I think I got out of bed the wrong side this morning, this will probably be a very long, self indulgent rant so feel free to ignore. I just need to get it out.

I have been feeling really low recently, you all know about hubby's work and he has been working Fridays and Sundays aswell to earn money for Xmas for us - he is exhausted and all I can do is moan about him not being here.
The difference is, he woke at 4am to work on Sunday, got home at 1pm and went to band practise at 3pm, and didn't walk through the door til gone 9. I honestly feel like a single mother at the moment and even though I see a lot of my mum and friends I have started to feel very lonely (sorry, in tears now)

Also, recently, he has made friends with an old friend through facebook, and he quite openly chats to her on fb while I'm in the room and tells me all about her but he got a text off her this morning and I flipped. He told me who it was and has nothing to hide but because I freaked out he has told her not to text anymore which makes me feel like some old fishwife.
I hate the fact that I'm being like this (he has loads of female friends) but my confidence is rock bottom since having the baby, I feel fat and ugly and no fun.

I have spent all morning in tears, he doesn't see a way we can spend more time together but assured me that he loves me and can't bear the thought of not being with me so I have just put it down to being overtired and sensitive and sent him on his way (he has taken Tilly to our friends for the afternoon to give me a break)

I'm really worried that I'm going to drive him away with my psycho-bitch antics but I think he needs to make more of an effort too.

That's it, doesn't seem as bad now I have got it out.

xxx

Awh hun,, sorry to hear your feeling like this... Having a baby really is very stressful on a relationship so its normal to have some sort of emotional outbusts... Your anything but fat and ugly, i think you look fantastic after having tilly!! Im sure your hubby knows how stressed out you are , after all , he is working these extra days to give you the xmas you deserve and also giving you a well earned break this afternoon... Chin up hun,, things will get easier xx

I've wrote 3 replies so far but BE keeps eating them.
I don't think you have a problem, for one thing your hormones are probably still all over the place, and like cheyni said it's very stressful on a relationship.
I know for me and hubby things have been very hard. We fight a lot about the stupidest things that don't seem stupid at the time. It's always me that starts it and he has said he doesn't have a problem with how things are going, yet I'm convinced things are horribly wrong between us! I've started fights on leaving a piece of paper on the table, on coming to bed 5 minutes after he said he would, for talking to a girl (a girl I have met a thousand times and know they aren't interested in each other). It all seems stupid now but when they bothered me it seemed like the end of the world.

In general you haven't had an easy time with sleeping. I'm someone who needs to sleep at night so when I don't it really hits me. And everything is always worse when you're tired. Hopefully things will get easier for you and Tilly and will then help your relationship.

The fear of driving him away with your 'psycho-bitch antics' is something I can understand. The thing I do is remind dh every now and again that I'm having a tough time with the whole new mother thing and know that when things start to settle that it will get better. Once he knows there is a reason for it he is a lot calmer with me.

I understand completely. I also feel like a single mother my husband works nightshift so we never see him he gets home from work at around 7.30 and we get chucked down stairs so he can sleep he sleeps all day and is still sleeping or just waking up when I put the children to bed at 6 o clock so they dont get any daddy time at all. Then I have to go make dinner for him. He always says Il take you here or there but we never go as hes always too tired unless its for him because of course we always go then. If I complain to him then he says I should get public transport which I would quite galdly do but you canttake the pram on our stupid buses and I dont fancy dragging 2 young children on the bus and around town without one. I find him very selfish he hasnt even changed the babys nappy!! but hes a man and I suppose I have to expect this from him.

Yes that's another thing, what shepherdyvonne said. I know it sounds bad but I keep telling myself that what he's doing isn't is fault cause he's a man.
It might be rude and untrue but it helps me feel a bit better.

Now I feel a bit bad because he is a really hands on dad, he will take the baby out for a walk to give me some rest and quite happily chips in on the nappy changes!
My mum has just been and helped me clean the house so feeling a lot better already!
I just feel like nothing much has changed for him and EVERYTHING has changed for me. I have a very stressful job and can be a bit of a 'control enthusiast (stole that from Coco!) so the fact this gorgeous little baby has arrived and completely thrown my world upside down has knocked me for 6.
Don't get me wrong I love her to bits - It's just all come as a bit of a shock!

Thanks for the replies, some things I feel like I can't talk to my 'real world' friends about so it's great to have people who understand and are at the same stage

xxx

Hi I really do sympathise as i feel very similar - when OH is away i hate it. it bugs me that he doesn't seem to mind that he's away from us. he seems to think that his life doesn't have to change but mine has to completely. i've never seen him do less housework than now, and that's onl when i ask him to do it. he's just left now for 3 days - i've had a cleaner in today to help me out and Oh said he expected the house would be in it's usual state when he gets back! ****er! he's not exactly tidy. sometimes i feel i would be better off living at my mums, at least i'd get more help woth the baby!

i have to say, i had a morning at the trafford centre on my own, left lo with OH. it recharged my batteries as it was a bit of me time, plus made OH see how hard it was (not that it's had any long term effect).

i do know it's hard, has been since babe was born. we never argued till we had a baby!

hugs

K x

oh lulu! big hugs!!!!! i no exactly how ur feeling! iv been feeling like this too, my hubby is also a really hands on dad and changes her and feeds her but like u sed it seems like his life hasnt really changed, he goes to work then comes home and gets straight on the xbox while im sitting here feeding her before i drag myself off to bed, im thinking wheres my break!! but like everyone on here has sed its still early days and wen ur in a proper routine where tilly goes to bed and sleeps all nite and u got the eves to yourself u will feel a lot better!!

chin up hun!!

xxx

Oh hun, that's not good!

It's hard with a baby, just because you become a mother doesn't mean your feelings as a 'wife' and as 'you' disappear!

Why not agree with hubby a final date for the Xmas overtime, that will give you a countdown for the reduced time together - even if it means less crimbo pressies, sounds like quality time is more important.

Could you maybe organise for someone to babysit, so you and hubby could go out together - even if it's for lunch during the day, it will give you a little time together?

Hope you feel better soon chuck!

Rach xxx

Hon, remember that the sleep deprivation will not be helping! When you're tired everything seems worse and your emotions go into overdrive. Talking of which, my mind is mush today due to a lack of sleep so can't offer any advice that hasn't already been given... Hope you're feeling more positive tomorrow xxxxx xxxxx

Big hugs Lulu.

Lots of us do all seem to be feeling the same. I guess there's something comforting in that!
Now hubby has gone back to work full time I'm like a single Mum too. Beth wakes at 7, hubby leaves at 7.15! Then she goes to bed at about 6.30ish and he gets home at 7. So basically he doesn't see her all week and I have to do everything. Then on a Sunday he plays football until 1pm so once we've eaten that's most of the day gone. The last 2 weekends I've had a couple of hours 'me' time once he gets back from footie, between feeds, but that means we don't actually get to see each other!!! Plus I go to bed as soon as I've eaten at about 7.30. So we are like strangers at the moment and I feel really ratty when I come down in the morning and see all the washing up still there as he's been just sat watching TV all evening. He gets to chill to and from work on the train, have nice lunches with his mates, go to football etc Basically his life hasn't changed at all. If I'm around he won't ever take the initiative when Beth starts crying. He's only ever put her down for a nap once and even then made a fuss about not being good at swaddling!

I'm hoping that once Beth is a bit better at night I can start to go to bed later and we can actually spend some time together.

I am a total 'control enthusiast' too and have really struggled with the major life upheaval. You are doing so well to go with the flow so much. Here I am fretting over routines and schedules! I feel so lonely as I moved to my area to live with hubby so don't really have any friends nearby. Even my NCT friends are all a bit of a drive away. And as Beth SCREAMS over the tiniest thing I actually find going out with her really stressful so don't do it as much as I should. Hmmmm, now I'm crying too. Motherhood is SO hard.

Sorry - feel like I've hijacked your post moaning about myself. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone and I totally understand how you feel.

x

I had to haver words with Hubby too. He works shifts and does'nt get any regular days off and then arranged to go out with pals on two of his rare days off. I told him that he needs to get a better work, social and family life and make surre family is on top. I told him that it feels like his life hasn't changed at all and mine has. It is hard for us all being at home and looking after this precious bundle who is brilliant but very hard work.
Big hugs to us all and we're all doing a brilliant job and as my friend said our babies wouldn't have made it this far without us and their achioevements are down to us with only maybe a small contribution from OH.

[Modified by: nina698 on November 17, 2009 10:13 AM]

lulu im sending u a massive big squishy cuddle lol!! i kno exactly how u are feeling like many others do, OH has just gone bk to work after 2 weeks off so i feel alot better having some help for a couple of weeks and i think he actually realises i dont just sit on my bum all day long!! he is really hands on too and cant knock him him sometimes he is fab but like u have already said.. there lives dont seem to change very much! can OH have a little bit of time off to spend with u n tilly?
thinking of u hunny, hope u r ok... got to run got a screaming baby who has just done a very smelly poo!! xxxx

Ah Lulu ive only just read this, i must have missed it somehow!! Have things got any better?? Its so hard sometimes to not feel anger towards our OHs!!! He's obviously doing the overtime so he can get more money for you and Tilly, but its still means you have a lot more time on your own with her, which can be hard.

I completely understand what you mean about their lives not changing. My OH is very similar. Whilst he does spend lots of time with Ollie in the evenings, his weekends are still the same....football at 12 (so we can do pretty much nothing beforehand!) and then he stays after football to watch the final scores come in, have a few more beers, then stroll in anytime after 7!! It does get you down, as you feel you cant do any of the things you used to do!! Id love a complete free sat where i can go shopping, lunch with friends etc and not have to push a pram or worry when he needs feeding next or when he might need changing!! If i did ask for that, Ollie would go to his mums or my mums......there is no way he would miss football!!! It does my head in, so i know exactly how you feel!!

I agree that you should agree a date when the overtime stops and maybe he could look after Tilly for you so you can have sometime where you do the things you used to do?? Oh and i dont think your overracting to the fb thing.....id hate that and whilst i dont class myslef as a jealous person i wouldnt really appreciate that at all, especially as your at home all day with their child!!!
Hope your feeling a bit better and sorry this is such a late reply, i dont know how i missed this post!! xxxxx

Thank you, I'm feeling a lot better now think hubby has realised how s*it i was feeling as he has been an angel ever since, very loving and cuddly so lets hope he keeps it up!

I'm not a jealous person at all usually it's just that I didn't know they had swapped numbers and was worried that she only texts when I'm not around. I'd rather he was open about it.

The world is a much brighter place when you get some sleep!

xxx