I have a little girl who is just 6 months old and i have been thinking of having a second one and maybe getting pregnant at the end of the year anyone got advice on the best time or how far apart in ages if i get pregnant at the end of the year Aoife will be 2 by then. Is it a good gap or wait a little longer.

i am still pregnant with my 1st (due july 08) but oh and i have also discussed trying for the next baby just before christmas.
i will be interested too in any replies to this.xxx

personally i waited til the first had started nursery so i have a 3 and a half year gap between mine. i think it's easier when your first can have some time to themselves and you get time with the baby and to have a rest. although i know lots of people want a smaller gap between children it must be so much hard work! good luck with whatever you decide :-)

p.s it may not happen the way you plan it to!

Well I found out i was pregnant with my youngest a few days after my eldests first birthday, and where i was in routine with my eldest my youngest did slip into it and it worked well they are now a little older and have alovely relationship with one another they can argue over toys sometimes but thats quite normal! I am now pregnant with third and found out i was expecting this one a few days after my youngests first birthday so there will be the same age gap this time round. I am hoping that the bond will be as strong with this one.

Also from my point of view doing it this way I am able to stay at home with them all and there was no need to stop and start work fro maternity leave each time. I play to return to work when all 3 are at school.

I think my best advice is to do whats best for you, dont listen to others opinions around you of oh you might not cope or it will be harder because obviously you know it may be more difficult but you will know in your own heart what you wnat to do. My oh family were like this with us asking how we were going to cope but considering we only see them once in a blue moon they know nothing.

Hope this makes sense.

Good luck xxxx

Thank you that helps alot i think i would rather have a smaller gap and my husband is really great with Aoife and around he looked after me well with the first one so i expect more of the same with the second. I am planning to try after her 1st birthday and hopefully the next baby will be as good as this one. thank you for your help:\)

Hi, unlike the others i have a 5 year age gap between my 2, simply because i have noticed a lot of my cousins who are very young and have a 1-3 yr age gap tend to fight alot..

I gave up work when i fell pregnant with my first and I wanted to give him my undivided attention for the first 5 years before he went into full-time school and now he is in year 1 and I have my second, my oldest child doesn't feel left out because he doesn't see me with the baby and the baby will also get my undivided attention too because his brother is at school.

Also, this works for me, because as my oldest son is that little bit much older he doesn't feel the jealousy as he is able to think now and is very caring and protective of his little bro and is a great help with him.

I don't think I would have the energy to run around after 2 demanding kids especially out the house so this works brilliant for me...

I don't think there really is "a good age gap", it's what feels natural to you. Factors to think about as well is financially, can you afford another so soon? Do you have to work? etc

Daisy was 19months when Louie was born (he's now 8 weeks) and its hard work but I think it'll be easier when they are older as they'll have the same friends and be close (here's hoping!!!) but I need a double buggy as she wouldn't stay on a buggy board and 2 cotbeds as Louie is growing out of his Moses basket and Daisy too young for a bed, also coincides with the terrible twos but Daisy would probably have tantrums anyway??? so whenever right for you I say!

hi. my first baby was 10 months old when we planned and fell pregnant with our 2nd baby. our eldest was 18 months old whe he was born. i now have 5 kids and all range from nearly 9 years to 9 months of age, born in 1999, 2000, 2003, 2005 and 2007. so all close together. i wouldn't have it any other way. i would love no 6. xxx

My god pen you are soooooooo brave, i wish i was that brave. Havin my only son Now 8 & a half months has distroyed my body! lol!!!

I darent have another til ive sorted it out!!! hahaha.

I would love another though, but im not that brave yet!

xxx

Hi there is 20 months between my oldest 2 and it is great. I'm sure it was a bit stressful at times when they were young but I honestly don't remember it being that bad at all. They are both boys so I don't know if that makes a difference but they are so close and protective of each other. OK they fight every now and then but soon sort it out between themselves. There are 4 lots of siblings in my older sons class (year 2)with younger brothers or sisters in my younger sons class (reception) and they all seem to get on well with each other. I also believe that my 2nd son is doing so well at school because he is not too far behind my oldest.
lisalisa - I had the same problem as you and had to buy another cot. It will get easier soon and I am sure your 2 will be close too.
There is 4 years difference between my nephew and his baby brother and he absolutely loves playing with my boys when we go and stay. When we leave and are driving home with my 2 chatting and playing together I am always glad that they have each other. However, I do know that others prefer a longer gap or some don't even have that choice - I planned a 3rd so that there wouldn't be that big a gap again but then had 2 miscarriages before my daughter was born 2 months after my 2nd sons 4th birthday. As it has turned out it is pretty perfect as the boys adore their little sister, have the patience to play with her and also have each other to play with whilst I am busy with lo. xx

Hi , as some people have said before, is there really a 'right' age gap? My eldest was 2yrs 4mths when my lo was born and we are now starting to see how lovely the age gap is, they are close enough to play well together and my lo (now nearly 1) really adores his bro. This could happen at any age tho i am sure. I would like another baby but plan to start to try around July/August time so my eldest will be at school when I go back to work, as there is no way we can afford nursery fees for 3 kids!! I have a sister 7 yrs older than me and used to struggled with the age gap because everyone expects the younger one to be grown up to. Also people used to think she was my mum!! Now we are both older it does not make that much difference.
At the end of the day as long as the children are loved and well looked after the gap should not really be a problem. I guess there will always be pros and cons with all.

I do not think there is a right time it is when you and oh feel the time is right. There will be a 7 yr gap with my 2. I have realy enjoyed my time with my son it just being us as a family of 3 and he will be old enough to understand when the baby needs me he is also really excited about being a big brother. I have alot of friends and also my sister who had them close together and all they do is fight plus the older ones got jealous because they were to young to understand that mummy had another baby.
It is a choice only you can make.

Anita x

my little boy is 3 years old, but as he lives with his dad, i feel i am not really qualified to answer this question ! [second baby with boyfriend of 1 year 6 months due on 22nd July 2008]

however. i will tell you about my family. i am the eldest of 5 girls.

me: 21
bekki: 19
rachel: 16
annie & billie: 11 [identical twin girls]

now, annie and billie are my half sisters. so when my mum married my step dad, if she hadnt let him talk her into more babies, she would be able to do whatever she wants now, pretty much have her life to herself.

thats my opinion: i was 10 years old when the twins were born, and i feel this is a massive gap between oldest and youngest. with my step sisters and brothers thrown in, my sibling tree looks like this:

rebecca: 29 [step dads daughter with 1st wife]
ben: 27 [step dads son with 1st wife]
tom: 23 [step dads son with 1st wife]
me: 21
bekki: 19 [my mum & dad]
steven: 18 [step mums son]
charlie: 16 [step dads daughter with ex girlfriend]
rachel: 16 [my mum & dad]
rosie: 13 [step mums daughter]
annie & billie: 11 [mum &step dad]

soo..... yeah ! so between rebecca [step dads oldest] and annie & billie, step dads youngest there are 18 YEARS ! which is even bigger!

my relationships with my siblings vary greatly: rebecca & tom i see nearly every week, bekki & ben i havent seen since xmas, rachel spends fri-sun once a month with me, charlie lives in london, steven and rosie i havent seen since xmas and same with annie and billie.

my boyfriend would like another baby straight away, ie start trying when baby is 6 months old, but as i got pregnant with my children whilst on the injection, its not like it will take me ages to get pregnant ! for me, the decision rests on 2 things:

1. Can we afford another baby straight away?
- Moving to a bigger house = more rent, higher bills
- Me not working, so no second wage or maternity pay/allowance
- If one is a gir, and one a boy, new clothes etc.

2. Will I cope?
- I have suffered with depression on and off since i was 16.
- Had severe PND after my 3 year old boy was born.

Other things my mum and other people have told me to consider are:

1. If child is school age, and baby is new born
- Will have to get up early and actually dress myself to take child to
school and pick child up
+ Child will be at school so newborn has my undivided attention
during school hours

2. If child is toddler and have a new born
+ No having to get up at the crack of dawn after no sleep to make
myself look human and get the kid to school
- Cant nap when newborn naps as have a toddler to amuse !

So there are pros and cons and honestly I could go on listing them but i could just bore you all !

i will say this tho: i love all my siblings and without them i honestly dont know what i would do without them, the younger ones make me laugh cos theyre so stupid, the teenage ones make me laugh with their 'crisises' which arent actually, the older ones support me and are always there for me. i am never alone. and tho when i was a kid that used to drive me mad, now as i get older i really appreciate every single one of them.

i would love a massive family but its finances that decide one way or the other.

hiya i personally think its a feeling that we all get, wouldn't it be nice to have another baby! but reality hits and its not a great idea lol - i get really jealous when friends sya there pregnant, my friend had her baby yesterday and i was so jealous buthappy for her if you know what i mean!

I do want another baby (lewis is 10 month) but am going to wait till he is about 2 or 3, am on the injection so will probably come off it around his second birthday!

I say enjoy your first baby for awhile!

Hi there

I personally would want a 2.5-3 year gap. I do really feel i would like another baby now, truly i do and could quite easily.

but......... i look after my nephew 2 days a week and he is 2.5yrs and my lo is 10months and it is hard work and i dont feel that i get any quality time to spend with either of them indivdually and i want to be able to do that, enjoy my little one. so i thought that if it was around the 2.5-3 year gap at least then at that age they are more independent and i have been able to spend quality time with the first but then on the second be able to the same whilst the 1st lo is at nursery or even helping me with the 2nd so they still feel involved but having a smaller gap doesnt really allow you to do this.

Having said that you should do what feels right for you and you oh.

xx

hello, my first child is 2 years 5 months and my second is 18 weeks, i think 2 years is a really good age gap, althought it may be hard for us at times it will be so worth it when they can play together and have their fights!

Hi, i don`t know if there is a right time or age to have a second baby or not.

My daughter is 3 at the moment, 4 in october. we are starting trying for a new baby in the next month, i am hoping that i will fall pg within the next 5 months, then the baby will be due between January and June ish. This way i get to spend the summer with my daughter and the new baby and then my daughter will start school full time in the september, and i will get a bit of one to one time with the new baby in the day.

I think that at the moment my daughter is at a good age to introduce a new baby. She will have had 4 good years being on her own with us and being the only grandchild on both sides. So she has had loads of attention and love. She is not a baby herself anymore and she is quite independant, but she is still young enough to get excited about a new sibling and want to help out.

That is the plan anyway!!

Nina x
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Hi,

What's the right time? Is there one?
You must do what feels right for you, My daughter will only be 18months old when her sister arrives and to tell you the truth I'm slightly stressing how I will cope with a newborn & toddler.. but also feeling so lucky & excited.
Good luck with whatever you decide
Ell
x

omg right time.
I'm always the one in my 'big crazy irish family' (I'm an only child so I mean cousins and so on) who stands there supporting my cousins who have another child because there is NO right time. If you weigh up your options....as I've been doing lately you'll never have another. I had a scare the other day (I mean a scare asin I didn't think I could aford it, didn't know what my business partners would say- they're my parents, didn't know if we had anough room or energy, didn't know if we could share our love), after doing a test and discovering it was negative I decided to tell my husband and my mum how I felt. Hubs was great said he'd love another and we've got plenty of love to go around.......money we find!!! My mum had a real heart to heart and told me that she waited until she thought it would be right , until she hought she had time, money, patience etc etc...and discovered she'd left it too long and couldn't have another....she didn't want this for me and knew that deep down I want more children I just worry what others think. My lil one is 18 months and we're not trying as we're just putting some money by, but I'm definitely going to try not to over think it when we do try. If people don't like it....tough....and as for financially......we both have good jobs, have our own house and a great nursery that our daughter goes to....there's nothing else to say but we'll cope......money adjusts!!
Good luck with your decision.....for all my speech I'll probably be posting the same topic in six months time!!!lol
xx

my daughter is slmost 3 and we have just started trying for another. our main reasons were that we wanted to get married first,which we have done and buy a new house,which we have done now and make sure both our money was surcure,which is done enough to get by (in the way that once you havr kids you do 'get by' cos you have to,by no way do i mean rich or lots of savings ect) so we are going for it. anyway daughter will be at at least 3 years and 9 months (probably older at this rate!) by the time we have another and she has had us all toherself and she is now asking for someone to play with so its sort of like a family desicion,lol. anyway i did want another when lo was 3 months so i dont think there is a perfect time just pros and cons to it either way.

Hi all
I've just been reading through other comments on this topic, and thought I would share my views:
I have 14 months between my first 2. My girl turned 3 in April and my boy 2 in June. Although they are very close in age, I think in a few years time this will be a great advantage - they'll only be one school year apart. I am also 37 weeks pregnant, so will have 2 years and 2 months between babies 2 & 3. Both my second and third pregnancies have been complete accidents!!!
Things I found difficult:
Trying to breastfeed baby, feed my 14 month old and myself all at the same time!
Having to buy another cotbed, car seat, double buggy.
You're looking after 2 babies at once, but they are at different stages (if that makes sense??)
Things I found easy:
You haven't got out of 'baby mode' already!!

At the moment, it's really hard as they fight like cat and dog one minute and are best friends the next. Then again, I'm sure most siblings are like that.
My 2 best friends have done it completely differently - one had twins and the other has a 3 1/2 year age gap between her 2.
Of my friends and me, I think that I've had it hardest so far. With the twins at least they were doing the same things at the same time, and with my other friend, her oldest has been able to help out alot and is also at pre-school.
Whatever the decision, there will be pros and cons either way.
Karen.x