Charlotte is in nursery today. She only goes 1 day a week, this is her 4th week.

The last 2 weeks she has not been too well. Last week it was a cold/snotty nose. This week tbh she has been a nightmare to look after. I think one of her 2nd molars is coming thru. She's been as miserable as sin and has hardly eaten. Plus waking at 5.30 every morning (I know the hour change would have something to do this but still very early for her).

The last 2 weeks I have dropped her off at nursery she has cried - a lot - when dropping her off. To be exptected I know esp when only going 1 day a week.

I was asked today by the person on the door (a very nice chap) to ring at noon to see how she was getting on. Which I have done. However, someone else came to the phone instead of this bloke I asked for.

I was not prepared for what the lady said. As Charlotte was so upset this morning she removed her from the toddler room as - in her words not mine - she was disrupting and upsetting the other children with her behaviour! WTF?!! She was upset! Don't any of the other kids cry then?!

I had also wrote in her diary to make sure I could see how much she had eaten as she is so fussy. Plus the 2nd week she went to nursery she came back ravenous so I needed to be sure of how much food she had consumed (I'm sure you will agree that is important to know). Well this woman had seen my notes so had put Charlotte alone in a room with her and watched her eat. I never asked for this to be done. Just a note in her book so I knew what food she had, plus then I know how much snack to give her when she's home. Plus she complained about me only taking lo once a week and that it's gonna take ages for her to settle so this will happen for a while. Yes I know that but they have limited places plus we can't afford another day yet as it is an expensive nursery.

Now I know these things aren't really serious issues, but I'm not happy with the way this woman spoke about my daughter and her attitude with me on the phone (like I was a paranoid mum). I'm not sure who she is, she could even be the owner of the nursery. I have been very happy with the nursery up until now. Neighbour recommended it to us, and it is popular (which also makes it a bit more expensive than others I saw but did not like).

When I pick lo up later I'm gonna ask one of the girls/carers who this woman is and how Charlotte has been from their view. Do I have reason to complain or am I just being over zealous/protective of Charlotte? I am quite upset about all this. Feel like going up there now and brining her home tbh.

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Well it does seem there were some crossed wires!

I picked lo up from the nursery and vented my concerns over the phone call. The lady I spoke to was actually there so we went for a private chat. She is actually the owner of the nursery.

First of all she aplogised for being abrupt with me on the phone. Her excuse - the nursery manager is on holiday so she was stepping in and isn't used to dealing with parents 1st hand.

She also apologised for not explaining herself properly over the phone. She said Charlotte was taken out of the todder room when upset as on Fridays there are some very young toddlers in there. She is upstairs where the baby room is, and the toddler room next door is for young toddlers who have moved from the baby room. Charlotte was taken downstairs to spend time with the older toddlers and pre-schoolers where she was much more settled. She was also able to play outside and even played hide & seek with them!! The nursery owner thinks she is too advanced to be with the younger toddlers and she is speaking and able to do a lot more things than them. From next week she should be downstairs with the other children.

Also, when I asked about her eating on her own in a room, I was told she was with ther other kids but being supervised on her eating. Eating on her own actually meant she was using the cutlery!!! :roll:
The nursery owner supervised her eating as she was concerned the other carers were not noting any problems in her diary. Well, she ate a full roast dinner!

So I did get the wrong end of the stick I admit, but the owner did not clarify things in our heated phone conversation and she admitted that too.

So I am feeling much better about it now and hopefully Charlotte will be a lot more relaxed with the older children. Plus she did a fab glittery Halloween picture!

[Modified by: ccbmommy on 30 October 2009 20:45:53 ]

I would feel the same as you and chloe goes 4 days a week now!!. I always get a sheet for her that records what she has done, nappy changes, food offered and what was actually eat as well as time slept for. they do this regardless of how many days they go and i believe even if just a 1/2 day.

i think removing her is wrong - if she was that upset they should have rung you and discussed options with you i.e. coming home, trying some medicine etc if seemed like in pain with teeth etc.

our nursery rang me the other week cos she didn't have a nap til 2.30pm and they wanted to check if i was happy that she was asleep at that time.

personally anything i have not been happy with i have spoken to them about it, not necessarily in a nasty way but to raise it with them. all the kids at our one have a key worker who is the one who is mainly responsible for them. you should be able to speak to them.

at the end of the day part of the reason if i remember rightly was for her to go and have some social time with other kids and for you to get a break and some relaxation time. you clearly can't relax with all of this and won't be possible until it is resolved. also from the sounds of it charlotte isn't getting the socialisation and interaction with other children as you invisaged.

I'm not surprised you are upset and I would be too. I've recentlyhad to double chloe's days she goes to nursery and wouldn't have been able to do that if she wasn't as happy as she is to go there and she seems happier there than home infact!!

hope you get it sorted out.

Lara xx

I'm with you all the way on this Hayley!! You pay for her to go to nursery so effectivley paying this womans wages!! You are therefore the customer and customers are always right!!

It is understandable that she may get upset, Shea does sometimes, but they should be sympathetic to this and should NEVER move her to a different room just so she's not disrupting others. I would ahve thought a better way would ahve been to take her to the other kids for interaction so it would take Charlottes mind of you going.

Regarding the food, you shouldn't have to ask them what she's had, it should automatically write in her diary. Shea has a diary which comes home with him each night and it states his naps times, when they have changed his nappy and wether it was just wet or soiled, they write down exactly what he has eaten at meal and snack times and how much he ate of it, and also activities he has done that day.

Does Charlotte have a team / room leader who you can go to with any concerns? Or the practice manager? I think you need to write a letter with your concerns, see if anything changes and if not think about changing her nursery.

And as for only going one day a week, thats your perogative and Shea only went once for first year, now twice. Its up to you how much you pay for.

Let us know how you get on and don't take any s*** from them!!

Claire xx

BE ate 1st reply grrrr!

They do write everything in her diary but I saw regarding meals they were putting just what they had served and not what they had eaten.

Surprisingly the last 2 weeks she has eaten all her meals (today in the room alone with this woman she ate all her lunch apparently - I hope she didn't force her to eat any of it silly bitch)!

Sorry to g/c but I have worked with kids a long time in almost every possible capacity! I now visit settings to assess them for an accreditation scheme so I get to see a lot of different ways of working.

TBH if a child was really distressed I would possibly try taking them away from the scene to try to calm them but I wouldn't tell the parent I'd HAD to do it because of their behaviour!!

Sometimes children can find a room of other people overwhelming so it can be helpful to take them somewhere quieter to calm them and then reintroduce them to the room once they weren't so upset and were allowing the adult to read a story or whatever with them. All children are different and settle in their own way. Some need to be left alone (which can be distressing to see as it looks like they're being ignored!) some just need a little distraction, some actually respond to just being told 'that's enough' (again looks horrible but works for some!).
How is it being managed at the moment? I mean, do you take her to the room say goodbye and go, do you have to leave her at the door, do you stay and play a while, do you hand her over to someone else in the room...?
Some children respond to being given something of yours to 'look after' so they know you'll be back - like some keys or something.
It sounds like there's a bit of a communication breakdown and as someone else suggested I think you should ask to speak to your child's key person (which she should have as it's now an Ofsted requirement)
You should already know who that is and to be honest with you I am surprised (by the setting not you) that you don't know who you've been speaking to. The onus is on them to make these things known to parent/carers.

Sorry for ramble... I'm a bit passionate about my job can you tell!!

I have to be honest and say I don't think you really have cause to officially complain but you should explain what you want from them and if they can't oblige you have a right to know why!

Thanks Seraphina, your comments have made me see it from a different perspective.

It's mainly the attitude of this woman I did not like. She was an older woman and sounds very old-fashioned and was talking down to me. Plus I don't like the idea of my lo being "sin-binned" for being upset!

I do neet to clarify to them about the food situation. I don't want her removed and to eat on her own to be monitored. All I need is a written account of what she's eaten. That's is what I wrote in her diary.

I will also ask who her key worker is as I do not actually know!! Thanks for pointing that out to me guys!

As you can tell I'm new to all this stuff.

You are totally within your rights to complain about any treatment your child gets in nursery and by the sound of this I would be putting my complaint in!!!

I didn't get to the eating thing I got so carried away with the settling!
Are you sure she was in another room and not just that an adult sat with her? I'd be amazed if a nursery had a spare room for just one child and actually I think it is really bad practice to have an adult alone with a child for obvious reasons and implications.
It is common practice for settings to just write what was offered but I advise them to also give an idea of how much was eaten - all that is needed is a note - ate well, didn't eat much. If they use pre-printed sheets they can even have choices to circle!
I'm also concerned by the need to have an adult watching her to see what she ate - surely they should be aware of all the children and what they are eating??
If she really was put alone in a room I think you should be asking questions...

Hi
I think this is appaling if it happened at the nursery Jack goes to i would complain too.
Jack goes to nursery twice a week has been sine Sept last year. I get a record every time of what hes eaten, nappy changes and activities and he cries every time i leave him but they say he calms down after brekkie.
I would deffo complain this is bang out of order xxxx

Can't add much that hasn't already been said. It's great that Seraphina can give a such good advice from the nursery's view (that's what BE is for !!)

Lo goes to a childminder rather than a nursery and I get an account of what he's eaten, how long he slept, what he did that day etc.

I also know that my lo is very sensitive and took ages to settle with the childminder. He goes 3 days a week. It just takes time and I think the key was perseverence and communication between me and childminder to find best way for him.

I hope you managed tp have a chat with them and Charlotte was OK when you collected her. S x

just read your update and am really pleased for you. it doesn't excuse her behaviour when you phoned but at least she admits she was wrong.

glad you got things cleared up and clarified. makes sense for her to be with older ones. chloe was bored with the younger ones and went into the next stage room earlier than expected and has thrived by being with others who are all older.

Hope you feel happier and more confident with her going now.

Lara xx

Am glad things have worked out one way or another. I bet she comes on in leaps and bounds being with older children

At least the snotty lady admitted she was wrong. It's a shame there were problems that meant she had to in the first place, but at least you can relax a little bit more now xx