well ill try and keep this short as poss' . me and my sister have not seen our dad for 10 years coz he got very nasty when he was devorcing my mum (ie telling my sister that he was not her dad and blaming me for the devorce. there is loads more but i wont go on about that ). anyway since he left home our uncle d, uncle s and auntie j have had no contact coz thay were on my dads side. well that was until they found out how nasty he could be and they also ended contact with him. so we have had no contact with them for 10 years. well 2 weeks ago they got in touch with my sister and meet up and all went well. my mum phoned me last night and told me about this coz i didnt know that it had happened and she also told me the the rest of the family ( my mum, my brother and me and my kids )had be invited to meet up with them next time. i said that i would think about it but no i not taking my kids. my mum got upset and said that my sister took her daughter. so i had to explain that uncle d, uncle s and auntie j are strangers really coz i had no contact for 10 years and plus my kids have all ready lost 4 family members (on my oh side of the family) due to them forgeting there birthdays and xmas 4 time in a row( they didnt even phone to see if they had a good time). and that i didnt want to put them trouh that again. i dont know what to do do i A) forgive them for abanding us for 10 years and try and build a relationship with them or B) forget them coz ive coped without them and again they did let us down by not being there for us when we needed them the most ?

well if you scroll down a few threads i had a similar situation with a long lost dad a few weeks ago. I am now in regular contact and i honestly think people can change but its very much up to you if you a) want to and b) think that you will be able to cope with however the situation could possibly turn out. I do agree however about not taking kids, you are right they are strangers and you wouldnt just take your kids to meet some random stranger off the street now would you. i said that about my dad, when we do meet up- we havent yet, but my baby will be safely at home with his daddy. I think you should wait until you know them well enough to be able to trust your own intincts as to whether or not you want to introduce your children.
sorry i'm not a big help...but hope you work it out xxxx

thanks for the replie newmummylovesharry. and your honisty with points a and b have helped as its made me realise that they ov' want to try and build a realionship coz they have got in contact. and that i need to do abit of soul serching and see what it is that i want. i hope your first meeting with your dad goes well (when you choose for it to happen). thanks again x.

well i doubt we'll be meeting for a while, but the fact that he came looking is what made me reply to him, but i wont lie. I've had to do lots of soul searching too and i was very young when i saw him last so it brought with it so many tears for what i missed, things i cant remember, knowing i have a whole new part to my family that i know nothing of but they know so much about me...it really is emotional, so it will help if you have some support, someone to talk to and cry to...my oh was not very good lol, i've been taking it very slowly, found him on facebook so i can put a face to fuzzy memories and a voice i've now spoken to on the phone, only the once but i get very nervous. I'd just recommend taking it slowly...thats helping me deal with things...xxx

I would try talking to them babe, i cant have been easy for them either to not contact you for so meany years, its never easy to take sides when it come to family, i went through a lot when i was little and was adopted all because of a vindictive spitfull b*tch or the woman comanly known as my birth monther.
When got older and had my son i soon relised that they dont deserve to miss out on family, i am now in constant contact with my birth mums mum, and 2 sister but not with her, they never done anything wrong and shouldnt be punished for her mistakes, thankfully its a little easier as non of them speak to her eather.

When the kids are involved you need to let them know exactly where it is that you stand, and tell them that when it comes to your kids nothing but full time it excepted, they let them down so much as once and there will be no second chances x