Hi all,

Due to have my first born 05/08/08, and have decided i want to bottlefeed from the start. This is my own personal preference, but i have experienced nothing but negativity from midwifes regarding this!
My partners mum is also training to be a midwife which doesn't help, and im getting increasingly worried when i go onto hospital to give birth i will be bullied further. Its really angering me that just because i choose not to breastfeed I'm perceived as a bad mum!!!
Can anyone else share their own experiences? xxx

I doubt im going to breastfeed. i have found that people are quick to put you down for not wanting to breastfeed. I mean i know they have to push the 'breast is best' thing but surely there are worse things people do to their children than bottlefeed them? I was bottle fed, so were my siblings and lots of my cousins and we are all fine.

I have found the midwives i have do push it but not as much as people im not really close to like colleagues at work. I think the best thing is to try and be strong. If you are happy with your decision then try and make that clear to them. My auntie recently had twins and told the midwife in the hospital who came to speak to her about bfing that she was not going to bf and that she carried on talking to her about it she wasnt going to listen anyway so not to waste her time. Bit rude but it worked!

Funny thing is my sis is training to be a peadiatric nurse and they are taught not to show preference when they work with people on things like this.

you are definatey not a bad mum because you dont want to breast feed!
i did not want to breast feed as i did not feel comfortable with the thought of doin it in public (unlike a woman i saw on the bus a while ago who just whapped it out on the bus when her kid werent even near her!)
i was even gettin close to abuse on here about breast being best and all that crap.
but i bottle fed and my son will be 1 next week, bottle fed the whole time and he's gone from 6lb 1 to nearly 26lb. had a couple of chest infections in the winter but kids do get ill. and im sure he wold have been ill if i had breast fed too. all in all he's a very healthy and extremely happy little boy.

if you're not comfortable breast feeding then the baby wont be either so do what YOU feel comfortable with not what someone gets paid to tell you to do!

Hi i know what you mean about the whole breast is best thing. I was sick to the back teeth of hearing it through both pregnancies. I just put my foot down with the midwives when they tried to persuade me. Just remember its your decision and is really nobody elses business. My 2 boys have been bottlefed from birth and are both fab. I remember being on the ward after having my second and seeing all the other poor mothers getting up every hour or so struggling to get their lo's to latch on etc when my one was content and sleeping for hours without waking. The other poor babies were obviously hungry. However it is a very personal choice, breastfeeding is right for some but it certainly wasn't for me. And as for the crap about breastfed babies being more intelligent (lol) than bottlefed babies, me and my sister were both bottlefed and she's now doing her chemistry masters degree at Oxford university so thats a load of bull to start with. I hate the thought that some poor women like you are made to feel bad for not wanting to breastfeed. Its all the women (and there are plenty of them) that are drinking heavily and taking drugs during pregnancy (and when bringing up their kids) that the midwives and health visitors need to be worried about, not those of us who choose to have a mind of our own and do what WE want to do instead of what they want us to do. Tell them all to SOD OFF!!!!!!!!

I didn't breastfeed but i wasnt bullied into it. I did try a bit but it wasn't really for me so after trying to latch him on without it working I asked for a bottle. I didnt like the idea of feeding in public either. Don't let anyone bully you into it and just tell the midwife "Can you tell who was breastfed and who wasnt??" Cos at the end of the day thats what it boils down to for me!

as a bf mother i can say i dont look down on ff mothers as they're doing whats best for their child.
I dont think anyone should be looked down upon for their choice in how to feed their baby....

ff wasnt for me, but that was my choice.

you shouldnt be made to feel bad about your choice of feeding, and if the mw hassle you I'd say something lik - you go through the pregnancy and labour then, and then you can make decisions about my baby- or something like that.
alternatively just tell them to get off your back and p!ss off.
xxx

I had no choice on this.

I always wanted to breastfeed - formula feeding, to be honest, scared me. I worried about measurements and whether my baby would choke on lumps (unfounded, but they were my worries) so "whapping them out" *as one person put it* just seemed like the easy option for me.

But my LO had a tongue tie. So small that about 4 people checked and debated it, we saw a specialist and everything. But big enough to affect the way he fed (wouldn't know it now though, we spent ages poking our tongues out at him and he can do it back. So now we have to stop him, lol) and I felt bullied into expressing. I wanted to do it, but he only sleeps at night, not in the day, and my life felt like it was lunchtime. If he was asleep I'd express but it woke him up and he'd get hungry, and I felt like I was wasting time, but my mum (a baby nurse) and the health visitors and breastfeeding experts locally kept encouraging it, even when it dried up so much it ended up being a tenth of his feed. I felt so miserable and useless and ugly, and it was like a punishment or something because he had a tongue-tie.

I know for future babies I'll formula feed from the get go, I just can't go through all that again. I'd hate to be bullied into breast feeding again just for midwives stats. Don't feel bad that you choose not to breastfeed - sometimes it's not an option.

The only time it's ever annoyed me about breast vs formula is when I was going through this and a friend (who said she had a baby but no one's seen anything but pictures) was going on about wanting to formula feed her premature baby. In that case I'd go on about antibodies and stuff, but if you've got a healthy baby then it's not going to matter half as much.

I'm with S.Y. I bf my baby but I would never look down on ff mothers at the end of the day you make the decision that is best for you and your baby and nobody has any right to look down on you or bully you into doing something you really dont want to or cant do. we should all hold our heads high and be proud of the decisions we make for our children.

Am glad I read this link as I have been worrying about it. This is my first baby and just don't feel comfortable with "getting it out" in front of people. I think I would have to go out of the room and end up sitting on my own. I was bottle-fed as were all my siblings and we have all been fine!! What a relief to see they are people that feel the same. I am bit worried about what the midwives etc will say but hope to stay strong.
xxx

I so no how you feel on this. I just had my third baby... well nearly 12 weeks ago now... and all three of mine were bottle fed.... i was 18 when I had my first and when I went up to the post natal ward I had a mw telling me to breast feed and put baby to latch on... I felt extremly bullied... I was so exhausted as I had been in labour for 16 hours and it was a difficult labour and because I was young I felt like I couldnt say no to her... Luckily a minute after mw left a different mw came in and was shocked to see me trying to feed my son and took him straight off when I said what had happened... she was very nice and said if my decision was to bottle feed then I shouldnt be made to do anything else... I think she went and gave the other mw a telling off as she came and apologised!!!

With my other 2 I always felt that i was being looked down upon as I was bottle feeding.... in fact my mw in my recent pregnancy was very anti towards me because a i wouldnt breast feed and b cause i was a slightly larger lady....

I also think it is wrong that you have no information about bottle feeding in your notes or any classes about bottle feeding like you do with breast feeding, although I totally understand that breast feeding can be more harder to establish than bottle, but I feel that at the end of the day it is totally up to the mother and father what they feed their baby... none of my children have suffered from being bottle fed and now a days i am proud to produce a bottle in public...

I had a similar situation to someone else on here... I was at baby clinic the other week and this mum just whipped her boob out then picked bay up... I always thought breast feeding was ment to be discrete and she really annoyed me as although I know breast feeding is not for me, its people like her that give breast feeding mothers a bad name!!

Sorry I have waffle don a bit havent I... think I lost the plot along there somewhere lol x x x

Wow- really happy to hear im not sailing this boat alone! I have no disrespect or opinions about breast feeding mums so why should i be judged for doing the opposite?
I totally agree there is not enough information for mothers out there who choose to bottle feed- something has got to give?
Although im normally a stand up for yourself kinda girl- i've found with hormones and general exhaustion my fighting spirit has been lost along the way. But im proud of myself as i can say at my 33wk check today i put it across bluntly that im bottle feeding end of- and its also in my birthing plan. As if we don't have enough to worry about without being made to feel like this.
Natasha J- as for your midwives the approach i used worked fine. Tell them you have done your research, you know the facts and you will be bottle feeding. Explain that your baby having a happy stress free mum is much better than forcing something thats just not right for you, the baby will notice. And if she's still a cow swap midwives!
To all the women who have bottle fed in hospital- might sound dumb but this is my first so be patient lol- exactly what do i take and how will it be prepared etc?? xxx

All 4 of mine have been bottle fed as will no5 and they're all fine! I totally admire those that breastfeed as I think it is an amazing thing but just not for me. My oh loves the fact he can feed too - he did and will do all the night feeds!!!!

TammyLs - when I had my 4th last year, I was given conflicting info and was told I'd have to pay for any formula that I had for my baby. Midwife was great and dismiss it completely. In hospital, it's a ready made mix in a glass bottle and u get given a sealed teat to then attach to bottle. AS far as I am aware, it's still free.

ya know what i couldnt give a flying f*** what people think about me bottle feeding my child, as long as my baby is well feed and putting on weight well there shouldnt be a problem, i certainly wouldnt let midwives and health visitors try and bully me

I have had a couple of run ins with midwives over my choice to ff Amy & Zara. I knew from the start that I wanted to ff so I always made that clear at any of my appointments. With Zara I had a run in at my booking appointment with a midwife who wrote on my notes 'refuses to bf' She had asked me how I wanted to feed my baby & I answered that I wanted to ff. I think what really angered me when she wrote that was that had I been a 1st time mum she was trying to make me feel like a failure before I had even had my baby. I demanded that she removed that from my notes & told her how disgusted I was that that should ever be put on anyones notes. Needless to say she changed it reluctantly.

I would say if you have definately decided to ff make it clear the whole time, from the moment you arrive at the hospital that you want to ff coz they will bring it up a few times (unfortunately usually when you are feeling at your most vulnerable) Also make sure that your oh is totally aware so as they dont try to pressure you as soon as youve had your baby. Dont let anyone make you feel bad or try to make you feel guilty coz at the end of the day whether you chose to bf or ff should be entirely your choice, not the choice of a midwife trying to keep her bf statistics up.

Good luck with the birth & look forward to hearing how everything goes

Hilary x

My daughter Rubi-Mai has 1 bottle of formula milk a day then I breast feed her the rest of the time and I love it, I decided I wanted to breast feed before she was born and I was lucky eough to be able to do what I wanted. I only gave my twins breastmilk for the first 9 days then switched them to formula milk as I didnt think I would cope breastfeeding 2 babies.

I think everyone has the right to make up their own choice about how they feed their own child, and I dont see that it would be better for all babies if they were breastfed as if the mother is not comfy with breastfeeding then this will rub off on baby abd the baby will be unhappy!

If anyone had told me I should breastfeed and I didnt want to I would just tell them to shut up!!

Hi,
My son is now nearly 8 months old and i bottlefed him from the very beginning. I had no intentions what so ever to breast feed. i have a very strong phobia of it like a few other people i have talked to. i went into my first midwife appt and i was ready for a fight!! i said under no circumstances was i going to breast feed but like u i was pressured, nagged and looked down upon for this choice. No matter how many times i told them about my fears and my severe phobia of it to the point it makes me pyshically sick they didnt listen.
However when i was in labour i was asked again by the midwives at the hospital and they didnt even try and change my mind.
Once Harry was born again they asked me if i was breast feeding or bottle and again they didnt try and change my mind. They went off and got me some bottles from the milk kitchen and helped me hold him right etc.
I do however think they dont care as much if u are bottle feeding. My discharge lasted 10 minutes, woman next to me (bf) lasted over an hour. This was looked into as Harry was brought back into hospital as he wasnt feeding properly due to severe jaundice and had to go on the special baby unit. If i had had the same discharge/treatment as BF mothers we wouldnt have been sent home.

Harry is now fighting fit and weighs 24lb. he is a very healthy baby and not had anything wrong with him.

keep to your guns and like claire says tell them to shut up!!
This is your baby so its your decision.
Hope everything goes ok.

I also think there should be more information,leaflets etc provided re: bottle feeding. There seems to be no advice or support available to bottle feeding mums what so ever. We're just left to get on with it and the only guidelines we get for making up bottles etc is on the actual boxes of formula! And during both pregnancies even after i'd made my intention to bottle feed crystal clear, i was still bombarded with the usual 'breast is best' mumbo jumbo leaflets etc. It seems like discrimination to me, it shouldn't be allowed x I was also like you Rach in that the thought of breastfeeding turned my stomach x

I wasnt looked down on for bottlefeeding at all but i agree with you EmmaLou85 re. the leaflets and things about bottlefeeding. When I was in the hospital there were loads of posters and leaflets about breastfeeding but only one about bottlefeeding with a tiny bit of advise about sterilising and making bottles and that was IT. It was a really abrupt leaflet that said about 1000 times "There is an increased risk of infections if you feed your child with formula - breastfeed for 6 months" (!!!!) I would have liked information about which formula to use and things.

EmmaLou85 I completely agree with you about the lack of information given about bottlefeeding. When I asked with my 1st I was told something along the lines of take a trip to tescos & you'll see what they have there. Hardly professional advice!!! I know that all babies are different & what suits one can give another wind or upset their wee tummies but I wasnt even told this, which would in my opinion be a much more appropriate & professional thing to say. It was in that same appointment I received the jumbo bf leaflet that you talked about.

I have a phobia of bf too & I was actually afraid to say that out loud for a long time but i have came to realise that it does seem a lot more common than I first thought. It doesnt bother me if anyone else is bf though, I just know I couldnt do it myself xx

Im the same,i have no problem with other women doing it, just the thought of doing it myself gives me the shivers!

i too have no problem with women doing it, just thinking it about it now tho is making me feel slightly sick!! i reckon it runs in my family as my feels the same and my sis i think is even worse than me!!