Hi everyone,

I don't know if anyone can help me with this but i wondered if anyone else had had the same type of thing happen.

I had a miscarriage last Friday, I didn't even know i was pregnant.

I don't actually know how to feel about this, which sounds stupid, i am obviously devastated and i really don't feel like anyone understands. I am getting married in May and everyone just seems to think that baby would have interfered with wedding and they say it as though it's a good thing that baby is gone.

Anyway since this happened i keep having what i think are panic attacks, shortness of breath, feeling like my hearts beating too fast, going dizzy, it's bloody horrible and comes from no where - i just wondered if anyone else had experienced the same sort of thing?

Also, this may sound a bit werid but does anyone know what happens to the miscarried baby? Hospital took it off me and i wanted it back, the idea of it being thrown in the bin or something just makes me so upset, i wanted to plant a little tree at home for it or something - do you know if the hospital can give it me back?

I'm sorry if any of this sounds weird, i've run out of people to ask and feel like i can't mention it to anyone cos they all think i'm being stupid or something.

x x

Spec, my heart aches for you. We lost our baby last year...but there will always be joy after the grief subsides.

You could contact the hospital / the relevant Health Trust, and ask for confirmation in writing of their procedures in the case of your miscarriage. This may go some way to setting your mind at ease that due love and respect was shown (I would go ahead and plant the tree anyway - Life should always be celebrated). Also, contact your local support group for mothers who have miscarried, and set up a meeting with them so you get the support you need from people who actually understand what you are going through physically and emotionally - dnot just talk to people that are familiar to you (but may not have the skills or wisdom to support you as you need it now).

The only person who can determine what you need to do to grieve and move forward is you - what a ridiculous and unkind thing to say to you, that a baby would interfere with a wedding?! A baby is a blessing whenever they turn up, not an inconvenience!

I hope your partner is getting support too - they can sometimes flounder when they see their other half in so much pain.

Thinking of you, and encourage you to reach out for support - it is out there.

I had a few dizzy spells while I was miscarrying, so part of what you are feeling may still be physical symptoms exacerbated by you worrying about it. I'd say as it's still so soon take things easy, and really look after yourself. stay close to home and relax as much as you can in this situation. and I'd agree with everything FMG said about finding the right support for yourself through this.

And don't feel like you have less of a right to grieve because you didn't knwo you were pg. I knew I was before my MC. my bro's fiance had an MC and that was the first she knew of the pg when she lost it. We're lucky to have someone close who understands and can help each other, and we both grieved just as much for our lost little ones.

Gxx

Hey,, i've only just seen this post a si'm over in ttc after mc/ectopic, which i am and it's a bit busier in that forum maybe try there if you have any other questions after this? I found out i was pg at the beginning of june and was delighted but terrified at the same time! my panic attacks actually started while i was preg, think so much was goin on at the time and even though we were ttc it was stil scary (it was our first) anywho.. we had scans at 5,6,7 weeks and saw heart beat during the latter 2, went along for our 12 week scan thinking everything was peachy but to be told the worst thing in the world and that our baby had died at 8 weeks. I had to spend a dy in hosp to bring my mc on and passed everything in hosp. they run some tests and then cremated my baby - that was our chocie they asked what we wanted. Have you tried contacting them? As for the panic attacks i suggest speaking to your GP. I suffer from mild anxiety anyway and OCD (which is actually manageable these days from a point when it ruled my life!!) but my gp was really understanding and gave me some tablets to have if i ever had a really bad one and luckily i haven't used any yet! think it's just nice to know they're there and i've got an appointment with the surgerys counsellor (sp?) in a couple of weeks, its been almost 3 1/2 months since my mmc but i want to try it even though it didn't help with my ocd as i don't liek opening up to people especially strangers but i have to give it a go! Good luck and like i said pop over to the other forum! x