OK I need to get this out of my head and since you guys are the only ones knowing I am pregnant it is an easy choice.

Last night I had the 12 week scan at 12+3. The whole day I felt weird and scared, I knew it. Unlike with Michael, I felt completely different. Still got morning sickness, even with just drinking water. Not particulair food triggering it. Anyhow, I knew it as soon as she started the scan. No heartbeat, no movement and incredible tiny. Baby was messuring 8+4, so has been in there not moving for the last four weeks. I felt sick, but was quite in a shock. Was still making jokes with husband.

My mum had miscarriages before my brother and I were born, Till this day I still don't know for sure what caused it even though she knows. She does not want to talk about it, cause for her it is a very sore subject. I am now afraid the same thing happened to me and I do not even want to tell her. With my brother she had to have regular hospital visits with injections and such to make sure she could hold on to him till close to due date. That is the only thing I know about it and now it angers me,

I need to go to hospital today, or tomorrow. They need to phone me for me to come in. (was to late last night otherwise I had to get in last night) They need to do another scan and than I would not know. I wish I wouldn't feel pregnant, that is the worst. The whole night I have been crying and got no sleep. I feel quilty because sometimes I thought that it would be to much and that I should not be pregnant at all. That it is to close together etc. Now I feel quilty for not wanting it that much. It is true what they say, you only know what you miss when you loose it.

No need to reply, just needed it off my chest really. Husband is still asleep and does not seem to upset with it, MIL left yesterday crying to give us some space for ourselves and no one else knows. Now I need to figure out if I tell someone or not. Anyhow I hate the run up to christmas every year, now I have another reason for it. Don't know how I will get through the nest couple of days. I am so glad we still got Michael and atleast we got a healthy child. I am unsure if I ever want to go through it all again.

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Just back from hospital. Same story, no movement, no heartbeat. No way my dates could be wrong, got positive test on clearblue digital at 4+3 and I knew the last time we had sex. Next time was a lot later than that.

There is still nothing happening, so will have surgery on friday to get it removed. I could go natural route, but now I know how big the sack is and how big baby is, I don't think I will be able to pass it. I need to be sane, I don't want to see it. And if it has been in there for about 4 weeks, I am unsure if it will come out in the next few weeks.

I send my mum an email this morning. She wasn't on skype and could not contact her otherwise. Just before we had to dash of to hospital she came online and I send her a message. Up untill now she has not come back to me, not by email, not by text message, not over skype. Kinda regret telling her.

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We had to be in hospital at 7.30 on friday, so had to get Michael dressed and everything at about half past five. I felt so good that it hasn't happened during the time I was at home. We dropped Michael off at MIL who we had to wake up at 6.15. (I felt evil) Afterwards we went to hospital were we arrived early. I was not looking forward to going back to the hospital I gave birth in to Michael. :( The hospital is actually closed, but they still do some of the day surgery's in there. It is a very very old hospital and you can see it on the decor of the rooms, the beds, the chairs etc. But the staff was really nice. Normally they send your oh away when you get questions and such before surgery and they do not see you till you back from your op. With this procedure they let your oh be there all the way till you go to theatre, than you be away for about 35 minutes and they pick them up from the waiting room as soon as you are awake.

Anyhow I felt sick, anxious, terrified and nervous. Still had morning sickness the day of surgery, even looked like I felt flutters. (it was way to early anyway, but my mind was playing tricks) Kept hoping they were wrong. But I got it out of my mind somehow, went in to theatre. When I woke up I was surprised how awake I felt. (when husband went in for his ears he just needed to go bed and stay there for almost two days. You could not trust him with anything and he could not remember anything you told him 5 min ago. he even forgot he ate after he put the plate in the kitchen) I had none of it all.

For me this was the right choice. I am advised not to go swimming for 3 weeks (goodbye swimming lessons for Michael :( ) and no special time for hubby for three weeks to. We are unsure if we are gonna try again. Part of me wants to get pregnant again, part of me wants to wait. I still feel sad at times, but with knowing that it is all gone, that my body will be back to normal soon and that I do not feel pregnant still are atleast offering me the chance to leave it all behind now. The healing can start.

[Modified by: Breighlin on 03 November 2009 14:28:23 ]

[Modified by: Breighlin on 07 November 2009 19:10:00 ]

I am so sorry hun. Sending you a big hug.... x

Could you explain to your Mum what has happened to you? This might encourage her to talk about her miscarriages.

It would be good for you to tell at least your Mum I think as you do need to talk about it or do you have a best friend you could talk to? I know you have your husband and MIL to talk to but the more you talk the better for you. You obviously have all of us to talk to at anytime but someone in "real life" would be of more help I think.

Thinking of you, lots of love

x

Oh Hun

I am so so sorry! Sending lots of love too xxxxx

hey hun.... very sorry. The same happened with myself last year, it is very hard to talk about and as the baby was only a few weeks, it wasnt possible to test and see what caused the miscarriage. I would highly recommend you talk with your mum. I know it happened to her in the past, but if there is any information she can give you at all, it would help you in the long run, also, she may feel upset that you couldn't confide in her at the time you most need someone.
It took me a while to talk to even the closest of friends, so please, talk to your mum.

Take Care, thinking of you xx

Hi,

Really sorry to hear what you are going through, I will keep my fingers crossed that the next scan gives better news. Is there any way your dates are wrong?
It is unfortunately very common to have a miscarriage so don't panic too much that it is the same that happened to your Mum. I do think though it would be a good idea to talk to your Mum about what happened with her as if there is a chance you could be having the same problem you can at least inform your midwife and they can keep a closer eye on you in future pregnancies.

Big hugs xx

Oh gosh, i'm so so sorry. As soon as I saw your title my heart sank. I agree talk to your mum. Is she still staying with you? Xx

I really am so sorry. Sending all my love your way xxx

Oh Breighlin, I'm so sorry xxxxxxxxx

Ahh Im so so sad to hear your news. Will be thinking of you xx

so sorry hunny, sending love to you all xx

Oh darling am so so sorry.please don't blame yourself hun and take time to get over it.... Lots of love xxxx

I know nothing we say can really help, but I'm so sorry for you and hope you take the time you need to get over this - you really should speak to someone, even a counsellor perhaps if you feel unable to tell those close to you.

oh breighlin im so sorry sending u lots of hugs hon xxxx

Oh Breighlin, honey I am so sorry this is happening. As Liz says, maybe there is a chance the next scan may be more promising if dates are wrong.....if not, when emotions have calmed down in the next few months maybe you will feel able to speak to your mum about her problems during pregnancies so you can make an informed choice about whether if affects your decision regarding having another child.

Sending you a big cyber hug ((())) xxx

Sweetie you need your mum. Tell her everthing as she would be gutted that you're going through this without her.
I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. I too had a MC between Mia and Jed (and one before Mia) and it was so nice to be able to hug my baby girl and feel so thankful to have her.
Your second pregnancy will never be like your first. There are two years between mine and Jed's pregnancy still didn't share the magic of the first so you will feel differently.

Sending a big hug. x x x

Really sorry to hear this, hope the next scan brings good news x x x

Really sorry to hear your news hun. xx

so sorry to hear your news. unfortunately mcs are so common (i had one too), very painfull experience. don't blame yourself for losing your bean, there's nothing you could have done to prevent it.
take your time to heal and i'm sure you'll fall pg again when you're ready.
don't know about your mum though, it's up to you to decide. only you know what your mum's reaction is going to be and how much support she is going to give.
i didn't tell my mum when i had mc because i knew she would have been very upset and couldn't give me moral support i needed.
take care, hun xx

so sorry to hear this :-( x

oh hon, will be thinking of you Friday. I know you've said before your relationship with your mum is difficult - I really hope she is supportive of you at this time. x

I'm so sorry to hear this Breighlin :-(. Make sure you get lots of hugs from hubby and Michael. Thinking of you, honey....

xx