Hi, my g/f uses this site n recommended it to me. I rly need some advice. Im in a really difficult situation. Me and my g/f have been together since we were 15, (we're now both 20) however we had a 3 month break at the end of last year where she started seeing this other guy, nothing serious but still. It was only when we got back together that she realised she was pregnant. And we're both in the situation of not knowing the paternity of the baby. we tried to work it out by using the dates given but its so close n we're still unsure. I have to admit im finding it really hard to get over excited about the whole thing because i don't want to be let down at the end, and she doesn't seem to understand from my point of view how i feel n gets upset n moody when i dnt get as involved as i should, eg. I told her i wasnt sure if i could b in the delivery room when she has the baby coz i dnt wnt it to come out and not be mine. Im in such a difficult situation because I do love her so much and i kno this sounds harsh but im not sure i can stay with her if the babys not mine. I would love to say i would but i really don't kno. I can't imagine being without her, she's the only 1 for me. If the baby was mine i would be over the moon no doubt about it and im praying its mine, but im still finding everything so hard to cope with. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thnx. Sorry this msg is so long,

well this is a hard one but i would say if she is the one for you then surl you would feel the same about the baby as it is a part of her. And as the baby isnt born yet they wouldnt know the difference whether you were the father or not, and to be honest never would no unless something horrid happened and they needed something from a birth parent.

By reading your text you seem that u are not sure about what you want as you say if the baby isnt yours you dont know if you could stay with her.. then in my views you dont love her enough and she isnt the one for you...

I think you should work out now what you want now so that your poor girlfriend knows where she stands. Also I can see why she gets upset and moody with you... i think i would be too if my boyfriend is saying that he doesnt know if he could stay with me if the baby i was having wasnt his... and she also has all these hormones to contend with aswell....

Sorry if I dont sound sympathetic and harsh but this is my view... other people may have a different view and I dont mean to cause offence with thies post... but my advice is sort your head out now and quickly so your girlfriend can get her life sorted before lo arrives!!!

You say she's the one for you - do you really love her that much? If you do, I think you would be willing to work something out. I understand it's hard for you but it's hard for ur gf too. Look at it a different way - imagine u 2 had just met, you knew she was 'the one' and she says she has a lo already.....would you give up on her and walk away or would you want to make things work?

They say anyone can be a father but it takes a special person to be a dad - do you wanna be that special person in this baby's life?

I agree with mummyX5, any one can be a sperm doner but it takes some one realy special and dedicaed to be a dad, my LO is 14months and his dad is only now starting to have a slight intress now, but he has broke up with me as i am pregnant with his second child ( a lil girl) he said at xmas that he didnt think he should have askd me the xmas the year b4 to marry him cause he never realy ment it but if he could take i back and do it again he would have done it xmas07 cause he lovd me so much but yet when i found out in feb that i was pregnant he left, think how much you realy love her, you have been together 4-5 years it must be pretty special to be together that long

hi i wanted to give you a different point of view. me and my now husband, got together when i was pregnant. we had been very good friends for a few years before so sort of the same situation except you and your girlfriend already have all that love built up.
my husband is the most fantastic dad in the world and we know he isnt my daughters bio father he is still her dad. he is still the one she looks up to,respects and adores. he is still the one who gets a kiss in the morning and last thing at night and he still still her most favorite person in the world (even above me i might add!) anyway what im trying to say is that dna has nothing to do with the love you will feelfor this baby if you just let it be. you obviously love your girlfriend as you havent yet walked away and pls dont because it would be horrible for both of you to think in a few years time,what if blah blah blah...
does this other bloke know? have you discused having a dna test? i know who my daughters father is but he wanted nothing to do with me once i was pregnant and i all i can say is that it is his lose not mine or my husbands,we have our daughter and a happy life and our daughter is happy. uf you think you can wake up in the morning when the baby is here and all you can feel is love and blessed that the baby is here then do the right thing and stick by your girlfriend who has been truefull and patient and loving but if you think you will wake in the morning and not get out of your head that the baby doesnt have your dna then dont put your girlfriend tho anymore heartache. just remember there are so many people in this world that want a child and cant do it on their own when you make your desicsion.
i have never known anone say they regret having children but there are lots that say they regret not having any!

Although I agree with the others that it takes a special man to be a dad (Takers is a fantastic dad to SBJr, they adore each other and you'd never know they weren't biologically related) - personally I think you are in a very difficult situation.

You obviously love your g/f but I reckon you should get a dna test done when the baby is born. Purely because otherwise you will always wonder at the back of your mind and I think by the sounds of it you need to remove that doubt,

Only when the baby is here and you know for sure will you be able to tell your true feelings on this. There's every chance this baby is yours, but by the sounds of things there's also a chance it isn't. You might find that once the baby is here, you won't care either way but I think you'll always wonder and that is more likely to effect your relationship then finding out the truth.

At least your g/f has been completely honest with you and you seem to have a strong relationship.

I hope everything turns out the way you want it to xx

Ouch! That is so hard. You may make up your mind now, but trust me, either way, your mind will change when you see that baby. If the baby isn't yours, maybe you can still have your gf in your life and be a step dad, or an uncle figure.

Or just keep the gf as a friend and help out when you can..emotionally..whatever.

If the baby is yours thank the Lord and enjoy fatherhood!

I totally understand where ur coming from but its does take a man to take on someone else child as my partner took my son on as his own when my son was 3 yrs old and now we have a wonderful daughter shes 6 months old, alot of man outthere dont like ready made family

Let me tell u this if u do go to delievery room with ur gf and u watch that baby being born the love will overflow u and each day and every day that baby will look at u, smile at u, cry for u, cuddle u, plays with u and ur willing to throw it away cos ur not sure if that child is not urs, does it matter? Baby didnt ask to come in this world, as for what other said i agree as well, If u love her that much as u say then u wouldnt be thinking about leaving her if the baby isnt urs, i know how hard it is to bring someone else child up but its be worth it in the end when the child called u daddy and no one else if u know what i mean

I really do hope u will work it out sooner rather than later and what i mean by that is u need to be ready if u want to be there for birth cos u might regret it if u didnt, ur gf need some support from u not u thinking about urself as shes carrying the child and her hormones do go all over the place

How far gone is she? have u been for scans yet? if so what did u think of them?

Good luck
Carly and Keira xxxxxxxxxxx

hi, I just saw this and thought you'd better listen hun. Like everyone else has said that you love your gf sooo much and have something alot of us don't have which is a true love with your first true love. Congratulations on that.
As you are both unsure of the paternity of the baby you don't know the baby isn't your biological baby. But what if it is??? You will regret not being involved from the start for the rest of your life. If you do get involved and the baby isn't yours, at least you can say you are a part of the babies life from the beginning anyway and there is plenty of time to have another baby you know will be yours. Your gf is probably feeling so crap about the situation and is prob blaming herself!!. I also sympothise with you as you are in a right pickle.
Until you know try to enjoy this amazing creation in your gf's tum. Its amazing for anyone involved. xx

as a woman i relly think you should support her whether the babys yours or not,if your not getting involved now and you do wen the babys born it will make her feel like trash, if you love her as much as you say you do stay with her wen the babys born if its not yours... she will realy need your help and so will the little one. i no its hard but just follow your heart not your head. good luck katie xx

Hi Anthony,

You have the most difficult decision to make and all anyone can offer you here is their opinion, that doesn't mean it will be right for you.

I have recently had a very difficult decision to make, on a scale of difficult decisions I'd put mine right at the top, but slightly behind yours.

This is how I came to my decision..........

I decided for myself and realised that others don't know your inner most thoughts and feelings and are therefore not able to tell you what the right choice for you is.

I think you need to put aside what other people will think, say or how they will judge you, whatever you decide, you really need to think what is best FOR YOU.

If you make the decision to stay for example, but you made that decision for the wrong reasons then you won't be supportive enough for your g/f and the baby anyway. You can't make others happy unless you are happy yourslef (even though it sounds selfish, it's true).

Put every other thought and worry aside and think what you really want. That will be the right decision.

I even spoke to a counsellor about my choice because although they can't tell you what to do, they can help you get down right to your inner most honest feelings. Maybe that will help.

Keep talking openly and honestly to your g/f about everything too, it will help you to understand each others thoughts and fears.

The only two personal opinions I would like to add is that it's not easy and often you meet someone you love so much and just also consider how you would feel if you did leave and the baby was yours.

My b/f said:

If he really knows that she is 'the one' then I reckon he should support her fully from right now.

All in all I think he should stay where he is and if it makes him feel any better ask if they can have a test done after the baby is born to confirm who the father is, but ensure his girlfriend is fully aware that NO MATTER what the result, he is going to continue to be there for her and look after her and their family.

Good luck.

I would just like 2 say thank you 2 every1 4 ur thoughts, i rly appreciate it. The babys due 28th sept so just over a month to go. Well so far i've stuck by my g/f but i haven't told her weather im going to stay or not if the babys not mine coz I don't want to get her hopes up n then ruin them. However wot i believe and wot I have told her is that i can't make a decision about n e thing now. I can't say yes i'll stay or no i won't until im in the situation which my g/f thinks is fair coz i dnt kno how i will feel. My m8's were also sayin that they think there's no right or wrong answer about staying or leaving, I've been with her for so long now that nobody would question me staying but at the same time if I left, it could also be understandable. (And i would just like to clarify that when i say leave i dnt mean disappear and never spk 2 her again, my girl is my best friend and I will support her just as her friends and family do, i just don't think i can handle a being in the relationship) We will just have to wait and see! Although i have to admit, either way, im very excited.:D

good luck and take care browse27. katie xx