Well, it's definitely BFN, and now AF is here. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, as I've really known since Monday that it wasn't going to be positive, but you always have that little bit of hope waiting to be crushed even further.

I talked it through with DH last night, and we're hoping to try again next cycle (late November/early December), and (if that doesn't work) skip a cycle and have one last try in late January/early February. Then that'll be it - unless we get any frosties in the next couple of cycles, in which case we'd do FET with them.

So basically, provided my body co-operates and I don't get any more cysts or anything to prevent the treatments going ahead, we should know in four months' time whether we'll ever have our own biological children. It's a scary thought, but this process has been so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting that it actually feels good to have decided on a point at which we'll draw a line in the sand (and our bank account will stop haemorrhaging money).

We're going to book a holiday tomorrow - a week of doing nothing in the sun somewhere that has plenty of winter warmth. At the end of the December cycle we'll have Christmas to look forward to, and if we have to do a third cycle, we'll book a holiday at the end of that as well.

For now, I feel utterly utterly drained, and need to grieve for what we've lost and recharge my batteries before we move on. Once again, sorry not to have answered individual posts recently - I've really appreciated all the support and kind words that people have left for me, and hope to be properly back to offering support to others soon xx

Look after yourself LDOM. Let's hope this cycle was just a warm up and that you hit the jackpot in Dec XXX

LDOM, I am so sorry that your first cycle of IVF didn't end in the result we were all hoping for you.
I think that going on holiday sounds like an excellent idea to recharge your batteries and hopefully try to rest your mind, body and soul.
It's always good to have a plan, I have mine if our first cycle of ICSI doesn't work, but I'm really hoping that your next cycle yields a more positive outcome.
Thinking of you

xx

LDOM sorry for your dissapointing news.

Sounds like you have a good plan lined up and any plan involving the booking holidays is a darn good plan, in my opinion!!!

Take care and a bit of time to chill and recover.

Love Emma xx

Hi hon, i replied to your other post, but just wanted to say that i think your handling this extremely well, considering. well done, your being very brave. The strength in here always amazes me.

This post touches upon a major issues for many of us in ltttc and assisited conception, when to call it a day? Without trying to be too negative it is something i think about alot. I know i havent even started my treatment yet, and of course when i do i'll give it 100% but i am scared that if it doesnt work, what then? and how many cycles can i endure?

Like you i do have a number in my head, 3 cycles and any frosties, but i know things change, who know's how each of us will feel when the time comes.

I just think at some point i will need to start really living, rather than living a life around infertility treatments, drugs, blood tests, scans, monitering, b'ding to order, counting, charting and 2 week waits! That has got to bring some relief also dont you think? I know many of my fertile freinds keep saying they would never stop trying, and i should keep going no matter what, but this is unfair and they dont understand the emotional and physical impact. Everybody should be free to make there own choices about this. I think your plan sounds excelent.

A good book i read about all these topics was called Pink for a girl, i think its by a lady called isla mckulin, or something like that. Give a very honest account of infertility and deciding to stop treatment... there is no baby at the end, but still a very postive take on life after treatment.

Sorry to have waffled on your thread,

Sending you big hugs,

Gem x

LDOM, I agree with the others....your strength and courage is remarkable. Don't apologise for not replying....we all understand the reasons and no-one expects a reply....just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping with all my heart that you finally get some good news in the next few months. A break sounds like a fab idea. I also think it must be nice to have a clear plan of what you will do if it doesn't work.....althugh I'm sure it's not somethhing you want to think about right now, if it helps you to feel more in control it can only be a good thing...even if you don't stick to it in the end. Thinking of you xxx

Thinking of you hun xxx

Oh hun, I am so sorry, thinking of you. xxxxxx

Hi LDOM,

Sorry it didn't happen for you both this time but I was told by a friend if it works first time it's a fluke and usually by the third or fourth cycle they'll know what dosage of drugs suits you best. She's now proud mummy of twin girls on her third cycle.

Have you had a review?

All the luck in the world for your next cycle

xxxx

I'm so sorry that it didn't work for you first time. rest up, enjoy your holiday and i have everything crossed for you for your next cycle.
thinking of you

LDOM, sorry to hear that it wasn't to be. I'm also sorry that it's taken me this long to come and post.

I hope you have a lovely holiday and a Christmas BFP is waiting just around the corner. xxx