I have posted about this in brief in another forum, before i came across this one. The title says it all really, my hubby doesn't want another child and its killing me. I've always known i wanted more than one and he initally wanted 3. Our dd is 3.5 yrs now and we had a talk about 3-4 months ago about having another baby, he actually came round to the idea and started suggestions like where the new baby would eventually sleep, the fact that we have still got all our dd baby stuff like prams, highchair, bath etc. After a week of so of trying, he changed his mind and realised it wasn't a good idea, bascially he didn't want another baby. I went from feeling like i was on top of the world to my world crashing around me. I felt utterly devasted. I wouldn't, couldn't talk to him, until eventually we did and he explained that he was worried about the financial aspect to having another baby (he works full time and i work part time) and that he wanted to be able to give our dd the best of everything which he believes can't happen if we are to have another baby. I told him how i felt about it, how much i wanted to have another child, for our dd to have a brother or sister. He stuck to what he said and left me crying on the floor. He didn't like this much, but i figured if he was the cause of my unhappiness then he will have to live with seeing how he has made me feel. Anyway, we had another chat a couple of days later and he agreed to have another child, just not yet. He's 24 and i'm 35 so time is not on my side. he intially was thinking 5 years down the line! I told him for me that would be too late. So we got to around trying at the end of the year. But, he wanted 2 days to get his head around it all. That was about 8 weeks ago and he's gone back on his word. I've not mentioned it again to him. I'm heartbroken inside yet i carry on as normal for my dd. I just don't know how i can, if i can spend the rest of my life with someone who has broken me.

oh i am so sorry, i think this is one of the cruelest parts of couples because you had the same feelings to begin with and one person changes their mind leaving you in a very difficult situation, on the one hand you love them, and on the other you have a desperate want for children or more children in your case. i dont really know what to advise but i do think you are probably doing the right thing carrying on for your dd. my oh is very similar i have always wanted 3 children, the idea of a childless life is one i never wanted, initially my oh was just the same, then he said he wanted none, i was heartbroken, should i leave him just because he'd changed his mind? Anyway i did stay and we actually thought in the end we couldn't have children so just got on with it, then along came my beautiful little boy, for me as much as i love him one is not enough i am still desperate for another two (i came from a big family myself and want my son to have siblings) although my oh loves our son to pieces he has now said he doesn't want anymore and changes his mind all the time. i think it is a very big decision and although money has got a lot to do with it i think if its just for 'extra' presents for your dd it really wouldn't matter children talk about the love from their family not that they got everything they ever wanted. He may come around, perhaps by not going on about it for a while he will feel less pressure, it sounds a bit like cold feet. Even if you didn't mention it again i would be very surprised if your dd never asked you and oh why she didn't have a brother or sister and perhaps that will start the ball rolling. Was he an only child? if he had a sibling that he gets on with he will soon see the benefits, like family holidays your dd doesn't have a permanent playmate, do you think he'd come around if he was seeing other families/relatives children who have brothers and sisters, i think you cant help but smile, i am always pointing out to my oh 'well how would you feel about life without your brother in it' good luck i really do hope he does come around for you and you begin to feel slightly happier about your current situation, i know time feels short for you but you may find your oh just needs a little longer without pressure (24 is still young to have a handful of chilfdren).... at least try. i hope what i've said helps in some way i have a feeling i've just babbled! good luck and thinking of you

Thanks for your reply. Hubby is one of 6 boys and has one sister so yes, he has come from a big family. I'm one of five so i could never imagine being an only child. One of his brother has 2 kids who we see on a regualr basis (they live about 140 miles away from us) and to see our dd play with them is lovely, they all get on and its heartbreaking when they leave as our dd seems so lonley when they're gone. Both of my brother-in-laws have remarked to him that you can't leave it at one, another one will the best thing you can give your dd, not how much money you have to leave her once we're gone. I just feel as though time is running out as i'm getting older and the age gap between our dd and a potential sibling is getter bigger the more we wait. I think if i am not pregnant by the time this year is out then i probably never will be. I am grateful in having what i have already got but i can't help how i feel about this. Thanks for reading x

i think its only natural to feel the way you do and i really hope that your oh does come around to your way of thinking, unless he hated being 1 of 6 i cant see how he wouldn't appreciate how special it is. i wouldnt say 4 years is too much of a gap, between my oh and bil are 4 years and they get on brilliantly and my sister and i are 7 yrs (although 2bro inbetween) and we are so very close. i know you think time is running out and noone can officially tell you either way but do you think explaining your fears to oh again may shake him up, you could always say you dont even know if youre capable of having children now and could you just let fate make its choice, they do say it gets harder with age so perhaps he could take that inrto consideration and you said how much your dd loves playing with her cousins -maybe point it out more to your oh (if you dont already). really wishing you the best of luck

I dont know what to say really hun except good luck and hope he change his mind for good! This sounds ridiculous as my baby is only 6 weeks old and money is tight but I want at least 3 children. I love kids, love babies, loved being pregnant, hell I didn't even mind the 40 hour labour followed by emergency caesarean! And I can't imagine ever not doing it again. But my oh does not want any more, ever. I am 20 and he is 22 so we do have time, I'm hoping I have at least 20 years left of fertility in which he can change his mind! x

Well, we haven't discussed it any further, i think i'm just holding out until i feel we should be trying, thats when it will all come to a head, like i said if i'm not pregnant by the end of this year, i know i never will be again. He did say we would try at the end of the year, but i'm afraid he has changed his mind again. I understand that he's worried how we'd cope financially, but i think its more along the lines of what we'd leave behind for our dd, he wants to make sure that dd would be financially secure ones we are gone. We don't own our own house, only rent, we can't afford a mortgage and he wants us to have our own house before considering trying for another baby. The only way we will ever have our own house is if we won the lotto. We don't even get save £20 a month, so we've no chance of saving for a desposit and both our parents are in no position to help us. I just think our dd will be more better off with a sibling than what will prob be a little bit of money after we are gone.

i know this sounds a bit morbid but have you considered life insurance policy of somesort, you can get ones to insure against natural death and they just decrease the longer you live, i cant be more specific off the top of my head, but i could try finding out the correct name if you'd like to look into it. money is always tight and although we would all love to have money to leave behind for our children its not always possible, love is far more important but i know while they are still young its the cash you think about, i am sure government would support her though! good luck, i really hope he does come around for you,

just a quick reply to your post im going through a bad aptch with oh to different reasons but i wasnt myself in pregnancy and its what caused all the problems and the throught of me being pregnant frightens my oh half to death, did you have a good time as in a couple? try just leting him stew you know what men are like they allways try to defy you!!! let him think its ok then try and approch the subject agagin in a couple of months????

Im really sorry you are feeling like this babe, me and my husband always wanted 4 children and then after our second he decided that he never wanted to have any more children we talked and in the end it was me that backed down and just got used to the fact that it wasnt going to happen, i went to college and passed my first year i was due to enrole for my second year when 8 weeks ago i found out i was pregnant again, i was freeking out my husband was in england for the night working when i relised that i hadnt had a period for 3 months and 4 days, since i had the coil put in 3 months was normal for how long i went between them so i had an old test in the house and decided to take it just to put my mind at ease and reasure my self that it was just the coil messing me about again, when it came back possitive i flipped, got the other two back out of bed and went to chemest to get more tests the more that came back positive the more freaked out i got.
the next day i went to the docs and got refered to the hospital.
that night when my hubby came home i was told him and the whole time i was prepared for him to go mad, but you know what he shocked me and was so happy about it all, and was as scared as me that something might go wrong.
Your hubby might change his mind again, men can be a bit strange about kids, they also think to much about money they forget that children dont need all the things money can buy they can live hapily so long as they have the love and suport of there family x

Thanks for everyone's support on this. DD has been a bit of a nightmare lately, more tantrums than usual and her behaviour isn't really doing me any favours, as i am trying to, well not really trying but hoping he'll change his mind about having a 2nd baby. I'm really afraid because i feel like i'm avoiding what is really the envitable, that when the time comes that i think we should try for another baby, he will ultimately say no way, so i will definately know that there will be no 2nd baby and how will i feel then? to know for 100% that i will not hold another of my baby? I think i've been avoiding thinking about it all, knowing i have a couple of months, maybe 3 before i should bring it up again with him.