after telling my 'loving fiance' that i was 5 weeks pregnant he gave me the ultimatum get rid of it or he leaves me and our 2 year old. he was absolutely furious and has always regreted having the child we already have.i know he wont change his mind. i dont know what to do,i dont have any family to talk to and all his family hate me!!! x x

Hi Hun,

I would do whatever feels right for yourself how selfish of him to say that.

Hope everything goes ok. Let us konw xxxxxxxxx

oh hun, what an awful possition he has put you in. you must be feeling so alone right now. how nasty of him to feel that way about the child he already has let alone the unborn one. you need to have a think about the future and your relationship with him. i.e if you did have the abortion is it what you BOTH want? or would you hate him for it and not be able to forgive him? is there any possibility he may be just in shock at the moment and maybe come round at the idea? he may just need time to adjust to the news
hope things work out for you how you want it to...good luck hun!
Caz x x

aww huni that sounds awful, i cant believe he would say that!
at the end of the day its your desicion, do you really want to be with someone who makes u make these kind of desicions and would you be able to cope on your own? like caz said, will it cause u to hate him if he makes u have an abortion as that make cause even more problems? i hope things work out and we are all here for you if u need us xxx

hi hunni, i have to say i agree with hannah & tegan, do you really want to be with someone like that? And how will you feel if you abort because of him? I dont want to be very negative but to tell you there was a thread a few weeks ago from someone in the same situation, they aborted then hubby left anyway....You do what feels right, remember you are your own person and dont 'need' him, i'm sure you are a fantastic mum with or without him and think you should follow your heart and do what you think is best for yourself and your unborn child (as well as child you already got). We're all here to talk to at any time whatever you choose to do xxx

my oh done this to me and i had an abortion a few years ago. i regret it and cry about it alot sometimes. his behaviour has only got worse. i wish id never had an abortion. dont do it, dont let that scumbag force you into ending the life of your 2nd beautiful baby. be strong x x x

I'm so sorry you've been put in a situation like this.
I think you need to talk it through properly with someone else, like your GP. He/she will have to keep your conversation confidential and it'll help you to talk about any pent-up feelings you have with someone who's not biased to either side. If necessary, your GP may refer you to a counsellor who's specially trained in helping people deal with abortion issues.
I wish you all the luck in world with whichever decision you make x

hi babe what a pig !!! i agree with everything the girls have said but i would just like to add if he really doesn't want kids why did he not have a vasectomy??? it takes two to make a baby so he sould have thought of that before he had the fun!!!
if you want to keep it remind him of that
goog luck babe we are always here no matter what
fea x

no.no.no ultimatums never work. how did you feel about being pregnant before you told him? dont let what he says influence your decision, im not speaking from experience but i would hate for you to abort and then let the guilt eat away at you for years to come and end up hating oh for making you do it. you say he regrets your 1st, does he let it show, that would be awful growing up knowing your daddy hates you.. personally assuming you know whether you want this baby or not i would actually be spending my time deciding if i wanted to marry a man like that and not about abortion. it would be much easier to decide not to marry, than have to go through a divorce.if thats what you think is likely....... does he always use the 'that or me but not both' line, be careful and that i do know about.
good luck and i hope you make a decision for you and your family that leaves you with no doubts

Abortions can totally rip apart relationships, especially if one partner wanted the child, and the other didn't. Trust me.
Talk to him, though. TALK to him. If he's still making you choose, then it's wrong of him, and personally I think he doesn't deserve you or a family.

Sorry your in such a dreadful position, I would say he doesnt deserve your love if he wants to abort the baby you two made together, perhaps if he felt so strongly he should have had the snip!

You must choose whats best for you, you should not do anything if it is against what you believe or think is right as you will never forgive him or yourself for letting him persuade you.

I hope you have the strength to make the dicision thats right for you as being a single parent is hard (but so rewarding) and abortion is a life changing event that can never be undone so if he means what he says either option that is left for you is going to case some heartache it just depends which one you feel will be best for you.

thats awful, sorry to hear ur in this situation, like the other girls have said only u can decide. i can tell u what i wud do in the situation. id tell him to do one! me and my fella have bin together 6 years married 4 3.. and if i fell pregnant again and he said that to me id say fine go get lost! prob not be so nice about it though!! oh and i agree if he didnt want kids he shud either have the snip or cover it up!

i hope u come to the right decision hun, whatever feels right 4 u. one thing i will say is will ur relationship ever b the same again if u have an abortion hanging over you...
here if u want to chat
Xxx

omg what a tw*t, sorry hun but why on earth would you want to marry a man that doesn't want the child you've already got?
you must do whats right for you, speak to your hv or doc there will be support groups nearby if you have no-one else to talk to

take care xx

Hi just want to add my support.i agree with what everyone else as said,i cant believe this guy would walk away from you.your unborn child and the child you two already have if you do not do as he asks....that alone would make me question staying with someone so cruel!BUT i would say talk to him it just may be nerves and shock on his part and he may come around to the idea but it still really doesnt excuse what he has said does it?I had a termination 7yrs ago,i made the decision as at the time it was the right thing for me,no one tried to influence me so i dont know how that is but please do what is right for you,dont do it to keep this man,will he really stick around anyway?an abortion isnt easy and can really effect some people and as you are not sure i wouldnt rush into any decision,talk to a doctor or someone like that if you have no family to talk to im thinking of you but be strong and do what is in your heart

-You took the words right out of my mouth there brodiesmum - what an absolute tw*t and may i just add w*nk*r and f*ckwit to the list. What kind of a man does that - no man worth his salt in my opinion!!!. How can he regret having the child you already have and put you in such a difficult position. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with this kind of man. I understand that you must feel alone and distressed but this has to be your decision at the end of the day and it has to be one you can live with for the rest of your life. He dosn't sound very supportive and very selfish. Think carefully and be strong xxxxxxxxxxx

hi hun...mirroring everyone else...think about how you felt before you told him...if you want this baby...you go ahead with or without him.
to give you an ultimatum like that...there's no way he can love you hunny...and to regret having a child you already have...he's not worthy to call himself a father anyway and i think you and your children would be better off without him.
i understand you would be scared of being on your own if you have no family...but i'm sure you have some good friends that would stick by adn help you....adn you also have all of us for your moral support.
i'm a 'new' single mum, found it scary at 1st but you get used to it and i actually find my life so much easier now.
really think hard if you want the baby and if you want to be with someone who puts you in this situation in the 1st place...then think about how you will cope after.
everything will turn out well for you as long as you are true to yourself and put yourself and your children 1st.
good luck hunny, i'm thinking of you.
xxx

Im sorry to tell you but on this topic I am way to opinionated for my own good.
I would pack his bags for him and tell him not to bother me again, it's not good for your two year old either to grow up with a father that regrets the fact that they were born as kids always pick up on these things.
No man has the right to make an ultimatum like that, its nothing more than emotional blackmail, wether or not to keep the baby is something you should talk about together not something that is forced on you.

I'm so sorry you've been put in this position. Maybe this question could help clarify how you feel: Can you really live with yourself if you have an abortion? - and if you think you can, will you still have a single scrap or respect or love left for the man who forced you to do it?

If you can reply yes to both things then there's a decision there for you to make, but the very fact you're posting asking for advice on this makes makes me think that your answer to one or both questions is no. If that's the case the answer HAS to be: get yourself, your little one and your bean away from that man - he can't love any of you if he's serious about what he says. There are people out there who can help you do this if you really want to. GOOD LUCK - no one, no one should be put in this position.

what a TOTAL PRICK!!!

it take two to make a baby and if he didnt want kids in the first place he should have had the snip or wore a bloody comdom.
to me hun you are better of without him,how can this man tell the women who he married and loves to kid rid of her baby,fair enough he can say how he feels but to say i will leave if you dont get rid of it is a nasty and twisted thing to say or do.
its your body and life and to be honest why are you with this man? if he really loved you, he would support you no matter what,ive been in the same way and the guy never said he would leave me but he made it clear he didnt want the baby and wanted me all to himself!! well im now 30 weeks pregnant with his baby and walked out on him,i want my baby and nothink will stop me,not even the bloke i really love.
At the end of the day only you no whats right deep down but dont let him tell you what you can and cant do,its your life and your baby.
Good luck xx

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hi. dont do anything rash until you figure out how you feel and thats your decision not his. you may end up regreting and resenting him and then it wont last anyway but he sounds selfish. does your daughter know how he feels towards her? you may feel you cant cope being a single mum but there are plenty of mums who do cope alone and babys bring alot of joy. do whats in your best interest and not his. just think though before planning a future with this guy cause love can make you blimd nutil its too late. please dont rush to get rid. you have plenty of time to explore your feelings and if he goes thats his loss. shows what he feels for you and the daughter which doesnt sound alot. my advice- find someone nicer who treats you better.

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Couldn't have put it better myself, amazing answer!!! Aw huni HUGS!!

XXXXXX