Well, I went to see the gynae today regarding my perineal issues and it would seem things are worse than we realised. Doctor said it's not the worst injury he's ever seen but it's up there with the worst! He was very apologetic that most of it wasn't picked up on after the birth and dealt with properly at the time!
Not only do I have the superficial issue with the skin tear, but the muscles in the back vaginal wall have not healed and all but degenerated now. This requires surgery that will be a cut in the rear wall of the vagina and ends of the remaining muscle stretched and stitched together. This is apparently a day case under GA so can't be done until after I'm fibished bf.
But unfortunately the worst of it is, apparently when they were stitching after the birth they missed a lot of damage to the muscle around the back passage, they classed my tear as 2nd degree, but turns out it was 3rd degree and I should have had surgery following labour! Because of this I have lost a lot of the muscle at the top of the anus and needs fairly major reconstructive surgery that has to be done by a specialist at addenbrooks, probably a week in hospital!
They won't do anything until after bf, they won't do any reparatory work at all if I plan on having more vaginal births as that would probably undo the repairs they make. The gynae would strongly suggest though that I don't have any further vaginal deliveries as they may result in further damage to the back passage which could cause incontinence. So he's has pretty much said that any further babies will result in c-section. He also said that it's possible that I had gestational diabetes during the pregnancy and I would have to be consultant led in my next pregnancy, have the diabetes test and lots of growth scans!
Oh and I have to go to physio to get help working on my pelvic floors because it would appear that the birth has resulted in a lot of nerve damage to my bladder, so whilst I don't suffer from stress incontinence, I am struggling with what is called urge incontinence, which means that the bladder doesn't tell me it's full until the last minute so I need to really build up my pelvic floors to help combat this!
Basically in a word my downstairs area is buggered!
Not alot I can do but remain positive and know that in a years time I will be fully fixed, as much as I don't like the idea of a section after having such a wonderful labour this time around, I know that next time this is the most sensible thing for my body to avoid long term problems. Just means that I will never get to have that bloody home birth!!!!
Oh the joys of having a massive baby!!! C'est la vie! At least I have a lovely baby boy I suppose!

<!-- start: themes/yyw/modules/xarbb/user-modifiedby.xt -->
[Modified by: lindsayh on 16 May 2008 18:40:45 ]<!-- end: themes/yyw/modules/xarbb/user-modifiedby.xt -->

Oh Lins, I am so sorry to hear this. Must have been a shock for you. What a cock up that has been made all round really. So it sounds like he thinks you had diabetes even tho the tests you had showed not? Like you say at least you have Henry and he got here safely, but does sound like c-sectio is best next time cos you wouldn't want to go through all this again would you. I'm guessing the home birth was never meant to be, but at least you had a good labour and birth this time so not all bad hun. Shame you have to wait so long to get sorted, tho I understand why.

I guess it explains the bedroom situation the other night better tho, and i am sure it will improve for you.

better get tightening those pelvic floors - think you're in for a workout!

how long before you can start the physio?

Take care hun, and try to stay upbeat. it happened for a reason and that reason is your gourgous boy!

Lara xx

It was a bit of a shocker, I wasn't expecting it to be quite as bad as he said, he intimated to the fact that I probably had cause to make a formal complaint but I just don't know if I can be bothered with it tbh!
I didn't have the diabetes test this time around, no one picked up the fact that Henry was a big boy at all, even the scan I had 3 days before he was delivered they estimated the weight to be 9lbs so they were a fair way off!
It does explain the bedroom situation, he said that the lack of sensation and general gaping is because of the lack of muscle and that is the main reason for the reconstruction of the vagina.
No it doesn't seem that it is meant to be, but like you say, despite all of this I still really enjoyed my labour and birth with Henry and I'm pleased that I have at least had the opportunity to experience a natural birth.
He's sent referral to the physio for me and I should get in to see her in a month at most I would imagine, she's great, it's the same physio I saw for my SPD so I know her.
At present I just have to get on with things as normal and keep tightening the pelvic floors!
I'm ok, I'm upset about the fact that any further kids will be delivered by section, but I am pragmatic enough to know that it doesn't matter how they arrive as long as we are both ok!

wow thats some major tearage you must have had soo much pain after the birth. hoipe everything goes ok for you
sending lots of hugs

Sorry things weren't good. Hope you can get it sorted ok. Don't worry about sections...a section is fine I really didn't want a section and was crying as they were taking me down but now I'm just glad my bits are still intact!

Ahh Lins thats pretty gruesome for you. No wonder things werent right in the bedroom dept! You must be such a brave and strong person to have got through this as far as you have and still be so upbeat and positive. Good for you to keep with the PMA! I too think you have cause for a complaint as you should never have been left to deliver such a large baby. As you so rightly say the fact he here and safe is more important and I too really could not be bothered. You should have at the very least had a episiotomy but not sure if that would have saved you all this! I was sad to have Amelia by section but knew it was for her and my safety so it sort of puts it into perspective. You would be too scared to push if you have a natural delivery and it would cause too many problems for you. a section is fine and TBH you were probably in as much pain down under as you would be from the section scar.
I really hope you get it all sorted when the time is right. Remember though you can have a satisfying love life without full intercourse. Lots of experiementing and fun on the way!!! Sould like you both have a lovely relationship and that will get you through the tough times ahead. Take care and get squeezing....up the lift..down the lift lol

d x

Yeah I guess it does explain my post about how things were different. OH keeps trying to tell me that he still had fun etc and that he really hopes that this new news won't put me off!
I am struggling with this one to be honest, it feels like the straw that broke the camels back. When I think about everything else this pregnancy and birth has thrown at me, the bleeding at the beginning, the SPD, the major overdue-ness, not having the home birth, having to be induced, tearing, getting infected, the post partum heammorage, becoming aneamic, tough time with bf at the beginning, not healing down below etc, I kinda feel like I've been through enough and I really didn't deserve this final blow. I've managed to deal with everything else and take it in my stride, I just keep now thinking what if. What if I hadn't been made to change position to push (they made me turn on to my back which makes you push through the perinuem and increases chances of tearing), what if I hadn't been made push harder and give one more push on every contraction (up until then I was practicing the hypno birthing techniques and breathing the baby out), what if the midwife that did my suturing had gotten an gynae to check me before she did all of the suturing, what if she'd done a better job of the suturing in the first place, what if the midwives on the ward had listened to me when I told them I thought the stitches had burst etc...
Sorry, it's no use to think like that, and I really am trying to keep my chin up, it's just the thought of having to make the decision for all future babies to be born by section breaks my heart. I know that a lot of you have experienced it and it's by no means anyone's ideal, but it is so incredibly far removed from what I was hoping for it just feels unfair.
Dee I think you have a point, perhaps if I did go on to have further vaginal deliveries I would be scared to push, but it seems silly doesn't it, in order to avoid the risk of perineal damage I have to agree to major abdominal surgery instead!!
Sorry all, I've really gone on, I must stop moaning about it!! At least I have a lovely healthy baby boy!!!
x

Oh linsday! It's hard wondering the what ifs. Although my birth expreience went so incredibly wrong at least I had agood outcome as far as healing is concerned. I do agree with you really about a section. I was robbed of seeing my boy born and I will probably never experience it with future births just like you. A section really isn't the same and I suppose when you have an emergency section you greive for the birth experience you've lost. At the same time, it is best not to risk damaging you anymore and concentrate on what's important- looking after your boy and in the future meeting your new babies, however many you have. I suppose we have to focus on the end result rather than the journey.

Chin up, I hope you feel a little better about it all soon and please don't feel guilty or ponder on the what ifs of your birth experience... what's happened has happened. I've had to do that too.

Hi Lindsay,
Sorry to hear you've been having a rotten time. Try not to dwell too much on the future and carry on enjoying your lovely son. They grow up so fast! I can understand how you must feel after such a special experience but don't let it put you off having more children. I've never had a c-section but everyone has been mostly positive on here, so that's something to bear in mind.
Hope you feel better about things soon,
Nik xx

Hi lindsay,
I am so sorry for you what you have been through and for the surgery you have to have. I felt bad enough after a first degree tear and grazes and that is nothing to what you have had.
hugs to you and lo,
mary xxx

Hi Lins! I'm so sorry to read about this. I must say, I had no idea that giving birth would be as completely undignified as it was. It's all still dragging on for you in some ways as things still need to repair.

We still haven't had sex 11 weeks on. We tried to about a month ago and it absolutely killed. I'm worried now that maybe I haven't healed properly either. I have stitches for grazes but the little blighter had really long fingernails and his hand was up against his face so he dug into me all the way out. Ow, ow, ow!

Anyway, enough about me. Take care honey and big hugs x x x