As title suggests I am fed up with TTC - 14 months in total and 8 months now since my MMC. It's really wearing me down getting hopeful every month and then feeling disappointed, And I feel like my life is constantly on hold just in case this is the month I get my BFP - which is the thing I want more than anything else at the moment. But, I'm not doing stuff - like not applying for jobs I see (don't want to lose the maternity benefits I get at my current job), not booking a winter snowboarding holiday, missing out on good nights out blah blah blah. This is all stuff I would give up gladly for the chance to be a Mummy, but it just seems horrible to miss out on all this stuff and then each month AF arrives. I feel like it is a strain on my relationship with DH - sex has been replaced with BDing and getting stressed out that we are doing it at the right time and doing it enough, rather than just enjoying ourselves -and this is a road I really didn't want to go down. And my worst fear - what happens if it takes ages to get that BFP and then it doesn't stick again. I don't know if I have the strength to keep going on doing this, but I know I have too, because it is the only way I will get what I really want.

Logically in my head I know that by having unprotected sex I must at some point fall pregnant. I have a CBFM so I know we're BDing at the right time, I've had tests run by the doctors and I am a healthy fertile woman and as horrible as the post MC comments are, at least I do know I can get that BFP. I am just hating the complete lack of control I have over something I want so much.....arghhhhhhh. I need a big injection of PMA and to stop feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for the rant, but needed to get it off my chest.

x

Hi hun

Sorry your feeling so fed up, I understand exactly how you feel as went through this stage some months back. In the end me & oh decided (I hate this term) to just relax & go with the flow. I stopped using my cbfm & started having sex as & when we wanted & how we wanted (i.e. no bd positions). We started to feel completley relaxed with the change & started to enjoy eachother more rather than it feeling so clinical all the time. And guess what, it worked!! Didnt even think we had done it at the right time!
Also the fact that you have had tests done that show you are healthy fertility wise is great I know it doesnt compensate for the loss you have been through. We are going through recurrent mc tests & I think if we get the all clear I will be over the moon as at the moment our biggest fear is not being able to have a child, I know it doesnt take away from the babies we have lost but I will feel much more positive that we will be able to have a healthy pg & baby.
You will have your precious baby, try & take the time to enjoy life doing what you want to do with your dh & when your not thinking about it as much cause your occupied with other activities it will happen while your least expecting it.

Sending you lots of PMA sweetie, dont see you on as much so when you are feeling down or fed up please come on & chat to us & get things off yoru chest.

Lots of love & hugs to you xxxx

HI Josie

So sorry you are feeling down. I can totally empathise. All you want is a healthy baby, which seems such an easy natural thing before you start on this ttc lark, and then it begins to seem like the hardest thing you have ever done. And all the while the feelings of broodyness increase.......

I agree with Laujai - putting your life on hold only makes you more stressed and will make things tense between you and your other half. Think of it as practice for WHEN you ARE a mummy - you will still have your own life, so by putting those things in place now it will be easier for you to carry on after you have had your baby.

As for the snow boarding holiday...... Sod's Law says that as soon as you book it and pay your non refundable deposit you will fall pregnant - so get on to the travel agent now!

Hi JP

I can completely sypathise with how you are feeling. have now been trying for 18 months with no luck apart from 1 MC back at the end of May. I feel like we have tried everything. We were relaxed for the first 8 months then stepped it up and now I am obsessive!!

I am completely fed up and just want it to happen. I am 32 so also worried about running out of time. I also have a CBFM but have not been for all the tests yet so that is next on the list (was about to have them then fell PG last time). Even went to the Fertility Show today in London for hope of inspiration!

Hope we all get our BFPs very soon :)

Thank you ladies for you kind replies. You can always count on people understanding what you are going through on here. I tried to explain to DH last night how I was feeling and it all came out wrong (I'd had a drink which didn't help) and I think he took it the wrong way believing that I was blaming the lack of a BFP on him - then he got all defensive and horrible things were said:-( He's normally so supportive about it all and all I wanted to explain to him was that it's taking it's toll on me and I feel unhappy at the moment. Instead I ended up feeling like a spoilt brat who can't get her own way! Also turns out DH is quite happy to put things on the back burner for a while (he is looking for a new job and wants to be settled and happy in his work before a baby comes along) whilst I am petrified that time is marching on (I'm 32) and I don't have the luxury of taking a break - or that's how it feels anyway.

Anyway, I need to give myself a good kick up the bum and just get on with things, carry on as normal I think, and just hope the BFP comes along when I am least expecting it.

I hope we all get our sticky BFP's soon.