how they did with separate rooms (b4 we grew as a family lol) but would always find one or other of them in bed with their sister!! They both do really well in school as they have each other to vie against at home! Katie, the younger, is a September baby as well so is the eldest in her school year. Vicki does like to excel above Katie thou, as she says 'I'm the older one!', so where Katie pushes to do what Vicki can, Vicki pushes to do things that bit better!!

x

hi arg, Jacob was brilliant when both Alice and Isaac were born, he was in year 6 when Isaac was born and he was so proud, all he would talk about to his friends was his baby brother, he even kept pictures of him in his pencil case to show anyone, he is still great with the younger 2 and loves to talk about them, his friends have joked that he is a baby bore lol.