Hi i am 26 have a daughter who is 2 and a half and a 5 month old son.
Both pregnancies ended up with a c-section and so far this has caused me a great deal of emotional distress.
Of course all that matters is that me and both babies were fine and birth is only a tiny part of being a mum and i didnt get pregnant to give birth but to have a baby. i know this.
But my feelings are hard to control.

I never saw either of them being born and i could only hold my first child after an hour when i went into the recovery room but i asked to have my son with me which helped slightly with bonding but this was after he was taken away initially when this was not necessary as they both scored 9 then 10 Aptgars.
I also did not labour first time and only laboured for 2 hours the second time which i think also had an effect.
I also found it extremely difficult in the hospital for 5 days a time and not being able to look after my babies properly.
I felt really detatched and found it hard to bond with my children along with the feelings of failure etc.

I would like a third child but i know i will be pressured into having another c-section although i would like to try VBA2C.
But what worries me is that if i dont have a natural birth EVER, then these feelings will stay with me for a very long time.

I have been back to the hospital to find out what happened the second time and the midwife was concerned about how the c-sections had effected me, so she said i must go and see her next pregnancy and she will do a care plan with me which could include dropping the screen at the moment of birth and being handed my baby straight away if all is well, because of how affected i have been by my previous experiences. I think this would be of great comfort to me if i have another section.

It would help me i think to hear form other women who have only had c-sections and how you deal with any feelings and your views on never having a natural birth.
any replies would be much appreciated.
Lyndsey xx

hi firstly hugs

secondly, you should be grateful that you have a healthy baby, bet you have heard that loads of times before but it doesnt change how you feel does it?

I had my first (twins) under GA, didnt see them for 12 hours as i was poorly then was in hospital 2 weeks with them, if im honest i never had that rush of love and didnt feel like they were mine till they were 5/6 months.

My second labour was a bit better, i had been prepared that i wld possibly need a c-section but managed 36 hours of labour before being rushed off, i felt a little more in control as i was awake but still felt a overwhelming sense of failure for not managing a normal birth.

I was told that with my history they wldnt support a VBA2C so i decided to take control of my c section birth, so i had a detailed plan i wanted them to drop the screen i wanted to see him still attached to the cord, i wanted to see the placenta, i wanted him straight to me etc, unfortunatly it didnt happen like that as he was born at 31+6 and really poorly. I do feel it would have helped if all the above had happened.

I havent really accepted that i havent had a normal birth but did feel better after my second birth as felt i was being listened too, my hospital do councilling sessions maybe its worth asking if yours do?

Ive also been told that it can be a form of PND being preoccupied with the birth but im not sure but know im struggling but thats prob coz of lo being in SCBU.

anyway really long and not sure ive answered your post at all sorry

x

i am grateful that i have had two healthy babies, but like you said it dosn't change how i feel.
I find it difficult because i believe the sections could have been avoided, why i beat myself up about it i dont know, since there is nothing i can do about things in the past.

I hope they support me with VBA2C as i have read that there is no significant evidence that labouring after 2 c sectios causes any more risk than labouring after 1st section. This and the fact i was induced the second time which will have increased the risk then and hopefully if i go into spontanious labour it might be possible.

As for another section think the screen being dropped as baby is born would be much better and i want to see the cord and placenta which i thought might make me seem weird, but as you said you wanted that then maybe its not so weird.
It will make the experience more real and may help me connect with the baby if i actually saw it leave my body.
The thing that worries me is if i go for a planned section and they dont follow my birth plan. Another thing is the fact that i find the op extremely invasive and hate being stuck in hospital with short staffed midwives that have difficulty finding the time to help you.

I do need to stop worrying about it as i am not planning another baby for another 9 months or so, and just think about it when the time is right.
Sometimes i think i will be ok in years to come when my kids have grown up more as it shouldn't hardly ever come up in conversation or thought.

I know they wont care less about how they were born, i just hope one day i feel like that too xx

I had an emergency c-section 10 months ago after a long labour. I feel that I was pushed into having it as my lo was never in any distress. At the baby groups I've been to all of the other mums talk about their birth experiences but I can't without crying. I've never had any issues in bonding with my gorgeous girl but feel that something's missing.

My oh and I are planning to start trying again next year but I'm already worrying about the birth and whether I will be able to do it "properly".

I have had 2 sections, first one emergency and second one elective.

The first one was after a very long painful labour and ended up having a General Anaesthetic too. I felt like a complete failure and had trouble bonding with my baby mainly because I didn't see him born and he had been fed etc by the time I came round. I felt like I had no control over the whole birth and blamed myelf for not being able to give birth naturally.

14 months later I gave birth again my elective section. I had been to the counselling service at the hospital and discussed my first birth which was quite emotional. After that I decided that I wanted an elective section as it would be my choice and I would have control! Gone were the feelings of being a failure and I was doing somthing that I wanted to do.

This section was much more calm although I was still scared as it was planned. I asked to see the placenta in theatre and was holding my son straight away after being stitched up.

Sometimes I do think what it would be like to give birth naturally and I will always go through life not knowing that, but it can't take over your life. Giving birth is just a small part in the whole part of being pregnant and being a mother for life. I look at these programmes etc of women giving birth naturally and makes me grateful for being able to have a section the second time round. I gave labour a go first time round and didn't want to do it again!! ha ha.

Don't feel bad about not giving birth naturally as you can't change what has happened in the past and the most important thing is that you and your babies are safe.

xx

I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I had an emergency c-section at 34 weeks in August and due to complications they had to make some upward cuts to the muscles inside. As a result of this I've been told that they'd advise a c-section for future pregnancies as I'm now classed as high risk.

Like you I know I'm lucky to have my gorgeous, healthy little boy but it doesn't stop the sadness that I'll never get to experience a natural birth. I'm hoping that as time passes I'll accept it better and just be glad that I've got a lovely child. It is hard to get over as it's something beyond our control and something as women we're not prepared for.

I try to focus on the things I'm not missing out on - like tearing or stitches, a painful labour, the fear of that 1st wee after giving birth, fear of having sex again.... I know women do it every day but thinking of these aspects of child birth have helped me to begin to accept that I can't do it.
xx

Hi, I am grateful to have my 3 gorgeous healthy girls (inc twins) but i to have this feeling of loss at never having a natural birth.

My eldest was born by emergency section and whisked away from me as she was only 4lb 12 oz full term. My first real siting of her was in a photo that my husband took - She was in an incubater/tube fed and anti biotics for 24/48hrs. i tried to breast feed but she was not having any of it and sue to poor advise I gave her a bottle.

I did have the choice after 34 weeks with twins to go for a natural (when breech twin turned head down) and I really wanted to but was worried about the high risk of twins ending up in another emergency secrtion so I opted for an elective section (Twin 2 turned again after 36 weeks so was breech anyway) - They were shown to me and I got a quick cuddle before they were wisked off again to special care as their tempereature was low and again spent 24hours in an incubator.

I miss the baby being delivered to my chest/never knowing what a natural labour will be like/breast feeding/not being able to hold them in early hours etc etc

I would like to have my 4th one day and although would more than likely have to be another section - I would like to be in control like DB said - (hubby has said no more though but we will see!!)

I always said I would like 4 so hopefully when twins are a little older. I have explained my feeling to hubby but men don't understand xxx

i kinda know what you mean, I had an em-section in may (they found out my baby was breech..but not until she was well on the way.) The birth was still lovely and she was healthy and thats all that matters.....but sometimes i cant help but feeling like 'missed out' on something, it sounds daft but i loved the contractions (as painful as they were) and would have loved to have a 'natural birth.' I think im most annoyed becuase i asked my midwife if my baby was breech at a check up a few weeks before and she insisted that baby was the right way up...i just had a feeling that she was the wrong way and could feel her head wiggling about near my ribs. but oh well, she is here..she is beautiful and healthy and i couldnt hope for a more wonderful child! I am very much hoping that i will be able to have a 'natual birth' with our next baby

i'm still devastated over not having a natural birth, even if i see someone have a baby on tv i'm in floods of tears...i sort of feel like i'm mourning! i have been told i may never be able to have a natural birth as my body just couldn't go into labour, i was having contractions every 2-3 mins and not dilating for 3 days, in the end i pretty much had to beg for a section, the midwives were telling the consultants it needed to be done but the consultants were having none of it...in the end it was the best thing to do because my placenta was failing. my section was classed as "elective" which really annoys me because i just couldn't be left for another 24 hours (thats what the consultants wanted) being sick with the pain and not sleeping and i would have lost my baby if i'd agreed to wait.

they couldn't find a reason for what happened to me, it was just "one of those things" and is likely to happen again x

I've had an emergency section, and a planned section.

it is difficult as you say. if you do decide to have another lo you should ask the midwife/consultant if there is any reason why you cant labour. They thought the reason I had the first section was due to a tilted cervix and a large baby, I didnt want to risk the tramatio time I had with my first when I had my 2nd so opted with my consultant for a planned section. I was much more in control

Hi,
I had an emergency section 5 years ago with my ds after a 25hr labour. I was fully dilated but he just wouldn't come out!
The section didn't bother me as I'd had enough at that point and just wanted him out but I was really gutted with how it went afterwards.
My son was passed to my ex and I just saw the top of his head before I was wheeled into recovery. I didn't actually get to see him until I was taken down to the ward by which time he had been fed. The mw's came and took him straight away as it was about 10pm and my ex was told to leave. After bursting into tears the mw agreed to bring him back for a couple of minutes and she laid him on the bed next to me - still no proper cuddle!
In the morning I was woken up by the mw's who had let my ex's mother onto the ward at 8.30am because she wanted to see my ds before she went to work - so still I had had no cuddle but someone else was sitting holding my baby. I don't remember actually holding him until my mum arrived around 10.30am.
I wasn't prepared for the fact that they would take him away from me over night and I wouldn't have a say.
I've suffered badly with depression since having my ds 5 years ago and it's only recently that I've felt like I've bonded properly with him.

This is our 1st month TTC and I'm already thinking about the birth!

You're not alone xxx

Thanks to everyone for your replys.

Something weird happened about a couple of weeks ago.
I was watching one of those pregnancy/baby programmes which usually made me well up with dissapointment, and something i was not expecting happened.

I suddenly didn't feel sad anymore.
This american woman was having a section i it made me actually realise it dosn't matter to ME anymore how MY babies were born.

I was shocked that this had happened, as its something i thought i would never ever get over.

My eldest is 2 and a half so that is when it started and its taken me that long and another section to "let it go".

Its true when they say time is the best healer, everyone just does it at there own pace.

I no longer feel less of a woman and a rubbish mother, and its such a weight off my shoulders its indescribable.

I just hope that whatever happens next pregnancy dosn't take me a step backwards in terms of emotions.

I honestly think if I got over it, than anyone can (given the time they need as an individual as everyones experience is different)

Thanks again
Lyndsey xxx

Hi -

I do every now and then - but its normally when discussing births - I have no issue discussing my birth however I do have an issue with other mothers taking the view that I've not really done it so don't have an opinion!

I had over 26 hours of active labour went all the way to 10cm and to the pushing stage but it ended in a c sec when baby got stuck.

We are TTC now ( had baby in May 09) and with my last pregnancy I wasn't concerned about the birth at all - but now I have all the c sec VBAC etc etc spining around! - I guess I'll have to wait and see how big they think this baby is x