hiya my son ciará was born 8 weeks early, i as 32 weeks preganat when i woke up to fell contractions, im sure you can agree the things that go through your head when you realise your babys gonna be early, well i was fine. fine because i was denying it tomsel that yes i was in labour until i had been having contractions for 7hours and finally admitted to my stepmum that my contractions were two minutes apart. After rushing to the hospital, they told me i was fully dilated but my waters hadnt broken, so he went out of he rom to the the doctor to break my waters, by the time he had come back my waters had broken themselves, and oy did i need to push. i started pushing about 7pm and at 7.30pm ciarán was born weighting 3lb9oz, and he was taken away.

ciarán is six weeks old now, and i got to bring him home on the 20th june. it has been the most heart breaking expierence of my life, instead of the happiest. can anyone relate to me?

did any1 else not get to hold their baby for a long time? ciaran was 3weeks old before i got to hold him just for ten minutes. then slowly i got to hold him and feed him and become a real mum, but at first i just didnt except i was a mum.

sorry to rant on,but would just to hear from someone on this, as it really hurts to know that i wasnt trusted to hold my own baby for three weeks, but midwifes had him in and out of the incubator for those three weeks doin this test and that, so why couldnt i?

ok i know why, but still any1 else out there? sarah xxx

Hi Sarah congratulations on the birth of ciaran. What weight is he now? Really like his name.

Its really hard not being able to hold your own baby, poking your hand through a window to touch our babies was not part of the plan. Kenny was born at 33 weeks and those weeks he was in hospital was an emotional rollercoaster. A couple of times I just couldnt stop crying. We dont get the usual bonding moments with our babies, feeding them, cuddling etc but we get there.

Kenny is 7 months now and those few weeks of him in hospital are becoming a distant memory.

im glad your little boy is doing well. ciaran is 7weeks today, i cant believe i brought him home two weeks ago today.

when i came home it was weird at first, it felt so amasing that io could just walk over to his moses basket and pick him up when he started to cry.i didnt have to ask for permission to hold my own baby, feed him, or even to change him.I was reading another girls post about her baby being 9weeks early and how she was coping, and i find it so annoying that you just cant prepare for things like this can you?

i mean when i was pregnant i went through every possible outcome i could think of, misscarraige, stillborn, being late, being early, but you cant prepare your self for the mental torture of not even having that moment when you first hold your baby,instead i was left lying on a bed just feeling numb.

HI Sarah, congratulations on the birth of Ciara and I am glad he is home and healthy. My daughter was born at 32 weeks, she was transverse lie, I was having contraction then my waters broke and she was getting stressed so they gave me an emergency c-section. I didnt see my daughter for 2 days, I was wheeled into the SCBU and I looked at all the incubators and I didnt even recognise or know my own baby, what sort of mother was I, one of the nurses said "thats your baby" and I just thought I have to believe her that that is my baby. Like you I couldnt hold her for 2 half weeks. I was in hospital for 10 days and then I had to go and leave my baby there; it was like she was their baby not mine, they did everything for her and I did nothing, I was a waste of space.
I was only 20 and I had an 11month old who wasnt walking, so I had to carry him a lot which didnt help my stomach, I was still depressed from having him, I had to go to the hospital on my own as my partner wasnt supportive, this was hard on public transport when you had to fold up your buggies and carry that as well as the child, something I shouldnt have been doing.
It was the worst time of my life and I wouldnt wish it on anyone, I still remember it like it was yesterday, my daughter is now 23 years old and has no health problems, she is great and we get on really well, at some point we bonded and I did become her mum x

Try not to beat yourself up, do the best you can and enjoy the little things like being together, the first smile etc

Hi Sarah, how are you and Ciara getting on? He must be getting a bit cheeky by now.
xxx

hi sarah just wanted to see how you are getting on as you seems to be feeling and having the same emotional time as me hope you are ok and my email address id sazwilliams@hotmail.co.uk if you would like to keep in touch it would be really nice to have someone in same situation to chat too

take care xxx

4 teddigirl and sez31

im sorry its taking so long for my to reply. wow im so glad you feel the same teddigirl about feeling like you didnt even know it was your baby or not, you just had to believe them. i felt the very same. when i first saw the inside of scbu i looked around and saw all their incubators and didnt know where to go or which was which. i coudlnt even tell my baby apart from six others. i felt like a complete waste of space. the worst part was watching a midwife or nurse simply opening the incubator and feeding my child but i wasnt allowed. seeing them pick him up with what seemed no special care yet they didnt trust me enough. it really hurt.

i got very depressed and really should have been put on antidepressants but i was so busy going up and down, i think i just became this numb person, who spend all day staing into an incubator and not talking or crying myself to sleep everynight.

honestly i can barely remeber what it felt like now, ciaran has been home since he was 5weeks (i came home fours day after birth) and he is 16weeks now. it feels so long ago, but it has affected me. i wnt let anyone look after him or oush the pram. it may sound selfish and childish to someone reading but everytime i let my stepum psh the pram or anyone i feel like my control is gone again.and it makes all the hurt and anger come back from haivng no control over my child when he was in hospital.

Hi my baby was 9wks early and weighed 3lb9 to its so heartbreaking my daughter ashler is now 9wks old she was due today!!!!!!x