I am sure some of you read my post yesterday about the POAS panic - I feel far more rational about everything today, I think I just went loopy yesterday.

I woke up feeling far more positive, went to work and just after lunch went to the loo and I was spotting brown/pink blood. I will call it "blood" but it was more like mixed in with the CM (sorry if TMI!) when I wiped. I didn't worry the first time, but went for a wee a couple more times and it was there each time. I decided to call my EPU and have a chat with them. They spoke to me and told me not to worry about the tests yesterday, but that the spotting was a concern. I also have mild tummy pains. They have booked me in for an internal scan first thing in the morning (I have had one before for another medical condition) so not worried at all about the scan, but I really think they may find that the bean has gone.

I am at home, resting and taking it easy - hoping for the best, but fearing the worse I think it's going to be a long night!

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First of all, I really cannot thank you all so much for your kind words. I have not read them until this morning as we turned the laptop off last night (just not in the mood, if you know what I mean) but it is so lovely to find such support amongst you all.

I am typing this with a big grin on my face, because by some true miracle, bean is still here

Last night was awful, I hardly slept, and consequently on the way to the hospital this morning, we both looked like shit (we looked and felt "grey"). The ladies in the EPU were INCREDIBLE! They were all so very kind to us. They took us into a side room and took a history of what had happened, and then drew us a picture of what we should expect to see at the various different stages of an early pregnancy, but not to worry if we didn't see what we thought we should, as things can vary so much. We then went for the scan. It was an internal scan, so not very ladylike, but I have had one before and at that point I really didn't care. The lady who did the scan was so lovely. She told us that she would talk us through what she was doing, take any measurements, and then she would tell us properly what was happening. No sooner had she put the scope in, than she said well, it looks like a very healthy baby to me. She took all the measurements etc, and then turned the screen round for us to see, and there she was! She showed me the uterous, the yolk sack, and then the bean. We could vaguely make out it's head, and the tail end. It was only 1cm big, but for something so very tiny, there was it's little heart was beating like mad. I just burst into tears.

She said it was measuring 7 1/2 weeks, which is exactly what I had thought, and ended by saying, don't worry only you will know about the bleed, baby never will.

I cannot believe that we are both still here and OK for now, and that I actually have that amazing little person growing in my tummy. It's very early days, but they said I have no greater chance of anything going wrong than anyone else who has not had a bleed, and they could not see anything wrong on the ultrasound. They said that if I have any more bleeds to not worry as it is very common, but if it gets heavy to go straight back. I am so hoping that we get plain sailing from now on,

So I am sitting here beaming from ear to ear, as it hubby. Both feeling INCREDIBLY lucky that for now, the lil Beanster is still hanging on in there. I think we both went to hell and back last night, but I would do it all again to see that little heart beating on that screen

[Modified by: **MrsD2B** on 05 November 2009 11:07:40 ]

i think it will be a long night for you,you are now in this mindset that you have lost this little one...your trying to protect yourself,which i cant blame you for id be the same,i apologise if my post yesterday was blunt and to the point......i really hope you are wrong and that you will find that your bean is nestled away safely and worrying you for no reason!

aww so sorry to hear this MrsD, hope it all works out, let us know how you get on tomo, alot of us on here have had spotting and brown discharge so try not to give up on your little bean just yet!
fingers crossed xx

I hope everything is ok with you. A lot of ladies on here have had some bleeding and then perfectly healthy beans wriggling away at the scan so hopefully you will be the same.
xx

i have my fingers crossed for you hun xxxxx

Thanks for your replies ladies. We are preparing ourselves for the worst, and if we get any positive news then that will be a bonus. Will just be glad when it's this time tomorrow and we will know for sure whether bean has gone or not
xxx

fingers crossed for you sweetie. lots of ladies suffer spotting/ bleeding and everything turns out ok. my sister did and she had a perfectly health pregnancy and baby xxxx

oh hunni you sound like you've made up your mind ........plz stay positive i bled real heavy all through my last pregnancy but my lil bean is now nearly 3 and crying as i type because i wont give her more ice cubes :) theres always hope hunni i think most of us will be investing in a doppler so we dont feel like this after our12 wk scans :) stay strong n please let us know how you go when you can xxxxxxx dena

Oh hunnie, I have had so many bleeds like that as light and heavier and everytime I have been scanned bean has had a HB. I really hope this is the case for you too. Would hate to loose you & bean from the forum. Best of luck for the morning, will be keeping an eye out for your update! xx

oh hon, we'll be thinking of you x x x

Hope eveything goes ok hun i will be thinking of you xx

i bled all the way through so really hoping little bean is ok, will be thinking of you in the morning, take care xx

Hi hun, just wanted to let you know that i have everything crossed for you and i'm wishing you all the very best for your scan tomorrow. xx

Good luck for today hun xx

Hope you managed to get some sleep through the night. My fingers and toes are tightly crossed for you and thinking of you today. Hope all goes well!! X

Fingers crossed hun, let us know. it sounds exactly what i had, almost like bloody CM when you wipe. My bean is fine and i pray yours will be too!
x

hoping everything is fine for you hun xxxx

Aww hun sorry to hear about this... stay positive and i'm thinking of u!!

GOOD LUCK xx

so haopy to hear your bean is still with you x

OMG im sat here in work with tears in my eyes! So made up for you! it sounds amazing for you to witness your little bean with its healthy HB, well done and congratualtions, now just chill out and enjoy your pregnancy! i really cant wait for my scan now! have you told ppl about your pregnancy? x

Wow this is fab news hun, Congratulations!! Really happy for youxxxxxx