Just want to say that I have had enough - after 16 months (which feels like an eternity) and three months of Clomid - I absolutely can't do this anymore.

I am sooooooo fed up with this - why is so hard????? I just want to sit here and cry!!! and shout and swear.

IT'S NOT FAIR

Oh Gerbera, so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I think I can safely say we have all had times like this, where it all gets on top of us and getting that bfp seems impossible.
Its so hard to pull yourself out of it when it happens too! I know words will be of little comfort to you, but always remember the end goal - it is worth any amount of time...and believe it or not all the heartache we have been through on our lttc journeys will just melt away and become irrelevant. We have to just keep plodding on till we get there!
That said, it is also ok to feel the way you do occasionally...while its all well and good to say 'pick yourself up', there is no denying that this journey is hard, and can be particularly difficult at certain times. So while i am not saying feel free to wallow in your own sadness, I do think it is important not to feel guilty about feeling the way you do. Try to treat yourself to something - whether it be chocolate, wine, a sick day, a good book, whatever...just take a little time for you and allow yourself to pick back up again refreshed and ready for the next round. Oh, and free permission to scream shout and swear too:)
You will find yourself coming out the other side again with renewed pma...as hard as it is to believe it now.

Has the clomid been helping you to ovulate? If so, you really are on track, just hold on there and keep your head above water, it will all be worth it in the end.

x

Oh hun, from someone who is not far behind you I know exactly how you feel - 14 months and 1 month on clomid although its actually more than a month because I havent ovd yet.

Has clomid been making you ov?

I really dont know what to say because I keep saying I've had enough but then I definately wouldnt have a baby. I'm feeling particularly crappy today so I'm prob not much help!

xxxx

I know how you feel Gerbera. This is absolutely without a doubt the longest, hardest, most unfair journey I have had to experience and endure in my life too.

SO many unanswered questions, so much of life in limbo, difficult times in personal and initmate relations, feeling so helpless and frustrated that you want to scream why me? what did I do wrong? Why does my body not work properly? When will I get to be happy and share pregnancy news? Will I ever get to hold and smell my precious baby and love and nurture them? When will this yearning end? and how can much longer can I hide my true feelings to other around my who have no idea what I am going through?

These questions go round my head very often and it never gets any easier. Thank god for women on Baby Expert who share all the down times and the good times. Sometimes I feel like giving up too and accepting that maybe it's just not meant to be.

Sometimes I have real fighting spirit, feel positive and want to research and find solutions and do anything I can to make it happen. But some things are out of our control and that's why it is so hard to deal with.

It's been just over two years for us now and after having a bad breakdown at the 2 year point I decided enough was enough and for the sake of my sanity I was just going to let go, little by little of the constant yearning and grieving for something I was so desperate to have but just couldn't succeed in. I still have bad days when everything gets to much to bear but mostly I am just letting go, just relaxing my mind and body to accept that it will only happen (unexplained secondary infertility with us) if I don't force myself and wasn't so hard on myself.

I am learning to just go back to the way it was with me and hubby and having sex just for sex - as hard as I know it is when you are ttc and it takes over life,

Life can be cruel but along this journey I have had to learn to accept that I can't make a baby just because I want to and I feel it is my right. I have to allow my body, luck, timing and fate to work together and be patient and believe my time will come one day.

Don't worry if you feel like giving up as we all doubt ourselves and feel the same way at some point. Do what feels right for you and you never know, if you 'take a break' from trying and trick your mind that you are not ttc and just enjoying sex and your partner, it may just happen.

Take care and know that we are all here for you and each other during these tough times xxx

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Hi Gerbera

I really sympathise with you. We have been trying for over 3 years now, and i am at a point where i feel utterly useless and so alone as hubby doesn't understand just how much i yearn for a baby.

Right now i just want to shut myself away in a dark room and not see or speak to anyone, but we just have to keep trying.

I have a clomid chat with my fertility nurse in 5 weeks, and i am supposed to have lost some weight - but it isn't happening and if they say no, you can't get the clomid, i think i will have a breakdown.

Im at the breaking point of just stamping my feet and saying i give up because like you i don't know how long i can go on like this.

Thinking of you, and you aren't alone xxxx

Oh Gerbera

I'm so sorry you feel like this, and I can't add much more than the other ladies. Other than to say you are not alone, and that I know it feels horrible. And unfair.

Cry, scream and shout. Then treat yourself to a nice distraction... online retail therapy, your favourite DVD or a good book.

xx

Yes I am feeling exactly the same right now. I am just ventruing on month 20, I got pg within 3 months then mc'd and since then I am going backwards, not only am I still not pg by my cycles are all over the place. Life is unfair and we all have these days like Mrs D says treat yourself to a nice distraction. I know it is not a long term solution but it will be the little pick up you need for now xx hope you are feeling better tomorrow xx

Oh Gerbera
i'm so sorry your feeling so sad!!! as socks say's i can't offer any more advice than the other ladies have given just know that your not alone we all have our down moments we're currently going into year 7 of TTC and had our 1st IUI treatment yesterday so am in 2ww yet again!!!! I really hope you have some luck in our long and heart wrenching quest, take some time out for yourself, sending you a very large lorry load of sticky baby dust keep your chin up xxxxxxx

thank you all so much. it really was a bad day yesterday - still feel down but it could be much worse I guess.

yes clomid is making me OV - so I guess that is a good sign - I guess I just expected miracles after my Lap & Hscy in July.

I went out with a good friend last night - had a lovely dinner, wine and then we had the cocktails. its great how much better a Porn Star Martini can make you feel!! slight hangover now though!!

decided to just go with the flow from now on - no CBFM and just take vitamins and but give up drinking. if I am going down the IVF route in January need to loose a good few pounds!!

thanks again - onwards and upwards - good luck to you all - you are all very special people and your OH's and friends should feel blessed to know you xx