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[Modified by: removed on 15 September 2009 14:35:14 ]

Hi Sarah congratulations on the birth of ciaran. What weight is he now? Really like his name.

Its really hard not being able to hold your own baby, poking your hand through a window to touch our babies was not part of the plan. Kenny was born at 33 weeks and those weeks he was in hospital was an emotional rollercoaster. A couple of times I just couldnt stop crying. We dont get the usual bonding moments with our babies, feeding them, cuddling etc but we get there.

Kenny is 7 months now and those few weeks of him in hospital are becoming a distant memory.

im glad your little boy is doing well. ciaran is 7weeks today, i cant believe i brought him home two weeks ago today.

when i came home it was weird at first, it felt so amasing that io could just walk over to his moses basket and pick him up when he started to cry.i didnt have to ask for permission to hold my own baby, feed him, or even to change him.I was reading another girls post about her baby being 9weeks early and how she was coping, and i find it so annoying that you just cant prepare for things like this can you?

i mean when i was pregnant i went through every possible outcome i could think of, misscarraige, stillborn, being late, being early, but you cant prepare your self for the mental torture of not even having that moment when you first hold your baby,instead i was left lying on a bed just feeling numb.

HI Sarah, congratulations on the birth of Ciara and I am glad he is home and healthy. My daughter was born at 32 weeks, she was transverse lie, I was having contraction then my waters broke and she was getting stressed so they gave me an emergency c-section. I didnt see my daughter for 2 days, I was wheeled into the SCBU and I looked at all the incubators and I didnt even recognise or know my own baby, what sort of mother was I, one of the nurses said "thats your baby" and I just thought I have to believe her that that is my baby. Like you I couldnt hold her for 2 half weeks. I was in hospital for 10 days and then I had to go and leave my baby there; it was like she was their baby not mine, they did everything for her and I did nothing, I was a waste of space.
I was only 20 and I had an 11month old who wasnt walking, so I had to carry him a lot which didnt help my stomach, I was still depressed from having him, I had to go to the hospital on my own as my partner wasnt supportive, this was hard on public transport when you had to fold up your buggies and carry that as well as the child, something I shouldnt have been doing.
It was the worst time of my life and I wouldnt wish it on anyone, I still remember it like it was yesterday, my daughter is now 23 years old and has no health problems, she is great and we get on really well, at some point we bonded and I did become her mum x

Try not to beat yourself up, do the best you can and enjoy the little things like being together, the first smile etc

Hi Sarah, how are you and Ciara getting on? He must be getting a bit cheeky by now.
xxx

hi sarah just wanted to see how you are getting on as you seems to be feeling and having the same emotional time as me hope you are ok and my email address id sazwilliams@hotmail.co.uk if you would like to keep in touch it would be really nice to have someone in same situation to chat too

take care xxx

4 teddigirl and sez31

im sorry its taking so long for my to reply. wow im so glad you feel the same teddigirl about feeling like you didnt even know it was your baby or not, you just had to believe them. i felt the very same. when i first saw the inside of scbu i looked around and saw all their incubators and didnt know where to go or which was which. i coudlnt even tell my baby apart from six others. i felt like a complete waste of space. the worst part was watching a midwife or nurse simply opening the incubator and feeding my child but i wasnt allowed. seeing them pick him up with what seemed no special care yet they didnt trust me enough. it really hurt.

i got very depressed and really should have been put on antidepressants but i was so busy going up and down, i think i just became this numb person, who spend all day staing into an incubator and not talking or crying myself to sleep everynight.

honestly i can barely remeber what it felt like now, ciaran has been home since he was 5weeks (i came home fours day after birth) and he is 16weeks now. it feels so long ago, but it has affected me. i wnt let anyone look after him or oush the pram. it may sound selfish and childish to someone reading but everytime i let my stepum psh the pram or anyone i feel like my control is gone again.and it makes all the hurt and anger come back from haivng no control over my child when he was in hospital.

Hi my baby was 9wks early and weighed 3lb9 to its so heartbreaking my daughter ashler is now 9wks old she was due today!!!!!!x

Hi there, i was just 18years old when i had felicity 8weeks early, there was kno warning signs for it as all the scans showed she was fine. Felicity needed an operation within hours of being born and i was told if she didn't arrive early it would have been a still birth, there was kno reason for the early labour so i can only assume that felicity being prem was what saved her life :)

My only advice for any mums with prem babies is make sure you get plenty of time to hold your baby, felicity was extreemly poorly but i made sure that when safe i held her as often as possible, and was active in her care from changing her nappies to using a cottonwool bud to moisten her little dry lips, sarah you most deffinately shouldn't have been excluded or not trusted to have an active roll in the care of your baby whilst in the SCBU unit especially as it is often what encourages healing, also if it is possible you should be given fecilities to express milk for your babies inc pump, little glass bottles, tags to date them and instructions on freezing! Felicity was tube fed for a long time but none the less i was able to learn how to do that with supervison! Just remember you created this little life and carried him for 32 weeks and will be there through out there life, please please make sure your not excluded whilst the baby is in the hospital.... be pushy I WAS! :)

Just remember all the good things too, like when you move from the incubator to the next room when there in little cribs and your 1st lesson on how to bath and dress, focus on all the good things and you'll soon realise that your babies arrival had some amazing moments too! Sarah i feel so sad to hear you had problems with the hospital staff as well as the obvious heart ache of your litle one being unwell, and as for not recognising your little one on arrival into SCBU trust me, every1 is like that! lol i was terrified that if they moved the incubators around i would be sat next to the wrong baby! i stuck pictures on the top facing down so felicity could see her family! and attached a helium balloon! and brought in blankets and 1 or 2 toys (just remember to name them)

Felicity is 6 yrs old now and her operations are a thing of the past, she's bright, happy and well! i am 24 years old now and 13 weeks pregnant with my second! i would be fibbing if i said i'm not worried about it happening again however i kno that if it does, it's always for a reason and i'll cope... just about! lol

Sarah just so you kno chic, if i was there in the same unit as you i would have kicked some but to make sure you were included in the early days of your babys life :) xxx