ive just had a 1 in 20 chance result 4 downs and im terrified lots of choices but which way do i go?

sorry to hear your results sharron, If I were you I would get all the information available and look at all your options and look at what you want and what is best for you and your family hun.
also try not to worry ((easier said than done I know)) plenty of children have down's syndrome and live a normal life
hope your ok and if you need to chat were all here hun xx

thanx 4 replyin x x evry1 is tryin t help but my head is all over such a difficult decision to make

I know, they do they try an tell you what is best and what you should be doing rather then asking what you want if you see what I mean?
I even had my mum saying I shouldn't have anymore children after jessica my 2nd now on my fourth so that advise didn't go far ha ha xx

glad i remembered id joined baby expert havin sum1s advice who doesnt no u personally is sometimes easier. wil u b avin anymore or is 4 enuff x x

oh god I'd honestly never stop! but andy doesn't want anymore which I respect we are gonna have four kids so think it may be enough although I am already wondering how I will keep my broodiness under control :lol:
I love this site for that reason I can on an on an on with myself and yet everyone listens to me ((if I'm honest god knows why at times ha ha)) but also I have got to know some really nice women on here who do give great advice when I need it.
so how are you have you had a chance to think about things since you found out? do you have other children? xx

sory not ad chance to reply to u. nice pic by the way. this will be my second baby and my other baby wil be 18 in marchxx

Hi Sharron

I know how you are feeling, I'm 38yrs old and had the blood tests for Downs, came back as high risk, I was told at 3.45 one day and told I was to attend for an amnio the next morning. When I got through to the hospital I couldnt go through with the test and risk miscarriage, also scared of the result I would get. Im just waiting now for my 20 week scan to see if there are any soft markers for downs. Everyone tells me to put it out of my mind and not to worry but thats difficult to do. I think the hardest thing is making decisions, I wish now I had not had the blood tests, at the end of the day as an older mum to be I kne I was high risk and whatever would happen would happen, now I feel I have to make a decision based on test results which I dont feel able to do!!

I have read so much information on how unreliable these tests can be - my midwife told me that someone was given a 1:3 risk and the baby was still ok. Also any weightloss or bleeding in pregnancy can vary the result. You have a 1:19 chance of a healthy baby and you need to cling onto that. Hope all goes well for you. Take care.:\)

hiya it is very difficult ive had my 20 week scan and everything looks fine well just have to wait and see i wouldnt have the amnio because of the miscarriage risk and i hope you have as much support as i have from family and friends im not online much but keep me posted on how you are doing take care x x

I'm not sure any of you will check this, but I wanted to let you know that our son is nearly 2 and has down's syndrome. He is an utter joy, we wouldn't change him. Google the down's syndrome association - they give great info and support. We have actually adopted our son, so completely understand that not everyone feels able to cope with a child with a disability. It's very natural to feel shocked, sad and angry but all the parents we know who have children with down's syndrome would not change them for the world, yes there has been a feeling of bereavement - mourning for the child they hoped for or expected but down's syndrome isn't a terrible life sentence I promise!! I hope I've helped relieve some anxiety if you get the chance to read this.

Hi everyone, i just wanted to jump in and say that i used to work with people with downs syndrome and i have to say that there couldnt be nicer, more pleasant and happy people to be around and they are a joy to work with. Not that i would even call it work, they are all fantastic and have their own lives and dont let it stop them doing what they want. They go to work, make their dinner and do their own washing etc. I hope that my little girl [who dosnt have downs] can be as nice and helpful and loving as some of these special people i call my friends. xxx

Hi, I've just given birth to a beautiful baby boy who has been diagnosed with Down's - it is a shock, but you get over it and enjoy being a Mummy just like everyone else!!! We didn't have any of the screening tests, and there were no markers on the 20 week scan - and I'm only 28! - so it's just one of those things!!! You need to decide what is right for you, but it is still your baby, down's or not, and you will still see a lot of yourself in your little one - trust me! x

Sarah & George - 2 weeks and 4 days old!

hiya i just came onto this topic coz i was interested in it!

The thought never crossed my mind that i mite of had a downs baby, but what they say is true, the biggest worry i had was that my baby was going to be born with ginger hair (big deal i know and quite petty) when Lewis was born, i thought he was perfect, he didn't have ginger hair but even if he had i wouldn't of cared!

I work with with a guy that has downs, he is quite bad, he cant speak and he cant do much for himself but he is nice to work with!

Can they not see in the 12 week scan if your baby has downs? - whats your thoughts on it!

me and my partner did speak about it before i landed pregnant and we both decided that i wouldn't carry on with the pregnancy if it had downs or spina bifida, probably made this decision for selfish reasons! but once i landed pregnant it was a totally different conversation and we did think about it again but not for long! i dont know what i would of done, but then i just thought i was only 27 when i fell pregant and if i was carrying a downs baby we would just terminate and then have another one! that sounds quite bad, and selfish but i guess thats what alot of people think!

hi, my son hasn't actually got downs but i was reading this and didn't want to read and run. my son actually appears to be blind at the moment (can't be diagnosed properly until a million and one tests have been done) but i love him more than anything, and yes i had visions of having a seeing boy
( tbh the thought never crossed my mind that he wouldn't) and all the things we could do together etc, but i can honestly say that had i been told whilst pregnant he would be blind (if thats the case) i would still have carried on, children are beautiful no matter what shape or size they come in. i know people feel differently and it may be shock more than anything else that let's your guard down on this matter but i personally decided i didn't care if my baby was downs because i would love him all the same, but, if i was completely honest i think i would be thinking long and hard if i'd been told he was missing limbs!you just don't know til you are in that position. the most important thing is you follow your heart and you do as much research as you need to so that when it comes to it you know it was your decision and there were no unanswered qns or doubts. good luck and take care of yourself

hi you must have a 101 things going round in your head i did i found out last week after 20 week scan that my baby has cleft lip had to go to another hospital for more detailed scan then had to make choice to have amnio, did have it done and things are ok .im sure you will make the right decision it is hard knowing what to do

my auntie is downs and she is now 43 . i never had the test done to c if my baby ad it but i wud have kept him n e way . but it depends on if u can live with it all ur life becoz its not easy x

hi

i have a 30 year old downs sister and yeh their are times but their is with every child..

my sis cannot read,write,count, but can talk walk fairly well and to be honest i wouldnt change her for the world i have her every friday to give my mum a break. my mum was only 22 when she her so a total shock..

i have 5 kids and wouldnt have test with any even tho i was advised too...it wouldnt make any difference to me,so why waste resourses etc?

do what u feel is right its your body your baby...

xx

My last ultra sound, they found calcium in my son's heart. They said it was one of the many signs of downs, and didn't seemed worried at all. They assured me he'd be okay that the calcium usually work its way out by 26 weeks, but I haven't been given another ultra sound since. Come to think of it I've only had 2 ultra sounds.... and I'm 28 weeks.....
Should I be worried?

Hiya,

I don't want to offend anyone but I just wanted to share my thoughts and experiences on Downs with you all.

I have been brought up with kids with Downs and other problems since I was 2yrs old, through my family fostering, a member of my family has also been a teacher at a special needs school for over 25yrs. A member of my family is now in her 30's with Downs. She also has cleft palate, profound hearing problems, thinks that characters in soap operas are real and can often be heard talking to her imaginary friends... how we love her :)

I personally wouldn't have a child with severe mental disabilities but that is my choice. My 2nd baby is due in December and like every parent I pray that it will be healthy but I know in my heart that I couldn't commit myself to care for a person who will have the mentality of a child until I die. Yes mentally disabled people can have a decent quality of life. But most will never get to do the things so often taken for granted. Get married, have kids, go uni take a gap year to travel.... Would I want my child to not have these opportunities NO.

There are a high percentage of children in care with Downs and such disabilities. I think that if you know you are going to have a child with Downs etc you should go to a special needs school and spend the day with the children in their teens and then go to a special needs care home for those who are older and make a descision based on facts it will also give you more of an idea if this is what you want. Don't let people sugar coat having a child with severe disabilities as different people have different capabilities.

Then saying that as a parent I know that love and determination are enough for some parents irregardless of what problems their child has they face it head on together as a team.

Good luck with your desicion. You said you have a one in 20 chance... which also means you could be one of the 19 who have a healthy child.

If you have any questions ...I am here.

xjx

I have just read this last post with great interest. I too had the same thinking about having a disabled child, in that I basically wouldn't cope with the lifelong commitment. My feelings on having a child aborted because of some disability changed while I was pregnant, knowing that I could not kill the child that I had felt wriggling around inside of me. And then, at the age of only 28, I gave birth to a little boy with Down's syndrome, with no pre-natal diagnosis. So what am I supposed to do now? Send him back because he's not the perfect baby we were expecting?
George is now 13 months old. Mentally, he is age appropriate, he's crawling, can say a wide range of speech sounds, is all over the place and has just started walking while holding our hands. He has had the support of not only a Mummy and Daddy who think he is the most amazing thing ever, but lots of professionals who have helped to shape him into the fab little boy he is. We regularly attend groups and things at special schools, and they are the most fantastic places - and as a teacher, that was certainly not my impression before I actually went inside one. I never felt I could teach children with disabilities, yet I am now actively seeking a job in precisely that area.
We are very aware that we have been incredibly lucky with George, in that he does not have any of the major health problems commonly associated with the syndrome. He is developing relatively normally, so much so that some people have actually questioned the diagnosis.
I am quite surprised that as someone who has grown up around people with disabilities that you are really quite negative about them. How do you know how affected a child is going to be from a scan? Can you imagine how we would have felt having George aborted, knowing what we know now? I honestly don't think that you can ever truly say what your reaction would be if faced with the prospect of raising a disabled child, until you are actually in that position yourself - and I don't mean living with them in a foster-type situation, I mean actually giving birth to one. Your own flesh and blood. We have certainly not come up against any of the old stigmas associated with Down's syndrome, and have received so much support sine he was born. If and when I fall pregnant again, I will not have any of the tests done for Down's or any other abnormality. Every child has the right to the best quality of life that they can possibly have, and if that means that their prospects are different from what ever is deemed as 'normal', then so be it. The unselfish love of their parents (which should be the same for any parent) will be enough to give them what they deserve.
I hope that anyone reading your post will be able to see beyond the negative and think of the joy that any child - disabled or not - can bring. And the fact that disabled children have to face such adversity only makes them more special.

Sarah & George (one very special little boy)

Sarah,

My post wasn't negative it was realistic and I mentioned that I personally wouldn't have a child with downs or anything along those levels it doesn't mean it would be an easy task for me or anyone who came to that decision...far from it. I am well aware that there are different levels of mental handicaps. Having your child was the right desicion for you and I am glad you have support and that George has inspired you to train to work within that area. However, like you had the choice to dedicate yourself to raising a child long term I take my right not to do that. You say about having a child has a right to a good quality of life irregardless if opportunities are different and so be it but that is easy to say as a parent of a child with disabilities. It however could also be argued that, children born severly disabled don't ask to be born that way and go through life not being able to have what others around them have. I know that I wouldn't want to have had a life like that and if I got in an accident and was in a vegetative state I hope my family would love me enough to let me go. I'm not asking you to agree with me and I love the people I have been raised with but I want to point out that whatever choice you make it is not going to be a walk in the park. It's quite frankly silly mentioning about sending children you don't want back. I mentioned there are a lot of children in care with severe disabilities this is unfortunately fact and it is a shame not more people step up to the plate for these kids. Like you said you believe was best choice for you but it won't be the best choice for everyone. My family member who I mentioned with Downs didn't always talk to herself these are things which have developed with age. If you look into it you will find most people with Downs get earlier onset of things such as dementia etc but saying that I think life expectancy is lower than normal. I don't want to upset people but then again I will not do what you seem to want and paint rose tinted glasses. Imagine a scenario you're in your mid 70s with a mentally handicapped daughter (not specifically Downs) in her mid 40's who is very strong, has epilepsy is incontinent and likes to head butt when asked to do something she doesn't want to do. You love your child and ofcourse she will be living at home but she has bad fits, you have to wash and bath her, deal with dirty knickers, and risk being physically attacked by your child who is no longer 4 but 40+...this isn't something that everyone is able to cope with ...having support or not. It doesn't make them bad people because they choose not to do that. I just want people to know it isn't easy. Going back to you saying about flesh and blood and it not being the same fostering... I totally disagree with you and you really wouldn't know how I feel to make that statement. I was 2 when my family started fostering and every person is family to me like siblings.
I know about unconditional love and my own son had special needs when younger and that was a big struggle on my own at the time, let alone with PND and financial probs etc. I'm glad you have George and wish you have a lifetime of happiness. You speak as a newish mother and I speak from 30yrs of experience and as a mother myself. I'm not telling people what to think but sharing my thoughts. Letting people know who have this uber hard desicion to make when faced with having a severley handicapped child that it is ok to be apprehensive and it is ok to say no.

xjx